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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Brought Y1 child in late today - AIBU?

68 replies

kavvLar · 01/02/2016 18:39

I'll bow to the collective wisdom of Mumsnet.

On my own last night as DH away. DD2 (22 months) was roaring cranky and up til about half ten, then up through the night. Couldn't settle DD1 (5) properly as kept having to see to DD2 and DD1 did not sleep well due to all the racket.

Cue this morning lots of tears and tiredness. So I made the decision to bring her in late and sent her back to bed for an hour. Rang the school absence line and explained the circumstances, that I didn't want to make a habit of it and she doesn't need a day off so I would bring her in once she was rested.

I actually didn't think twice about it. She is only five and has done pretty well with her baby sister. She has had school refusal issues which she has done brilliantly to overcome, but for that reason I didn't want to keep her off for the whole day. I've worked with the school and the school nurse on this and they are aware of her issues.

However. I mentioned it to two separate friends and both were and surprised that the school was ok with this. I'm not so sure they are as it happens. Now I'm totally questioning myself. I'm that mum aren't I?

Be gentle ...

OP posts:

UnDeuxTroisCatsSank · 01/02/2016 20:23

I don't think it is a real issue but in a school refusing child I would be very wary of letting them conclude a late night / unsettled sibling / other is a reason to miss school.

unlucky83 · 01/02/2016 20:26

I think you did the right thing ...when mine were that little -up to the age of 7ish - I wouldn't wake them up for school. Especially if they were a bit under the weather or had had a disturbed night.
I figured if they went to sleep at the normal time -a reasonable time that meant they usually woke up on their own in plenty of time and one day they didn't they needed that sleep and that was more important than missing a little bit of school.
Before anyone jumps on me I did it maybe twice for both of them...in by 9.40 at the very latest.

And they have both had less than 2 weeks off sick in their entire school years - 11 yrs for DD1 and 5 years for DD2 (she had a week off for chicken pox). And I know I and they are lucky they are so healthy/have avoided bugs - I just mean that I do take attendance seriously...just think sleep is really important at that age.

MazzleDazzle · 01/02/2016 20:28

YANBU at all.

When my daughter first started school we were told by the teacher that if our kid had had a rough night and hadn't slept, not to wake them up. So long as we called the school it was fine to bring them in later. It rarely happened, but it was a relief knowing that this was an option.

I remember one morning our house was an absolute disaster. I was shouting, the kids were in tears and then the car wouldn't start and it was raining! I said 'Sod this!' and took the kids to a cafe for a nice breakfast and then dropped them off to school late, but happy!

She's 5! Life is too short.

I'm all for setting good habits and routines, but sometimes it's ok to bend the rules, especially where little ones are concerned.

Claraoswald36 · 01/02/2016 20:30

It's not brainwashing at all its maintaining a routine for your child. I'm not that concerned about my kid missing the odd day of school but I am concerned she will twig if she feigns illness or whatever she might get out of it and the cycle begins

Arkwright · 01/02/2016 20:31

I would have taken them in normal time and made bedtime earlier that night.

Bogeyface · 01/02/2016 21:13

I would have taken them in normal time and made bedtime earlier that night.

Which only works if you have a child who will make up their sleep in this way. I have 5 who will simply lie in bed shouting, pissed off and wanting to get up, and wont go to sleep until their normal time.

"Just" bringing bedtime forward an hour rarely works ime. Far better that they get the sleep they need when they need it, than forcing them to try and concentrate throughout a whole school day when they are exhausted.

Bogeyface · 01/02/2016 21:20

I am concerned she will twig if she feigns illness or whatever she might get out of it and the cycle begins

A child who is happy at school will not want or need to "get out of it" by feigning illness, so if they do then you need to be looking at why they dont want to go to school, not dragging them in come hell or hight water and ignoring those signs that something is very wrong.

StrumpersPlunkett · 01/02/2016 21:23

I work in ks1 in a primary school,
On a regular basis we have a child that comes in about an hour late.
The child has missed the input for the mornings activity. So although they are there to do the task, the why and how it should be done has been missed. It is impossible for the teacher to sit and repeat the information for the child every couple of days. (The frequency which the child is late)

All that said. As a one off I don't think you did the wrong thing, please try to avoid it becoming a habit as it isn't a great thing but I guess you know that.

StealthPolarBear · 01/02/2016 21:27

I don't think yabu but am awaiting the post from someone saying she will have learned 100x more at home with you than she ever would have done at school

eyebrowse · 01/02/2016 21:28

DCs primary school would quite often send foundation children home because they had fallen asleep in school. IF they had made it in for the morning then they had not missed the most important part of the day (literacy and numeracy)

MidniteScribbler · 01/02/2016 21:44

I'd not worry about the child coming in late, but generally it is easier for them to come at recess, so they aren't arriving in the middle of a lesson.

chillycurtains · 01/02/2016 21:53

Absolutely no problem at all. I get so fed up of hearing people a) acting scared of the bloody school and doing as the school tells them when they are the parents not the teachers and b) forgetting that they know their children best and that the parents are more important than the teachers and responsible for their children's upbringing.

You did the correct thing. You knew what you needed to do in your DD's best interests and you did it. Don't give it another thought.

228agreenend · 01/02/2016 22:01

I think you did the right thing. If she has school refusal issues, then it's better that she goes in refreshed, then tired and cranky.

millimat · 01/02/2016 22:01

Another teacher, and I'd have done the same in your situation. Don't feel bad.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 01/02/2016 22:06

What happened when you sent her back to bed? None of mine would actually go back to sleep under those circumstances and so I'd say better to get them up and out. They seem to cope better with tiredness when they're distracted from it anyway.

I have let them sleep a little later before now but used the time to get everything super organised then dressed them myself, quick breakfast and into school just in the nick of time.

ouryve · 01/02/2016 22:06

I would probably have done the same if I had such a young child that it would have made a big difference to.

Mine are older, though, and go in regardless after even a truly shit night - 5am starts are pretty normal here, and 3am starts or not settling until 1am are not unheard of.

DancingDinosaur · 01/02/2016 22:09

I would do it.

Original poster

kavvLar · 01/02/2016 22:50

Goodness, thanks for all the responses. This has made for really interesting reading.

I swore I'd go with the Mumsnet verdict but it actually seems fairly split.

To answer a couple of the questions, they were in different rooms but DD2 was making a particularly big racket, more so than usual. DD1 is also keen to stick to bedtime routine story etc and it doesn't play out that way if DD2 kicks off. We have a few strategies in place but this went beyond most of them.

I can see a real argument for sending them in come what may. That is, I suppose, part of your personal parenting style. If you're a no nonsense type you would probably have applied the same approach to the school refusal. I've tried it and I haven't found it to be successful in our particular case but that's not to say it's wrong. She just doesn't respond to it.

She got in about five past ten and missed assembly (teacher wrote a note to say that sadly she missed out on getting a certificate at the assembly but they gave it to her in class. Think he did not care for the being late approach)

Thank you all for being kind no matter whether or not you agreed, it's been very enlightening indeed.

OP posts:

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