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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about friend's birthday dinner

79 replies

notamum3210 · 09/02/2016 07:50

Last night, a group of us went out for a schmanzy dinner to celebrate a close friend's birthday.
Table for 5: birthday girl, birthday girl's boyfriend, friend 1 (Casey), my partner and me. The 5 of us regularly socialise together so there are no group dynamic issues.

the meal was supposed to be our (my friend and my) gift to my friend. I'd asked my friend for ideas in advance and she had taken ages to respond. I then provided some suggestions and eventually she chose this place. It's a very nice restaurant which does quite a reasonable set menu. We agreed that we would pay for ourselves and split the cost of our friends' share and then the boys would pay for themselves too. We spoke to the boys who were happy with that and made the meal a surprise.

It was lovely - very special. However I hadn't anticipated drinks prices when I suggested it to Casey. At the meal, Casey suggested wine for the girls and picked it. I agreed and was prepared to pay my share.

All was going well until the bill arrived. We began to calculate what the boys owed and then it came down to Casey and me. She put in £12 less than her share (in cash) and I said I'd have to pay on card. Birthday girl's boyfriend saw me looking uncomfortable and quietly calculating and recalculating with my partner and even offered to contribute extra but Casey kept insisting that it was our treat. At this point it was becoming a little awkward as birthday girl could see us faffing with the bill and I didn't want to put a downer on her special evening. We all paid and left.

I'm really pissed off. It's an expensive place and it was originally one of my suggestions (though I hadn't anticipated the massive wine spend or the uneven bill splitting).

However Casey did pick the place (and a number of my other suggestions were cheaper).

AIBU to be annoyed at being out of pocket?

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 09/02/2016 09:46

She's either incompetent at adding up, or she's taking the piss.

I'd send witsender's text.

But your bill-splitting does sound very convoluted, and why didn't you add in drinks costs when you were budgeting for it?

SpaceDinosaur · 09/02/2016 09:47

Sorry...

To be annoyed about friend's birthday dinner
bibbitybobbityyhat · 09/02/2016 09:48

How much was the set menu, how much was the wine, what did the "boys" drink and how much was that?

EponasWildDaughter · 09/02/2016 09:48

YANBU to be out of pocket, but i can't tell if you think she did it on purpose OP? Surely not. In which case it was a mistake caused by complicated bill splitting.

A meal where someone could put in £12 less than their share must have been pretty expensive all together. I agree that for a birthday meal under these circs. it would have been better for someone to stick the whole lot on a card, keep the reciept and then work out who owes what the next day.

Apart form anything else it avoids the birthday girl having to watch everyone hunched over the bill. It does take the shine off the night.

diddl · 09/02/2016 09:49

"At the meal, Casey suggested wine for the girls and picked it."

Well I would read that as only the girls wanting wine, as it wouldn't occur to me that the boys would be deliberately excluded if they wanted some!

But yes, it could be either way.

dustarr73 · 09/02/2016 09:51

I wouldnt let it go,this thing really bothers me.She knew what she was doing and you wouldnt make a scene.I would just ring her and ask her for the 12 pounds.

And in future just bring birthday girl out yourself and treat her,makes it a whole lot easier.

MrsJayy · 09/02/2016 09:54

You should have just split the bill between the 4 of you equally sounds like Casey got confused and was adamant she paid her share or she is just stingy either way I don't think she is going to cough up the rest

LagunaBubbles · 09/02/2016 09:54

Do you think shes made a mistake or did it on purpose?

WipsGlitter · 09/02/2016 09:54

It does sound like a complicated split!

Agree split into five with guys paying 1/5 and you and Casey splitting the rest.

If you can afford the £12 let it go, if you can't or you think Casey is a user then send a message along the lines of:

Hi, great night last night. Bill was a bit complicated - X and X owed £xx, you and me each needed to pay £xx for ours and BirthdayGirls share, I put in £xx and you put in £xx so you owe me £xx. I saw you had cash so maybe you didn't have enough with you! No worries, will get it off you when we meet at xxx.

MaidOfStars · 09/02/2016 09:56

At the blank look, I would have laughed and said 'You're looking at me weird. Have I fucked up the maths? I make it £X between the two of us, what do you get?'

elfofftheshelf · 09/02/2016 09:57

It's £12 - really not worth getting this wound up over. Perhaps she is really hopeless at maths and the blank look was simply that she did not understand? Either way, your moment to explain is gone. I'd move on and forget about it.

yorkshapudding · 09/02/2016 09:58

I agree that the over complication of the bill splitting meant something like this was almost inevitable. Like previous posters, I'm struggling to get my head around "boys" and "girls" paying different amounts, the wine situation and why the bill couldn't just be split equally between everyone except the birthday girl Confused

I think chasing your friend for £12 after the event is likely to end badly, especially as it may have been a genuine mistake.

TheVeganVagina · 09/02/2016 09:58

Sounds like she forgot about the wine.

LovelyFriend · 09/02/2016 10:09

I didn't want to put a downer on her special evening
But I think you did.

Yes Casey was BU, but clearly you then created a bit of a scene over £12 with all your recalculations. Certainly put a damper on the birthday girls treat. The tip to treating someone is to smile graciously, and pay up without any fuss. (and take it up with Casey another time if you must).

Awkward!

MrsJayy · 09/02/2016 10:12

I agree it all sounds really awkward especially as birthday friend wasn't paying but had to watch the hoha going on

Lightbulbon · 09/02/2016 10:22

It's sounds too complicated

Zariyah · 09/02/2016 10:30

I feel for you birthday girl, too. She must have felt really awkward. YABU to have not paid and dealt with it afterwards.

Zariyah · 09/02/2016 10:31

**the birthday girl, not you birthday girl.

Jessica78 · 09/02/2016 11:17

Year 6 Maths question... Hmm

BigChocFrenzy · 09/02/2016 11:43

If she'd been drinking more than you, that could have downgraded her maths ability.

SevenOfNineTrue · 09/02/2016 19:49

The tip to treating someone is to smile graciously, and pay up without any fuss.

I see your point but Casey clearly shafted OP on the bill. If a friend ona night out questioned me on what I had put in towards the bill, I would have made sure I checked what I owed and had actually put the correct amount in.

XiCi · 09/02/2016 20:09

If you are friends why is communication between you so bad? When she said she'd given you cash why not just say ' you've not given enough, you owe another £12, it's £xx each'. I imagine that by looking at you blankly she just didn't understand how much she owed, either that or she thinks you're a mug. It's your friend so you should know whether she more likely to be crap at maths or a piss taker.

mommy2ash · 09/02/2016 20:19

I think we need a breakdown of the costs. This sounds overly complicated. I would have just bought a gift voucher for the restaurant for the amount you two wanted to spend on the birthday girl then split the balance four ways between the rest of you for your food.

It all sounds very awkward for the birthday girl

expatinscotland · 09/02/2016 20:24

I'd be mortified if I were the birthday girl. She must have picked up on this. All over £12.

WhiteBlueDaisies · 09/02/2016 20:35

Cringing on behalf of the poor birthday girl watching all this going on Blush

Next year I would most definitely be 'busy' if I was her.

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