To not give someone a lift

[poppiesanddaisies]

Hi, I don't think I was unreasonable here (tell me if you think I was!) but I just would like to know how to avoid this sort of thing in future.

I live near another woman at work and I do give her a lift back generally. Today though, I couldn't because I was going shopping. I finished work an hour ago and I texted her beforehand (I picked her up) to let her know I wouldn't be dropping her home.

She replied asking about buses and I said I didn't know!

All the way through the shift she kept moaning and saying there weren't any buses. It's that I'm asking about really - what do you say to people? It was so awkward.

I know I wasn't being unreasonable really but AIBU to ask for advice as to how to politely tell someone to shut it?

Put on your best confused face and say "Oh gosh, how were you planning to get home if I wasn't here then? It's probably worth looking up the bus timetable and some local taxi firms for future" and then ignore, ignore, ignore.

Just ignore, getting to and from work is her responsibility. She's a grown adult you are not responsible for her.

it sounds from what you're saying that she gets herself to work. Do you know how she does that and why she can't go back the same way? Do you know if there actually are any buses?

I guess all you can do is to say you're sorry if she misunderstood the situation, but you really can't commit to giving her lifts every day; she must have worked out how she was going to get to and from work before she took the job and she needs to have a Plan B in place. And by the way, if she wants to carry on having lifts you'll want a couple of quid towards petrol every time.

Well after her being so presumptuous and expecting lifts I would stop all together morning or afternoon.

Why did you text her? She's treating you like a chauffeur cheeky cow.

If she directly asks you for a life tell her you will need petrol money per journey.

No, she relies on lifts.

I think she was hoping I would say I'd take her back, but why should I?

I think you're best not engaging with her moans and just getting on with your day. Not your problem to worry about.

Crikey. Has she ever offered anyone cash towards petrol in that case?

I'd just ignore her or point out that surely she checked her travel options when she took the job. Actually I hate awkward spots so I'd most likely just try to avoid her!

The only thing you did that was possibly unreasonable was to only text her before you left (although you then say she moaned all shift so I might has misinterpreted your op). If you didn't give her much notice that is unreasonable as she might have been able to make other plans with notice.

But Yanbu to not want to always give her lifts. I'd start off being unable to help more often tbh.

Given that she was so rude I'd be inclined to join a gym and start going there straight after work rather than giving her a lift.

So do you normally give her lift every day? How much notice did you give her you couldn't? I can understand why she was a bit annoyed if you normally always give her a lift, bit of course that's her problem not yours.

Thank you. I'm going to talk to my boss on mo day as to be honest I feel the drivers are taken advantage of; there's a certain amount of goodwill because of the nature of the job and so people do give lifts and drop off but then they knew that transport would be difficult when they got the job so it's not fair to rely on me all the time!

Of course YANBU!

However, getting in the habit of regularly offer lifts to colleagues can become something of a minefield, as you're seeing now.

Could you try to make the arrangement less regular in future or, at the very least, ask for a contribution towards petrol, as a pp suggested? This woman is taking advantage and this should nip it in the bud.

Who gives her the lift in then?

Only when I work with her, Sirzy :)

I promise where I left her was on a bus route and it wasn't that fair from where she lived and was even walkable although I can understand not wanting to walk as it's chilly.

Whoever she's working with that day Stealth

Don't ask for a contribution unless you're happy for this to be a semi formal arrangement. She will then just treat you like a taxi

Very odd don't rise to it. She's grown adult given if my chance you had started to pick her up and take her home from day one. She should know what bus for when your sick or on holiday or even leave for a new job!

If it's firm arrangement defo need to be getting petrol money at least half cost or Half bus fair what Evers more. Anyone who moaned and winged like a baby would get ditched sharpish

So do you all live in the same sort of area

Most normal people would say no prob I appreciate lift 99% of the time. Show gratitude

Just let it drop, let the moaning wash over you, don't engage. The more you discuss it, the more she will try to make it your problem. Sympathetic nods and 'hmmms'. Most people can't continue a monologue forever.

I think texting beforehand was only polite if it's a regular thing.

We do stealth although it would be easier for me to go straight home than dropping her off first if you see what I mean.

If she starts her moaning about the difficulty getting a bus you could say " I know this location is tricky if you're reliant on public transport. That's one of the reasons I'm glad I went to the expense and bother of passing my test and owning a car.Can you learn to drive?"

She'll then start complaining about how expensive owning a car or getting lessons is, you can tilt your head and say " Yes it is expensive, but I consider it a necessary expense, particularly when working here. It's nice to be able to do the journey in a reasonable time unless i have to continually give lifts to ungrateful moochers."

I probably wouldn't say the above, but I would ask her if she has thought about learning to drive and I would avoid giving her a lift again as she sounds like a graceless wagon.

My grown up DD has this. One woman who comes by taxi is always late but when she works with my DD she expects her to give her a lift home at 11.15 p.m., it is out of the way and only my DD is back at work at 5.30 a.m. so it cuts into her sleeping time. On the odd occasion my DD has had no choice, no money has even been offered. Tonight when they are both on shift my DH is giving DD a lift in and home, and NO he won't be giving the woman a lift home. The other one is a man who wants picking up 20 minutes away and makes anyone giving him a lift late for work, he also expects a lift home for no money. His father won't do it even though he is a taxi driver. In the good weather my DD goes to work on her bike to avoid playing taxi. They both earn more than my DD.

Ugh I hate it when people do stuff like this. How does somebody actually get a job without knowing, or bothering to find out about, how to get home? FFS. Gives non-drivers a bad name.

I don't drive and almost certainly never will. I know what buses go where though, because you know, I am an adult. And I have the numbers of various taxi firms on my phone in case buses aren't available. I will gratefully accept a lift if offered (had one friend who always insisted on dropping me home after our late shift no matter how many times I said it was too far out of the way etc) but never expected it.