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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected SOMETHING on Valentine's Day?

76 replies

Ilovewineandchocolate · 14/02/2016 15:54

I have been seeing someone since Christmas. We met through OLD, and straight away its felt 'different'. He's honest, thoughtful, and sexy....we see each other every week and are sleeping together,but we're both in our 40s, have been married before and have children, so we don't see each other as often as we'd like, but there you go.

Anyway, to the point, I sent him a Valentine's card which he received yesterday. He seemed genuinely chuffed, and texted me to say how special it was. It was was a jokey card, nothing heavy, but I wanted to do something. He texted me this morning becusse he'd fallen asleep last night and not replied to a text I had sent him, but at no point today has he - sent me a thoughtful/ cheeky or slushy text, or even acknowledged Valentine's Day. I have no card. At nearly four o'clock I've given up looking outside the window now and again to see if there is a delivery van....it ain't coming.....

I feel genuinely upset, and am now questioning if he feels the same way about me? Emotionally I'm abit off kilter, I don't know what to say or how to react, and whether I'm over reacting at all! I don't want to muck this one up, but can't help how I feel !

OP posts:
IThoughtItWasAFart · 14/02/2016 15:57

'Since Christmas' makes it sound like a while.
But really it's only been about 6 weeks.

For that reason YABalittleU.

If it was 6 months or more YWNBU

sooperdooper · 14/02/2016 15:57

Valentine's isn't a 'thing' everyone does, don't place too much weight on him not sending you anything - it probably just didn't occur to him, it's just not that important to a lot of people (me included, I don't really get the organised romance aspect)

TwoTonTessie · 14/02/2016 15:57

Well, not everyone thinks today is a big deal. Maybe he'll surprise you when you're not expecting it.

Orda1 · 14/02/2016 15:58

Yabu, he's in his 40s - he probably doesn't 'do' Valentine's Day. Some do of course but lots don't.

VulcanWoman · 14/02/2016 16:05

I think it's thoughtless, end of.

TheMouseThatRoared · 14/02/2016 16:09

Yabu, not everyone celebrates valentines day.

Original poster
Ilovewineandchocolate · 14/02/2016 16:15

I completely get why people don't 'do' Valentine's Day, but in a new relationship I saw it as an opportunity to do something romantic and thoughtful.
I'm upset because it's made me feel I 'm clearly not worth any effort.

OP posts:
TheGoldenApplesOfTheSun · 14/02/2016 16:16

Tell him how you feel, and how you fancied a bit of a romantic gesture. If he's into you, he'll want you to be happy and even if he doesn't usually 'do' Valentines should be able to get you a card/chocolates/something small but nice. Think positive - chocs are on sale after Vday Smile. It's hard defining how things are going to be in a new relationship but the best results for me have always come when I just say what's on my mind and we sort through it. Eg "I felt a bit hurt on Valentines because you didn't send me a card/whatnot, I know it's a commercial holiday/whatever but it's really mean a lot to me if you made a romantic gesture like buying me some flowers..."

ilovesooty · 14/02/2016 16:19

If you feel you're not worthy of effort I think that's your issue. I think it would be a shame to let this spoil a relationship if it's otherwise going well. Before he got your card it probably hadn't even occurred to him that it was a day to mark.

TheGoldenApplesOfTheSun · 14/02/2016 16:21

My now-husband rather messed up our first Valentines (no card, etc) but we're still together - so it's not the kiss of death! Just say how you feel. I ended up getting a belated hand drawn card that first year and some flowers which was absolutely lovely.

MrsJayy · 14/02/2016 16:23

He could have sent you a slushy text or something yanbu to be a little upset the flush of a new romance and all that usually means celebrating valentines day but he maybe isnt like that try and not let it bother you to much

specialsubject · 14/02/2016 16:24

it is commercialised crap. He can buy you twice the flowers for the same price tomorrow, or take you out for a damn good meal at half the price and twice the quality.

stay away from this nonsense. It is not the indicator of a relationship. Does he make an 'effort' the rest of the time?

Borninthe60s · 14/02/2016 16:25

Hold your horses he might have a gift or car he wants to give to you when you next meet.

hiddenhome2 · 14/02/2016 16:25

Valentine's Day is for younger people. It's lame and boring to everyone else, especially men over 40.

wannaBe · 14/02/2016 16:32

What matters is how he treats you the rest of the year, surely? (Confused)

Fair enough if you wanted to send a valentine, but yabu to have expected to receive one.

I would consider someone questioning my feelings off the back of not responding to a societal expectation to buy an over priced card when things were good the rest of the time a red flag...

Original poster
Ilovewineandchocolate · 14/02/2016 16:35

Surely a guy in his 40s would have realised that if in any doubt it is better to buy the card and flowers! Especially in a new relationship?!

He is thoughtful in other ways, but he is very busy, and we only see each other once a week for an evening, and that is down to his schedule....

OP posts:
AutumnLeavesArePretty · 14/02/2016 16:36

After six weeks of barely dating it likely never crossed his mind.

Lots of people stop with valentimes cards once the teenage years have passed.

ilovesooty · 14/02/2016 16:37

I wouldn't have expected him even to give it any thought.

mummytippy · 14/02/2016 16:39

I'd feel disappointed too. He even had his card yesterday so had a chance to do something but hasn't... unless there's a table booked somewhere nice this evening... Chin up... and perhaps hold back from here Flowers

Pippidoeswhatshewants · 14/02/2016 16:40

YABU. Valentine's is for consumerist idiots. Your man obviously isn't, therefor I'd keep him.

anyoldname76 · 14/02/2016 16:41

im married but ive bought my own valentines gift which im drinking now Grin i did get a card though.

a lot of people dont buy into valentines day, your man may be one of those

Perfectlypurple · 14/02/2016 16:45

My dh was in his 40s hen we got together and we have never done Valentine's Day. Don't read too much into it. Some people just aren't into that sort of thing.

pistachiogreen · 14/02/2016 16:47

He'll probably give it to you next time he sees you... I'm also seeing someone I met online, we've been together about 5 months. I was very surprised to get a card in the post! I've got him one but was just going to give it to him next time we see each other Blush I thought it might be awkward if his kids were there when the post came and they saw the card... Maybe he thought the same?

lookoutitsapiano · 14/02/2016 16:47

Yanbu, even if he doesn't do Valentines day he could have got you a card since you got him one.

Original poster
Ilovewineandchocolate · 14/02/2016 16:48

Tbh I would have been happy with a nice text 😍. I guess it's the feeling I have now that I'm not perhaps a future relationship, but just someone he sleeps with once a week....

If he does' nt buy Into Valentine's day, why would he have been so chuffed to have got my card?? Surely it must have crossed his mind that I would have liked something too..... He has'nt even said 'look I don't buy into this rubbish' , no he's said nothing, zilch, nano.....

OP posts: