To have expected SOMETHING on Valentine's Day?

[Ilovewineandchocolate]

I have been seeing someone since Christmas. We met through OLD, and straight away its felt 'different'. He's honest, thoughtful, and sexy....we see each other every week and are sleeping together,but we're both in our 40s, have been married before and have children, so we don't see each other as often as we'd like, but there you go.

Anyway, to the point, I sent him a Valentine's card which he received yesterday. He seemed genuinely chuffed, and texted me to say how special it was. It was was a jokey card, nothing heavy, but I wanted to do something. He texted me this morning becusse he'd fallen asleep last night and not replied to a text I had sent him, but at no point today has he - sent me a thoughtful/ cheeky or slushy text, or even acknowledged Valentine's Day. I have no card. At nearly four o'clock I've given up looking outside the window now and again to see if there is a delivery van....it ain't coming.....

I feel genuinely upset, and am now questioning if he feels the same way about me? Emotionally I'm abit off kilter, I don't know what to say or how to react, and whether I'm over reacting at all! I don't want to muck this one up, but can't help how I feel !

[Queenie73]

If the only thing you have to worry about in a relationship is the lack of tat on Valentine's Day, then you're doing quite well.

[Ilovewineandchocolate]

I agree queenie, this is very trivial, but In the last 3 years I ve done illness, separation and bereavement, which is why something light hearted and romantic, would have been very nice today 😃

[Lynnm63]

But queenie it isn't just the 'lack of tat' the OP bought him a card and her guy didn't even text 'happy valentines Day' no cost and 30 seconds of his time, either he's pathalogically dim or he couldn't be arsed to.

[Theendispie]

You don't know this person well enough yet to really know their reactions to lots of things. For me I would have been a bit freaked out to receive a valentines that quickly and wouldn't have liked it.

If I had I would have sent a thank you text but felt a bit overwhelmed by it all.

[Cuppaand2biscuits]

Just to say my friend used to work for interflora and the amount of complaints they get about flowers not being delivered on peak days like Valentine's and Mothers day is unreal. She said she would never ever trust a 3rd party on an important delivery so it's possible he did make an order and he was let down.

[AutumnLeavesArePretty]

I agree he likely only said thank you out of politeness.

You are placing far too much emphasis on this "relationship" which boils down to half a dozen dates and causal sex.

He's likely to think you are a little OTT and be backing off. It's far too soon for declarations like valentines cards which are mainly an expression of love.

[Sallystyle]

I hate when people trivialise issues like this.

It has nothing to do with tat.

I wouldn't class flowers or chocolates as tat anyway but like the PP said above, it's about the lack of thought after OP went out of her way to think of him and he couldn't be arsed to send a little text. That might not bother you personally but it does bother the OP and it is not unreasonable to expect someone you are sleeping with to send you a text after you got them a card. I must have really high expectations or something because I bloody well would expect someone I'm sleeping with to send me a Happy VD text after I've sent him a card and would think much less of him if he didn't.

[TheoriginalLEM]

Does he make effort other times? because quite frankly, i thnk valentines day is a crock of shit - i received bugger all from DP and thank God for that, I got him feck all too. To be fair, we have been together 23 years and really diont need valentines day to prove how much we love each other.

On our first valentines together, i had to wait outside the shop while he went in and bought a card.

We have sometimes made the effort some years, others not, but honestly, i resent the commercialism of it.

[DinosaursRoar]

YANBU - at 6 weeks, you are supposed to be in the loved up stage, if there was ever a time for Valentines day, it's at the start of the relationship. After 15+ years, it's ok not to really do it, but at the start, it should be. A text would be at least I would expect.

That said, if you are seeing him on Wednesday, he might bring something with him.

Lots of people on here really don't do Valentines (or gifts at other times either, birthdays and christmas are for children apparently, grabby to expect anything, apparently), but if you do, then a long term relationship with a man who doesn't do stuff like this will mean you have an annual upset, or he does when he feels forced into it.

[Sallystyle]

A funny card isn't really a declaration of love.

