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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about friend's birthday dinner

79 replies

notamum3210 · 09/02/2016 07:50

Last night, a group of us went out for a schmanzy dinner to celebrate a close friend's birthday.
Table for 5: birthday girl, birthday girl's boyfriend, friend 1 (Casey), my partner and me. The 5 of us regularly socialise together so there are no group dynamic issues.

the meal was supposed to be our (my friend and my) gift to my friend. I'd asked my friend for ideas in advance and she had taken ages to respond. I then provided some suggestions and eventually she chose this place. It's a very nice restaurant which does quite a reasonable set menu. We agreed that we would pay for ourselves and split the cost of our friends' share and then the boys would pay for themselves too. We spoke to the boys who were happy with that and made the meal a surprise.

It was lovely - very special. However I hadn't anticipated drinks prices when I suggested it to Casey. At the meal, Casey suggested wine for the girls and picked it. I agreed and was prepared to pay my share.

All was going well until the bill arrived. We began to calculate what the boys owed and then it came down to Casey and me. She put in £12 less than her share (in cash) and I said I'd have to pay on card. Birthday girl's boyfriend saw me looking uncomfortable and quietly calculating and recalculating with my partner and even offered to contribute extra but Casey kept insisting that it was our treat. At this point it was becoming a little awkward as birthday girl could see us faffing with the bill and I didn't want to put a downer on her special evening. We all paid and left.

I'm really pissed off. It's an expensive place and it was originally one of my suggestions (though I hadn't anticipated the massive wine spend or the uneven bill splitting).

However Casey did pick the place (and a number of my other suggestions were cheaper).

AIBU to be annoyed at being out of pocket?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 09/02/2016 08:41

Also that means the bottle of wine was just spilt between you and friend as birthday girl not being asked to pay so surely 12 pounds was just half the wine?

She just didn't pay for the wine. Surely not that hard to point out between two of you.

However....as u said before all get a bit cringe and scrabbly when it's being sorted as you explained.

WickedWax · 09/02/2016 08:43

It was a disaster waiting to happen with such a complicated splitting of the bill.

If Casey looked blank I guess she is just genuinely shit at adding up and didn't realise. So you can either send her a text worded as suggested by a PP, or let it go.

If you think she did it on purpose then it's a cheap £12 lesson learned for future - don't eat out with her again.

TheDowagerCuntess · 09/02/2016 08:55

I don't actually think you have to be genuinely shit at adding up, to mess this up.

Basically, food had to be split five way, with two people paying one/fifth, and two people paying 1.5/fifths.

Wine then had to split two ways, and added to the 1.5/fifths food bills.

And then sundry drinks (for the boys) had to be split two ways, and added to the one/fifth food bills.

Or ... two/fifths of people had to pay for exactly which food and drink they had ... and then two/fifths of people had to pay for three/fifths of the food + half each of the wine (as consumed by three people).

I think. Maths isn't my strong point. One person paying an extra £12 in this scenario is basically an inevitable/best possible outcome.😲

RhodaBull · 09/02/2016 08:56

As others have said, since it's £12 let it go. And as it was a special birthday meal it would be unfair to birthday girl to learn it's degenerated into a bill fight.

Your bill-splitting method sounded very complicated, and also restaurant (particularly fancy restaurant) drinks prices can be steep to say the least.

Just chalk it up to experience and when/if you next meet up declare at the start that everyone will pay for their own.

I do agree that it leaves a sour taste in the mouth to be shafted like this, and I have taken hits of far worse than £12. Bil in particular has form for wanting to split bills evenly (ie in half) when he has three adult wine-drinking dcs.

JohnLuther · 09/02/2016 09:02

Chalk it up to experience unless you think she did it on purpose, tbh my head hurts just sitting here reading how the bill was split.

bishboschone · 09/02/2016 09:05

There is always one who does this . Drinks much more than everyone else then won't cough up at the end . It always puts me off going out with friends for dinner 😁

CottonFrock · 09/02/2016 09:10

This kind of hair-splitting bill-calculation and finger-pointing makes me grind my teeth, especially when I'm imagining the friend whose birthday it was and her boyfriend feeling embarrassed as you and 'Casey' huddle together over the bill, and then you and your boyfriend sit 'quietly calculating and recalculating' - especially as the friend's boyfriend then offered to pay more, presumably because his girlfriend was mortified there was an issue over the bill for a supposed birthday 'treat'.

Surely it was a bit naive not to think of the wine issue in advance, anyway? That's how restaurants, especially high-end ones, make money - the mark-up on food is usually pretty minimal, especially on a set menu.

Also, I honestly don't get all that 'the girls' and 'the boys' stuff, which makes it sound like some kind of school tour. Weren't the only two men present your own boyfriend and the boyfriend of the friend whose birthday it was, rather than a mass of faceless male people? So why was 'Casey' only choosing wine for 'the girls', and you were calculating 'the boys'' bill?

