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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel uneasy about the lying?

76 replies

KateSpade · 31/01/2016 08:07

I need a MN jury opinion here, please

I've recently got into a new relationship & I found out last night that a few weeks back he met up with his ex gf for a DVDs/food night, he didn't tell me, and lied to me about what he was doing!

He says it was so I wouldn't worry, nothing happened, but is this a huge red flag?

Opinions and WWYD?

I don't care who he sees and I trust him, it's just the lying that I don't like?

Am I being petty to think of ending my relationship over this?

OP posts:
Shakey15000 · 31/01/2016 08:09

Not petty at all. Dump him and feel glad you didn't invest a whole lot of time.

Katenka · 31/01/2016 08:10

No I wouldn't like this.

Lying so 'you don't get upset' is total bullshit. He lied so he could go and didn't have to deal with any fall out of going round to his exs.

It's a cop out.

MakeItRain · 31/01/2016 08:13

I would break it off too. Like you say, it's the lying that would bother me, not just about who he was seeing but also inventing another night out. You say you "trust him", but you can't trust someone who finds it easy to lie.

nutellacrumpet · 31/01/2016 08:14

LTB. The lies will only get worse.

GloGirl · 31/01/2016 08:15

LTB.

Bumshkawahwah · 31/01/2016 08:15

Huge red flag. I'd be very, very wary. YANBU

Scarydinosaurs · 31/01/2016 08:15

Well done for spotting the lie and absolutely dump him.

Lies are shitty and he has lost your trust.

StrictlyMumDancing · 31/01/2016 08:30

I wouldn't be able to trust someone who would so easily lie like that. And that would completely end it for me personally. YANBU. Massive red flag

Katenka · 31/01/2016 08:32

I don't care who he sees and I trust him, it's just the lying that I don't like?

Why would you trust him?

He has shown you he is a liar and will excuse it by making it sound like he was doing it for you.

He is showing you who he is, pay attention.

Throwingshade · 31/01/2016 08:34

I doubt she is his 'ex'

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 31/01/2016 08:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KoalaDownUnder · 31/01/2016 08:34

Nope, dump.

Not good enough.

GNRmama · 31/01/2016 08:37

Massive red flag and way below what you deserve, leave him. Please don't try and tell yourself this is an overreaction because it isn't, lying to a partner is not ok and undermines the trust needed for a relationship to work.

Pipistrella · 31/01/2016 08:37

How did you find out?

You can't trust him if he lies about that sort of thing (or anything really)

OohMavis · 31/01/2016 08:38

There's only one reason to lie about something like that. And you know what that is.

Dump his arse.

BeaufortBelle · 31/01/2016 08:42

I had drinks with an ex shortly after I met DH - it was a catch up sort of thing to tell him it was really it, etc. I didn't tell DH and it represented the final closure. We have been married very happily for 25 years. I don't think I've told DH about yet. It would have upset him at the time; he didn't like the chap because the chap hurt me.

Not so cut and dried perhaps.

londonrach · 31/01/2016 08:43

Why did he feel he had to lie about it😒. Theres more than he saying. Id move on if i were you as i suspect he hasnt moved on from her yet.

firesidechat · 31/01/2016 08:43

How long have you been together?

Why do you trust him?

Trust is something that builds rather than something you can have at the start of a new relationship. It would seem that he has already shown himself to be untrustworthy after a short time.

firesidechat · 31/01/2016 08:45

I would dump him, but I draw a line in the sand over any kind of lies.

CalleighDoodle · 31/01/2016 08:48

firstly, how did you find out?

Secondly, lies destroy relationships. From pastexperience id be glad i found out so soon and move on.

carabos · 31/01/2016 08:50

She's not his ex. She may even be his wife Hmm. Don't waste your time. You deserve better.

Penfold007 · 31/01/2016 09:00

So that would be food, DVDs and sex with his maybe ex? Wonder how he would feel if you had such an evening with your ex. Dump and run

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 31/01/2016 09:02

How long have you been with him?
If I was in a new relationship I wouldn't expect to tell him everything I was doing when not with him, or who I was seeing. I wouldn't lie, and maybe that's the issue for you, but why would you expect to be told this stuff automatically?

ricketytickety · 31/01/2016 09:07

Double red flag - lies not acceptable, date with ex odd

SevenOfNineTrue · 31/01/2016 09:09

Dump him. He is already lying to you about an important thing like meeting up with his ex, what will he lie about next under the guise of 'not upsetting you'.

I appreciate the point that the meeting could possibly be for closure but, if so, he would have met her in a public place and been honest with you about it.

Meeting an ex for DVD's and food waves a huge red flag and there is no way they did not have sex.