[DinosaursRoar]

A pretty card saying "happy valentines day" is hardly a declaration of love either, it's not really about that, it's about lack of effort on a day when a bit of effort is expected. Some couples don't do this, and that's fine, but as his girlfriend sent him a card, it's pretty clear she does effort on Valentines and should at least send a text message.

[Dotandethel]

I'd have been more upset if he did get me something. I'd be thinking I'd met the wrong man. I'm not into men who feel they should buy me a bunch of shit flowers, a bottle of wine (I'd buy that myself) or a teddy with "i love you" on it, just because some card company said so. What a load of want. Get in the fucking sea valentines day

[Dotandethel]

Wank not want

[DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow]

6 weeks of seeing each other once a week is not Valentine card/present territory in my opinion.

He said thanks for the card you sent him, which was the polite and right thing for him to do.

He didn't send you a card in return so either he is of the same opinion as me, that knowing someone for 6 weeks is not enough, or he just doesn't do Valentine's Day.

Don't overthink it.

[Elledouble]

I get it, I'd have been a bit miffed at the lack of thought too. My partner and I just did cards this year (can't really be bothered but we tend to get each other silly stuff so it's a laugh), although he did also buy me a 'Hitler With Boobs' picture from one of the recent Facebook Selling Shite threads (that's going to sound so bad to anyone who hasn't seen it).

[Gruntfuttock]

Pippidoeswhatshewants "YABU. Valentine's is for consumerist idiots. Your man obviously isn't, therefore I'd keep him."

I couldn't agree more.

[wannaBe]

But the op said that she did speak to him yesterday and he was touched by her having sent the card. TBH there is no right way to react, because if he'd said that he doesn't do valentines (vd? ) Then that would sound dismissive of the op's card as well, imagine the aibu thread attached to that one... "I sent the guy I've been seeing since Christmas a valentines card and he replied saying that he doesn't do valentines. Aibu to feel he's thrown it back in my face?"

There is no way I would ever buy a valentines card just because I felt there was an expectation on me to do so. that level of societal expectation is one of the things I detest most about Valentine's Day. Personally I Would have pre-emptively had the conversation about not doing Valentines. But perhaps given it's been such a short time seeing each other he didn't feel that it was something to think about at this stage.

[EastMidsMummy]

I don't know how anyone on this thread other than the OP can possibly read the mind of this man.

OK, maybe he is horribly rude and thoughtless, but then again, maybe he just doesn't put much store in twee commercialised messages that you find in cards. And maybe he thinks that a quick text is neither one thing or the other, so potentially worse than useless.

If he's generally nice and thoughtful, I wouldn't bother getting stressed about this at all.

[birdsdestiny]

I think I would be a bit hurt by this, I mean Christmas is also consumerist nonsense but I still like getting a present. It as not as if you were after a grand gesture, you would have been happy with a text. He was a bit thoughtless in my opinion.

[Yukismydefaultposition]

If he is thoughtful in other ways you are lucky and maybe (early days though) he is a keeper!

Don't fret it for this year but do drop big hints for next year and if he does not step up to the Valentines day mark you can tell him with a bit more confidence that you expected some chocs and flowers and wine or a dinner out.

Let it pass for this year as you are newly in the relationship and a bit of a way to go by the sound of it.

[Nottodaythankyouorever]

6 weeks of seeing each other once a week is not Valentine card/present territory in my opinion.

Completely agree

[wannaBe]

No, it's nothing like Christmas. In fact valentines was supposed to be about the day when secret admirers could let the one know anonymously. It's only through commercialisation that we've escalated into this hideous cycle of giving cards, presents etc to all and sundry from partners to the family dog.

And no-one should have an expectation of a gift or dinner out etc. It costs at least twice the price for a start.

[Shesinfashion]

I'd be pissed off too. Fair enough, no card in return but a text today would have been nice for the OP.

[ifyoulikepinacolada]

Yanbu - he should have texted at least. Although I think at 6 weeks expectations should be low; it's really really not that long a time, but it is long enough to manage a phone call.