Imnotaslimjim · 09/02/2016 09:11

I don't see why this is so complicated. The boys paid for what they ate/drank personally. The ladies paid the remainder, split between the 2 friends. So its a fairly straightforward sum. If you ask, the waiter will print the bill as just the 3 meals and wine, and let the blokes pay on their own

I'd love to know how she underpaid though. And for those of you saying its only £12, for some thats a fair amount

Only1scoop · 09/02/2016 09:13

As I said in pp

It's sounds just the wine that wasn't split between the two of you?

You paid 24.00 for the bottle?

Easy enough to work out.

diddl · 09/02/2016 09:13

"And for those of you saying its only £12, for some thats a fair amount"

Yeah, that's what my last meal out should have been instead of the £25 it did cost me!

(Nearly over itGrin)

What2 · 09/02/2016 09:17

Why don't you phone her. She probably genuinely thought she was right. Explain it to her and see what she says. If you are good friends it's best to clear the air.

nipersvest · 09/02/2016 09:17

it sounds like there was a lot of confusion, which probably should have been discussed more clearly before the meal. unless you are really strapped for cash, as its only £12, i'd let it go, i know its the principle of it more than the money, but, like i said, sounds like arrangements weren't made clear enough with 'casey'.

if it makes you feel better, i went for a meal years ago, big group of us, some left early and left cash to pay for their food, when the bill came it was huge. turned out, at the other end of the table, one girls boyfriend had been ordering wine like it was free. we were students at the time, so couldn't offer to chip in anything to help, girlfriend was in tears ended up paying an extra £300 while her pissed boyfriend sat slumped in his seat.

TheDowagerCuntess · 09/02/2016 09:19

So if Casey put in £12 less than her share, isn't the OP then paying an extra £24?

Funandgamesandfun · 09/02/2016 09:24

Surely you should have just split the bill equally excluding the birthday girl, you would have saved yourself a whole load of bother.

crabbiearses · 09/02/2016 09:27

really? for £12 id let it go, not worth falling out with a friend over, tell her she owes you a drink next time you are out and laugh it off.

pinkcan · 09/02/2016 09:28

You need to let this go because it is now too late. She isn't going to give you any money, there will just be dofficulties.

Casey should have been really embarrassed and offering to recalculate when she was told she was short but instead she side stepped and said "she'd put cash in". Clearly she was trying to avoid paying her full share.

Next time you go out, make sure you take enough cash. Don't put yourself in the position where the balance needs to go on your card (bitter experience!). Then you could have said well I've put £x in because xyz how much did you put in etc.

FruStefanOla · 09/02/2016 09:35

I agree with Funand, that's certainly the way it would work in our group.

I'm also a bit astonished that the guys were excluded from drinking the wine - there would be uproar if that happened with our friends Grin

Jux · 09/02/2016 09:36

Why on earth didn't you just split the bill into five? The two men pay one fifth each, and then you and Casey pay the rest equally?

Were you actually doing the "well, you had the shrimp which is this much, and I had extra croutons so that's this much" etc?

Imnotaslimjim · 09/02/2016 09:37

Maybe the guys wanted to drink beer? My DH doesn't drink wine in any way shape or form. At £24 a bottle he wouldn't have expected to pay towards it if he hadn't drunk any

bibbitybobbityyhat · 09/02/2016 09:38

Next time I'd go out for a meal with grown ups, rather than boys and girls.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 09/02/2016 09:39

Honestly, who doesn't realise that wine and drinks always adds hugely to the price of a set menu?

diddl · 09/02/2016 09:40

"I'm also a bit astonished that the guys were excluded from drinking the wine"

Presumably they didn't want any, rather than were excluded?

I can see how if Op & Casey wanted to pay for the friend's birthday meal & wine then they didn't just split it.

If including the wine though, it would have been easy to work out a perperson price & Op & Casey pay one & a half people each iyswim.

Theendispie · 09/02/2016 09:40

As much as I get all the lets not make a fuss over £12 sentiments and it was a bit complicated. People like Casey are total users and rely on people to not make a fuss and appear churlish so they can leech off of them.

But the £12 million pound question is does Casey have form for this or is it a one off?

whois · 09/02/2016 09:44

Sounds way too complicated for me! If you want to treat someone probably better not to invite other people. Then it would have been a straight 2-way split between you and Miss £12.

FruStefanOla · 09/02/2016 09:45

But diddl, the OP said "At the meal, Casey suggested wine for the girls and picked it." which rather makes it sound as though the guys didn't have any choice, rather than them (the guys) actually saying that they'd prefer to drink beer so it was just the three women drinking wine.