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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about friend's birthday dinner

79 replies

notamum3210 · 09/02/2016 07:50

Last night, a group of us went out for a schmanzy dinner to celebrate a close friend's birthday.
Table for 5: birthday girl, birthday girl's boyfriend, friend 1 (Casey), my partner and me. The 5 of us regularly socialise together so there are no group dynamic issues.

the meal was supposed to be our (my friend and my) gift to my friend. I'd asked my friend for ideas in advance and she had taken ages to respond. I then provided some suggestions and eventually she chose this place. It's a very nice restaurant which does quite a reasonable set menu. We agreed that we would pay for ourselves and split the cost of our friends' share and then the boys would pay for themselves too. We spoke to the boys who were happy with that and made the meal a surprise.

It was lovely - very special. However I hadn't anticipated drinks prices when I suggested it to Casey. At the meal, Casey suggested wine for the girls and picked it. I agreed and was prepared to pay my share.

All was going well until the bill arrived. We began to calculate what the boys owed and then it came down to Casey and me. She put in £12 less than her share (in cash) and I said I'd have to pay on card. Birthday girl's boyfriend saw me looking uncomfortable and quietly calculating and recalculating with my partner and even offered to contribute extra but Casey kept insisting that it was our treat. At this point it was becoming a little awkward as birthday girl could see us faffing with the bill and I didn't want to put a downer on her special evening. We all paid and left.

I'm really pissed off. It's an expensive place and it was originally one of my suggestions (though I hadn't anticipated the massive wine spend or the uneven bill splitting).

However Casey did pick the place (and a number of my other suggestions were cheaper).

AIBU to be annoyed at being out of pocket?

OP posts:
KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 09/02/2016 07:52

Why didn't you just tell her she owed another £12?

I really dislike going out for meals with friends for this very reason!

LaContessaDiPlump · 09/02/2016 07:53

Why did Carey pay less? Was she not drinking?

I'd ask her about it I think.

manicinsomniac · 09/02/2016 07:53

Did you say anything to Casey? As she was so insistent about paying her share it seems to me like she might just not be the best at arithmetic and would be mortified to know she'd underpaid by that amount.

Difficult one to bring up though, I know.

londonrach · 09/02/2016 07:53

Why did t you ask her for the extra £12

Muskateersmummy · 09/02/2016 07:55

That was pretty unfair of her to put you in an awkward position like that. Chalk it up to experience I think.

stiffstink · 09/02/2016 07:55

What did you actually say to her about the £12 shortfall though? Did she realise she owed for the drinks and not just the food?

On a tangent - one bottle between three doesn't seem much!

Ragwort · 09/02/2016 07:56

What was her reason for putting in less than the £12 difference? Did she not have enough cash with her? Can't you call her today and say, 'it was awkward to mention it in front of but can you let me have the extra £12 which was the girls share of the wine' - or something like that?

honeysucklejasmine · 09/02/2016 07:57

Definitely need to ask why she underpaid.

Original poster
notamum3210 · 09/02/2016 07:57

Yes I said that she needed to put in an extra £12 and she said that she had already put in cash and looked at me blankly.
I didn't want to insist or make a scene as it was getting awkward.
Casey was the one who suggested wine, picked it and drank more than the rest of us including birthday girl.

OP posts:
OhShutUpThomas · 09/02/2016 07:59

Yes it was unfair but you should have just coughed up quickly, kept the receipt and sorted it with Casey afterwards, rather than make birthday friend feel uncomfortable.

DoreenLethal · 09/02/2016 08:02

Have you still got the receipt?

diddl · 09/02/2016 08:03

But Casey won't sort it out afterwards, will she?

If she didn't take the hint there & then, I doubt there'll be any use trying to get her to pay any extra after the event.

Next time I go out in a group I'm asking for my own bill & I don't care what anyone thinks.

Had enough of subbing other folks starters puds & wine!

Goingtobeawesome · 09/02/2016 08:04

Tell her she underpaid for what she had and she needs to pay you back the £12 you paid in the restaurant. This would be a deal breaker for me if she doesn't.

MackerelOfFact · 09/02/2016 08:05

I was going to suggest that maybe Casey thought you were splitting birthday girl's meal with her partner as well, but her comments to him imply otherwise. Did she realise she was £12 short or was it just bad maths on her part? If she realised, she should have offered to make up the £12 on her card, most restaurants would be fine with that.

Often with complicated bill-splitting it's a couple of people forgetting the service charge that ends up meaning things don't add up at the end.

Personally I'd probably drop Casey a text along the lines of 'Hey, great choice last night with the restaurant, it was lovely wasn't it? I think birthday girl enjoyed our treat too. We need to settle the bill difference at some point, how about you just get me a few drinks next time we go out and we'll call it quits?'

Depends how much you need the £12 though and if you think Casey will stick to the drink arrangement. Personally I find it easier/nicer to keep saying 'you owe me a drink' than 'you owe me money' but I'm not the world's most assertive person.

SuburbanRhonda · 09/02/2016 08:07

Is Casey her real name OP? You might want to ask to have that removed.

LaContessaDiPlump · 09/02/2016 08:08

I agree with Goingtobeawesome.

Original poster
notamum3210 · 09/02/2016 08:09

Not her real name.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 09/02/2016 08:13

Is probably let it go now but leave it as a warning for further dinners out.

To be honest it sounds a little bitty you and friend paying for yourselves and birthday and then partners chipping In for separate bits and bobs.

Scrabbling away at the end is always a but cringe

Only1scoop · 09/02/2016 08:14

'I'd'nor is

TheDowagerCuntess · 09/02/2016 08:15

Complicated bill splitting never ends well.

For £12, I would suck it up. I don't really understand why she seems to think it's been split evenly, and you think you're owed £12. If you're owed £12 and it's a deal breaker, then itemise it out for her, and ask for it. Otherwise, chalk it up.

witsender · 09/02/2016 08:16

I would just text her and say "I know you were avoiding complex bill juggling yesterday which is cool, but if you could let me have the 12 you owe me in the next day or so that'd be great...throws my budget off otherwise! Great night wasn't it. Xx"

expatinscotland · 09/02/2016 08:16

The whole thing sounded like a recipe for disaster to begin with. 'The boys' paying for themselves, wine for just 'the girls'. WTF? I think I'd just forget about the £12. Next time, take your friend out on her own and pay up.

Paddletonio · 09/02/2016 08:23

It's £12...I would just let it go. If you didn't explain to her at the time why she owed it (when she looked at you blankly why didn't you explain?) then realistically If you insist now you will only make it a bigger issue.

Out of interest did the boys pay the same amount as you, as casey or a different amount?

SevenOfNineTrue · 09/02/2016 08:28

I think it's too late now, you let it go. You should have gently added up all her items again and shown her the bill and then shown her the money she put in so she could see the difference with a polite smile on your face. Her blank look was either a way of not paying as much as she should or she genuinely thought she put the right money in.

TheDowagerCuntess · 09/02/2016 08:36

I think the boys paid less, as the wine was just for the laydeez. That in itself in inexplicable, on any dinner out I've ever been on...