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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Brought Y1 child in late today - AIBU?

68 replies

kavvLar · 01/02/2016 18:39

I'll bow to the collective wisdom of Mumsnet.

On my own last night as DH away. DD2 (22 months) was roaring cranky and up til about half ten, then up through the night. Couldn't settle DD1 (5) properly as kept having to see to DD2 and DD1 did not sleep well due to all the racket.

Cue this morning lots of tears and tiredness. So I made the decision to bring her in late and sent her back to bed for an hour. Rang the school absence line and explained the circumstances, that I didn't want to make a habit of it and she doesn't need a day off so I would bring her in once she was rested.

I actually didn't think twice about it. She is only five and has done pretty well with her baby sister. She has had school refusal issues which she has done brilliantly to overcome, but for that reason I didn't want to keep her off for the whole day. I've worked with the school and the school nurse on this and they are aware of her issues.

However. I mentioned it to two separate friends and both were and surprised that the school was ok with this. I'm not so sure they are as it happens. Now I'm totally questioning myself. I'm that mum aren't I?

Be gentle ...

OP posts:

Pipistrella · 01/02/2016 19:21

Oh we had another great one where ds2 had rotavirus I think, and didn't have much of a window between upchucks so we put him dubiously in the car and attempted the 7 minute drive to school - about a minute in he threw up all over himself and the car and everything in it.

We did a U turn and although we got an unauthorised, they did say they completely understood!

clam · 01/02/2016 19:22

Speaking as a teacher, I don't think it's any of my business to judge the decision you make about your own child.

I would have done the same in your shoes.

PunkrockerGirl · 01/02/2016 19:23

Sounds fine to me.

Osolea · 01/02/2016 19:24

It's not true that being an hour late would mean they only missed assembly and registration in plenty of schools. In all of the schools I have good enough knowledge of, children in Y1 do maths and literacy first thing in the morning as it's likely to be when the majority of them are most alert.

AvaLeStrange · 01/02/2016 19:28

I would absolutely have done the same thing.

Hope you all have a better night tonight.

AveEldon · 01/02/2016 19:30

So she got up and then you sent her back to bed?

I'm of the view that they are either too tired for school and have the whole day off or they go in on time

Lurkedforever1 · 01/02/2016 19:34

I'm with osolea too. For me, it's not about whether they miss anything. It's about learning we always make the effort in whatever we do, rather than staying home whenever you feel you might not be in peak form.

Thatrabbittrickedme · 01/02/2016 19:34

Personally I would have taken to school at the usual time and let the teacher know she had had a bad night; and planned a good rest in the afternoon when she gets home and an early night. That said, you made a decision based on how tired she seemed in the morning, so I'm not surprised the school were perfectly reaosnable about it. I wouldnt make a habit of it though, there will be other nights when the baby doesnt sleep, this could be a bit of a slippery slope IYSWIM.

Is there something you can do to make sure your eldest DC is not so affected by a sleepless baby in the night in the future - eg shut her bedroom door, take the baby to the other end of the house/flat etc?

CremeEggThief · 01/02/2016 19:37

I once sent DS in at lunchtime when he was in Year 2 after our flight back from holiday was delayed and we got home at 2.30 am.
YANBU, as long as it's a one-off.

Bogeyface · 01/02/2016 19:37

I have done this and the school were fine with it. It was when youngest DD was a baby, she was poorly and it was an awful night. Everyone was up all night, so I let the kids sleep in until they woke naturally, about 11 ish iirc, and then took them to school after lunch. I cant remember what they put it down as but as we have never had an unauthorised abscence, I can only assume that it went down as sickness.

I think it helped that I looked like a chewed rag when I took them in! We clearly hadnt had a morning out at the zoo or anything :o

Purplehonesty · 01/02/2016 19:38

Yes I would do that too. Your child, your choice!!

jwpetal · 01/02/2016 19:38

It was fine that you kept her off. I have been in the classroom when children have fallen asleep in the middle of the floor and at their desks. I think that is worse for the child and their peers. She is little and needs her rest.

witsender · 01/02/2016 19:39

I'd do the same without blinking, school wouldn't bat an eye either. I have kept my same aged child off before when she has been exhausted and cranky

MissyMaker · 01/02/2016 19:44

YANBU. I would (and have) done exactly the same in a similar situation

caitlinohara · 01/02/2016 19:54

YANBU in the circumstances, I would probably have taken her in at lunchtime.

MrsJorahMormont · 01/02/2016 19:59

I think at age 5, your DD has plenty of time to learn all about making our best effort even when we're tired. At 5 I would do exactly the same, if I was in a position to do so. YWNBU.

Squiff85 · 01/02/2016 20:00

I wouldn't have done it myself, but you did and I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. As long as its not regular I wouldn't worry :)

rookiemere · 01/02/2016 20:04

I think it's an interesting one.

As I work and we have no relatives or anyone that can help out in that scenario DS has no choice - he has to go to school on time unless he's genuinely unwell and even then if it doesn't involve vomiting and he just looks a bit peaky then I go down the dose of calpol and fingers crossed I don't get the call from matron later, and do you know it's always been fine.

I was joking with my boss who also has DCs that I bet the attendance rate for DCs with both parents working is higher than for those with SAHPs as you can only take the day off work if it's really necessary.

I do think it's a bit unusual for a child to be late to school due to disturbed sleep and not something that should happen often. However kudos to you for thinking on your feet and getting her in albeit late, rather than just writing off the day.

Was DD2 in your room or sharing with your DD1?

LucilleBluth · 01/02/2016 20:04

This thread is actually really interesting. It is evident that the government has done its job of taking decisions away from parents when so many people are acting like a five year old being an hour late is like a worker missing a day at the office.

Brainwashing complete.

LucilleBluth · 01/02/2016 20:05

Evidence not evident.

Claraoswald36 · 01/02/2016 20:07

I wouldn't have done it but I am a bit devoid of empathy for my children sometimes. Dd1 tried to refuse her nativity play in foundation. I was having none of it until she puked all over the drive!

That said I know juggling screeching babies and young kids is fecking hard work because I am a lp to a 6 and 3 year old. Dd1 can magically sleep through all dd2's screaming shit but only through good luck - she would be wrecked like the op kid if she didn't!

Mistigri · 01/02/2016 20:08

lucille yes my thoughts exactly.

In most european countries she would still be too young for compulsory school ...

hazeyjane · 01/02/2016 20:12

Lucille what a bizarre post!

My ds sleeps badly every bloody night, and is up at 4.30 everyday, he honestly wouldn't go to school if I kept him off for a bad night. Dd1 and 2 have often been woken by him, again, it just wouldn't occur to me not to send them in until late, and I can't imagine my work would be very happy if I called them and said I would be in mid morning because everyone was having a lie in!

So not so much brainwashing as it just wouldn't cross my mind!

HoneyDragon · 01/02/2016 20:12

I've done the same. School say they prefer a child ready to learn than an absent child or upset over tired child.

And I've done with secondary. Poor Ds ended up coming home from school when we moved house and due to delays throwing himself into helping us put beds up and get straight enough to sleep. He didn't get to bed till gone one. When I called his school to explain he'd be in later and why, the attendance officer told me to let him stay off for the day and have a long weekend to adjust

blobbityblob · 01/02/2016 20:21

Just hope they don't get the 100 day cough. One of mine had it in reception and was up every night for three months. They were school phobic by the end, trying to deal with it all half asleep.

You know your dc. Do what's best for them, regardless of what anybody thinks.

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