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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brought Y1 child in late today - AIBU?

68 replies

kavvLar · 01/02/2016 18:39

I'll bow to the collective wisdom of Mumsnet.

On my own last night as DH away. DD2 (22 months) was roaring cranky and up til about half ten, then up through the night. Couldn't settle DD1 (5) properly as kept having to see to DD2 and DD1 did not sleep well due to all the racket.

Cue this morning lots of tears and tiredness. So I made the decision to bring her in late and sent her back to bed for an hour. Rang the school absence line and explained the circumstances, that I didn't want to make a habit of it and she doesn't need a day off so I would bring her in once she was rested.

I actually didn't think twice about it. She is only five and has done pretty well with her baby sister. She has had school refusal issues which she has done brilliantly to overcome, but for that reason I didn't want to keep her off for the whole day. I've worked with the school and the school nurse on this and they are aware of her issues.

However. I mentioned it to two separate friends and both were Shock and surprised that the school was ok with this. I'm not so sure they are as it happens. Now I'm totally questioning myself. I'm that mum aren't I?

Be gentle ...

OP posts:
3rdrockfromthesun · 01/02/2016 18:41

The school are probably aware of your situation and to be honest a rested child is easier to deal with than a tired one. You might have been called in later to pick her up and take her to bed anyway

TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 18:42

I think it was fine

lifesalongsong · 01/02/2016 18:42

It's not something I would do and I don't know what my childs school would think of it but you are definitely unreasonable to use brought/bring when you mean took/take Smile

inlawsfromhell · 01/02/2016 18:44

Last year when DD3 was a baby she was poorly, she kept us up all night finally dropped off about 5 in the morning and I slept through my alarm was woken at 10am by school calling us explained to them and kept DD1 off school till after lunch they were fine with it Smile

starry0ne · 01/02/2016 18:44

My DC wouldn't sleep once up so would be pointless...However if it is a one off , went in late no had the day off...I don't see the issue

roundtable · 01/02/2016 18:46

Oh stop it lifesalongsong. This isn't pendants corner.

If it's a one off, don't worry about it. They are usually concerned with chasing the persistent late or absent children.

Hope your sleep is better tonight. I bought a fan to drown out my noisy dc2 so dc1 couldn't hear the crying so much.

Osolea · 01/02/2016 18:46

YABU, sorry.

I get where you're coming from, but you've just told a child that already has school refusal issues that if they don't go to bed on time and they make a fuss the next day, then half a morning off school is a valid option. It's not.

Children need to stay off if they're sick, they don't need to stay off because they've had one night of less sleep than usual.

Can you imagine the chaos in schools if every KS1 child who had a younger brother or sister got a morning off every time a younger sibling was up in the night?

Sirzy · 01/02/2016 18:49

I wouldn't have, you made the call you thought was best but personally I would have sent in to school and explained to the teacher that they may be tired today and then planned an early night tonight.

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/02/2016 18:51

I can't see a problem. her refusals in teh past are a separate issue and if you want school to he a happy enjoyable place to go I can't see how her being tearful is going to achieve that.

she missed an hour she's hardly going to fail her gcses.

hazeyjane · 01/02/2016 18:53

If school are re ok with it then I wouldn't worry about what your friend thinks.

I am a bit surprised though. If the dds or ds were taken in late every time they had a disturbed night, they would never go in!

WaitrosePigeon · 01/02/2016 18:59

I don't think it should ever happen again to be honest with you. Although I understand why you did it.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 01/02/2016 19:06

Think it was a pretty bizarre choice to be honest with you. Why couldn't she just have an earlier bed tonight?

Hellochicken · 01/02/2016 19:07

I probably wouldn't have done this mainly as I drop off DD and DS at 9am so wouldn't want to do 2 trips
She is only 5 and I understand your reasoning and reckon school would too.

I'd be a bit worried it would lead to her refusing school again but you obviously have dealt with that before and I haven't so can make a judgement on that one. I suppose if she was very tired and had a terrible day at school because of it, that would be worse for all involved.

Gobbolino6 · 01/02/2016 19:08

I wouldn't do it myself.

Pipistrella · 01/02/2016 19:09

Sometimes you just have no choice and it's obvious what you should do, even if it doesn't fit the standard absence protocol.

I know people who would lie about an illness but I prefer just to be straight with the school - they may mark it as unauthorised if a child isn't actually ill, but at least they will trust you and know you're on side.

We had a late day a few weeks ago when ds3 was ill and we had to do a drive in the middle of the night to the OOH.

The other two had to come with me obviously and were shattered, so they both went in late.

I didn't hear a word about it, having explained fully on the phone. As long as it doesn't happen regularly you should be on solid ground.

Pipistrella · 01/02/2016 19:11

She's only five, too. Mine are 8 and 12 - I let them sleep it off, they had been brilliant when I woke them, no bother at all, and it was a long old night. They would have been useless if I'd woken them again at 6. It would have been stupid. So I let them sleep and then they were fine to go in late.

NationMcKinley · 01/02/2016 19:11

I'd have done the exact same thing. She's only 5. Hope everything settles down a bit for you all Flowers

HanYOLO · 01/02/2016 19:11

I wouldn't give it a moment's thought. A very small child (who you could argue is too young to need to be at school 6.5 hours per day), needed to rest, so went to school late. Didn't take the day off and go to the zoo, or flout any rules. Just had a nap and went when she was ready. If she needed to do this again I would co-incide her arrival with breaktime, to be less disruptive.

I think schools should formally allow infant age kids a designated number of duvet days.

Lookoutapiano · 01/02/2016 19:11

I think it's fine. 5 is still so young. I did it once or twice with my kids when they had disturbed nights and they have turned out ok ;)

negrilbaby · 01/02/2016 19:12

Your daughter is 5 - still very young. In many European countries she wouldn't even have started formal schooling yet. You put your child's welfare at the forefront. As long as it doesn't happen regularly I see no problem with it.

GwenethPaltrowIamnot · 01/02/2016 19:13

It's fine
One off and you were in control not your child

BackforGood · 01/02/2016 19:14

I agree with everything Osolea said.
I wouldn't have let her think there was an option of not going to school, I'd have just made sure she got to bed earlier tonight.

ClaudiaApfelstrudel · 01/02/2016 19:15

she probably only missed the register and assembly anyway, hardly going to make any difference at all. I think you acted quite reasonably really not sure why the friends gave you the big tut tut

LucilleBluth · 01/02/2016 19:19

She's a baby herself fgs. I have a five year old reception child and a few weeks ago she was up for hours in the night having nightmares....I called school and kept her off, s

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 01/02/2016 19:19

I'd have sent her in at normal time too. Imagine if every parent trooped in late as younger siblings had woke in the night. Poor message to send, especially to a chil who already doesn't want to go to school.

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