To not give someone a lift

[poppiesanddaisies]

Hi, I don't think I was unreasonable here (tell me if you think I was!) but I just would like to know how to avoid this sort of thing in future.

I live near another woman at work and I do give her a lift back generally. Today though, I couldn't because I was going shopping. I finished work an hour ago and I texted her beforehand (I picked her up) to let her know I wouldn't be dropping her home.

She replied asking about buses and I said I didn't know!

All the way through the shift she kept moaning and saying there weren't any buses. It's that I'm asking about really - what do you say to people? It was so awkward.

I know I wasn't being unreasonable really but AIBU to ask for advice as to how to politely tell someone to shut it?

[Akire]

Even if bus fair was £3 day and for there and back be very cheap. That's £60 month she saving alone!

[Gabilan]

No problem, fuzzpig. I can be a bit sensitive, I expect other people would have read your post in a more light-hearted way. It was kind of you to apologise.
I made sure when I moved here that it was on a bus route. It was either that or bite the bullet and drive again. I have a licence it's just that I hate driving.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I am a non car driver and her behaviour is unacceptable. Before she took the job, she should have researched the bus/train routes, and know them to hand, she should also have an up to date time table, so she knows what bus to get, and the time. I would stop the lifts all together, it is evident that she is using you as a taxi service. What would she do if you left, or were ill then!

[fuzzpig]

:)

I think DH would love to live somewhere that rural. I wouldn't, but would be happy with somewhere less urban than where we are now! I'm hoping there's a happy medium somewhere, not that we can afford to move at the moment anyway :o but someday.

[Aeroflotgirl]

lord I totally disagree, not everyone is able to drive, I failed 4 tests, and want to try again when my youngest starts school in September. If she cannot drive, why the hell is she accepting a car based job, silly moo!

[honeysucklejasmine]

I guess you're a carer, OP? Are you able to claim for the use of your car? I know this has been regulated recently regarding what counts as working hours and what doesn't. But not sure on details. I suppose the problem is that you go to appointments in pairs, so driving two cars to each one would be ridiculous. But in an ideal world, you'd both have a car and expect to be "driver" 50% of the time.

Guess that's pretty hard to organise though if you work with someone different each day.

And YADNBU to want her to take responsibility for herself.

[ZenNudist]

Yanbu but no useful suggestion what to say. Lying always seems easiest option than honesty. Easier to have post work plans than say "to be honest it's taking me out of the way at my own expense of time and money, with no thanks and apparently an expectation that I will help you even when not convenient for me. It doesn't work for me to give you lifts any more."

If you keep giving her lifts could you request she meets you somewhere mutually convenient so you're not going out of your way? If she is not there go without her!

[poppiesanddaisies]

That's what happens honeysuckle - I'm going to speak to managers about it Monday as while I am happy to drive and claim for petrol that's to clients homes and if I do drop someone off or pick them up its a goodwill gesture not something they should expect and moan about when they don't get! xx

[Rainbunny]

Good grief, who are all these people who think it's only right that car drivers should automatically give them lifts? I understand some people are not in the position to drive or can't afford to own a car but at the end of the day it's not a car driving colleague's duty to provide transport, very kind if they do but shouldn't be taken for granted which seems to be the case in these posts.

OP - from what you've written it sounds as though your colleague's commute is technically walkable distance, I wonder if she would consider cycling as a form of transport? I'm not sure how you'd politely suggest that she get on her bike though... If it was me I would hate bothering other people to give me a lift and I would love it if my commute was within cycling distance.

[poppiesanddaisies]

I spoke to my manager last night and the lady in question is being spoken to tomorrow as others have complained about this.

It's stressing me out though!

[fuzzpig]

Ah OP, don't stress (easier said etc I know) - if others have complained too, it's clear that nobody will think you are in the wrong here!

I still can't believe that she took a job without actually thinking through the rather important fact of getting to and from work. Who does that FFS.

We started homeschooling a year ago and are always out and about. We are invited to loads of events (thriving HE community round here). Do I book/agree to things immediately? No, I say thanks for telling me, I'll have a look at transport (if it's somewhere I don't know already) and let you know ASAP. And then I get online and find out if it's something we can get to. Within a few minutes usually thanks to the bus/train sites and google maps. I don't say yes/pay for it and then assume that some other family will take us and throw a strop if nobody offers a lift.

Sorry for ranting, it really gets my goat when people are so entitled as it gives non-drivers a bad name!

[fiverabbits]

Update

My DD was on shift with the woman so my DH gave DD a lift in and home from work so that she wouldn't have to take the woman home. Instead the woman got another member of staff to take her home even though it meant him going out of his way to do it, he will soon learn !

[OOAOML]

The job is car based

I don't drive. A few times when I've been looking at changing jobs I've seen job descriptions that make it clear the job is car based. I don't apply. One of them I was very interested in so contacted them for more details to see if it could be worked around (it couldn't) but mostly I would just look elsewhere.

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

Don't stress about this. This situation is not of your doing. It's entirely up to your colleague how they get themselves into and out of work. Not up to you at all. Or any of your other colleagues.

I can't understand though, if the job is based around being mobile i.e. having your own transportation, how this person managed to get past the interview stages and get the job??? By that I mean if I were applying to be a travelling sales person, I'd make pretty sure that I would have a car (or that the company was supplying one for me) and that I had a full clean driving license too.

Good luck today!

[poppiesanddaisies]

It's home care; it's not exactly a job people are running to do lol.

Still love it though :)

[MidniteScribbler]

People who can't, or who choose not to drive, can't expect the rest of the world to be their taxi service.

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

Hope the conversation that your manager had with your colleague had the desired effect.

[StereophonicallyChallenged]

I would try and negotiate a rate of pay for you to cover the additional driving in this case tbh OP.

I know of a care company that does this. Employs non-drivers but the drivers get an enhanced rate to cover the driving over and above their share if everyone drove iyswim. 9So on top of the usual milage rate)

Think my dfriend gets about 10ppm additional for any driving above certain no of shifts per week of shifts and then a bit more ppm for giving colleagues lifts in and out.

Try asking, I imagine they will be keen not to lose a driver