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Original poster

To have expected SOMETHING on Valentine's Day?

76 replies

Ilovewineandchocolate · 14/02/2016 15:54

I have been seeing someone since Christmas. We met through OLD, and straight away its felt 'different'. He's honest, thoughtful, and sexy....we see each other every week and are sleeping together,but we're both in our 40s, have been married before and have children, so we don't see each other as often as we'd like, but there you go.

Anyway, to the point, I sent him a Valentine's card which he received yesterday. He seemed genuinely chuffed, and texted me to say how special it was. It was was a jokey card, nothing heavy, but I wanted to do something. He texted me this morning becusse he'd fallen asleep last night and not replied to a text I had sent him, but at no point today has he - sent me a thoughtful/ cheeky or slushy text, or even acknowledged Valentine's Day. I have no card. At nearly four o'clock I've given up looking outside the window now and again to see if there is a delivery van....it ain't coming.....

I feel genuinely upset, and am now questioning if he feels the same way about me? Emotionally I'm abit off kilter, I don't know what to say or how to react, and whether I'm over reacting at all! I don't want to muck this one up, but can't help how I feel !

OP posts:
TattieHowkerz · 14/02/2016 16:52

He probably just isn't that into Valentines. It's a bit awkward anyway seeing as you haven't been together long, so presumably aren't in love or anything. He no,doubt liked the card because it was a nice thing from you, hence seemingly genuinely chuffed. I doubt you'd have been delighted if he didn't mention it or just said "look, I'm not into this commercialised shit, OK?"!

If he is nice and considerate don't let this ruin things.

Norest · 14/02/2016 16:54

Why are you guessing how he feels and expecting him to read your mind?

If valentines day was important to you, you ought to have discussed it with him and asked if it was sometihng he celebrates or not, rather than waiting around for him to come up with a gesture he is not aware you wanted.

NewLife4Me · 14/02/2016 16:55

You seem to be confusing consumerism with what your new love thinks of you. Confused
He obviously isn't into Valentines day.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/02/2016 16:55

I think you're overthought this.

It probably isn't that he doesn't celebrate, and he probably hasn't made a conscious decision not to get you anything. It's been 6 weeks and you presumably don't have plans to see each other today, so in all likelihood, he didn't see the relevance.

When did he get your card? Before today, or today? If it was today, he's probably very pleased that he got one but a bit embarrassed that he didn't get you one. Or, he thanked you because that's what you do when people buy you something, but he thinks it's too early.

If you gave it a few days ago or he knew that you were getting him something, that's a bit different, but probably still no reflection on your future relationship or how much you mean to him.

Did you get him a present too?

I think you've set him up to fail by expecting flowers and looking for delivery vans if he hadn't suggested that he'd sent something. He's going to have no idea that you feel so disappointed because he won't know that you were expecting a big gesture, and without the expectation, this wouldn't seem such a let-down.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 14/02/2016 16:56

Yeah that is rubbish OP. Here have some Flowers from me.

Original poster
Ilovewineandchocolate · 14/02/2016 17:05

Thankyou hearts!

I didn't get him a present, I thought that would be too much.

He got my card yesterday morning. I thought he if hadn't got me anything
/wasn't into it, he would have said then.

We are seeing each other again on Wednesday.

It is a possible I am being over sensitive, for various reasons the past 3 Valentine days have been seriously s£&t !!!! Maybe my expectation for this day were too high .....

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 14/02/2016 17:05

YANBU

You got him a card, the least he could do is send you a text saying Happy VD.

He doesn't have to go all out or even buy you a card, but to acknowledge it after you sent him a card would be the decent thing to do.

He might not celebrate it, many people don't and it isn't a big deal here either but I would expect some recognition of the day if I had sent someone a card at the very least. I think that is just basic politeness.

SecretNameTime · 14/02/2016 17:08

This wouldn't have bothered me at all. I think Valentine's Day isn't for everyone as its a bit twee and commercial. I wouldn't have assumed a 40 year old in a new relationship would do valentines - it's a bit soon and a bit gushy. Nothing wrong with doing it though.

TheGoldenApplesOfTheSun · 14/02/2016 17:14

To those who are saying - oh you should get over it, it's just a consumerist holiday, he's too old to care about it etc - my parents still make each other Valentines cards, they've been together over 30 years now. People express love differently, yes, but it isn't unreasonable to want that kind of 'sappy', 'commercial' gesture from someone you care about, if it's important to you. I find it a bit sad hearing about all the men who "don't do Valentines" - whatever their partner feels about it. Great if you're both on the same page, but how awful to convince yourself you'll be OK with nothing year on year when you secretly do yearn for a romantic gesture. Surely resentment must build up over that sort of thing?

skyeskyeskye · 14/02/2016 17:16

I was in this situation two years ago. I was given a bunch of tulips but we didn't do cards or go for a meal or anything as it felt like too much after only five weeks.

ilovesooty · 14/02/2016 17:17

I think there's a big difference between a couple together for 30 years with established mutual expectations and a couple who've been together weeks in a relationship where they've met a handful of times.

LindyHemming · 14/02/2016 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Ilovewineandchocolate · 14/02/2016 17:22

You've hit the nail on the head golden apples, the point is even if he wasn't into it, or thought we hadn't been going out for long enough, when he got my card yesterday, he should have said, oh I'm sorry I did'nt get you a card because x/y/z . I would have been fine. Because he didn't say that, I thought it was because I would get something today..

Should I say nothing about it and just move on?

OP posts:
scarednoob · 14/02/2016 17:24

euphemia glad it wasn't just me who thought that!

OP - this sounds to me as if it is perhaps more about you wondering where you stand (which is perfectly natural after 6 weeks as it's limbo time) than it is about VD?

NNalreadyinuse · 14/02/2016 17:25

I think he should have sent a card or something. If you are in a relationship enough to be sleeping together, then you are in a relationship enough to get a card or some flowers!

Hopefully he will acknowledge it either this evening or next time you see him so hold back on the disappointment for now. I'd be watching closely how he treats you generally, to work out if he sees you as a potential long term relationship or a casual one!

doodlejump1980 · 14/02/2016 17:25

There's no post on a Sunday, it might come tomorrow?

Lynnm63 · 14/02/2016 17:26

If you hadn't given him a card then him not giving you a card is ok. You did so at least he could have texted you to say happy Valentine's day.
Today is my DH's birthday and he still bought me a lovely bunch of tulips. I prefer them to overpriced roses. I didn't buy him a Valentine's card though but im obviously a bad wife!

TiggyD · 14/02/2016 17:30

For You OP.

x

To have expected SOMETHING on Valentine's Day?
Rafflesway · 14/02/2016 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Buzzardbird · 14/02/2016 17:31

If you stay with him you might want to write off Valentine's Day because if he is not doing it, now he never will.

Not everyone celebrates it, but it is a Victorian custom, not a 'consumerist one'.

Buzzardbird · 14/02/2016 17:35

Apologies for the weird comma there^

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/02/2016 17:35

If he got your card yesterday, I do think he could have either tempered your expectations or sent you a card/text/told you you'd have your card next time he sees you.

I had presumed you'd surprised him with it this morning...

TattieHowkerz · 14/02/2016 17:36

Maybe he'll give you a card or chocs or something when you see him.

Sallystyle · 14/02/2016 17:42

I think it is just rude not to acknowledge it somehow. Like you say OP, a text saying that he loves his card but it isn't a day he celebrates would have been fine. Saying nothing is a bit rude.

I had only been with DH a few weeks when it was Valentines day (is it Valentines day or Valentine's day? ) and he got me a lovely card, I didn't expect one but had I got him one and he didn't even text me Happy VD (snigger) I think it would have put me off him a bit. If he couldn't be arsed to even text me something after I had got him a card I would have thought he was a bit of a rude wanker.

I don't see this as a not celebrating Valentines day issue, just a basic manners issue.

Sallystyle · 14/02/2016 17:45

Well, if he is going to give her a card or chocolates on Wednesday then surely he would have texted her today just to say Happy Valentines Day?

I can't see someone who can't be arsed to send a text would bother with actually going out and buying her something. Plus, I wouldn't want to wait until Wednesday for the day to be acknowledged.

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