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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a good morning or greeting should be forth coming?

60 replies

AllTheMadmen · 28/01/2016 10:07

When I drop my dd off at pre school nursery I can walk in and out and literally not a single person to say " good morning, " or " hello"!!

Am I old fashioned> is it normal to be blanked and ignored?

I took DD this am and she ran off and then got shy, not a single person went up to her, ( she is new starter this term) or even noticed her, I had stayed back a moment to watch and she stood there.

I had to ask a memeber of staff to go up to her and say good morning and just settle her in for a few moments.

No the staff were not busy. Three were chatting in a corner with their backs to the door, one was sat with the dc just sat not engaged, another was sort of floating around. This was pre doors open by the way, so I was the only parent there. nO MAD rush.

At my other dd nursery the staff greeted me, said hello, made eye contact, said hello to my other DD, took her hand and got her going. After a few weeks dd happily ran in with confidence but until this point, they greeted her and welcomed her.

on DD very first morning EVER I picked her up and asked how she had been and got a very casual. " Yeah fine" then walked off. That was my DD very first morning of nursery EVER.

Beat this out of me! Am I just old fashioned and expecting too much?

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 28/01/2016 10:09

Have you asked them why they don't greet you, I think that would be my first step

SaucyJack · 28/01/2016 10:10

What do you mean by pre-doors open? Are you supposed to be there?

MrsJayy · 28/01/2016 10:10

The staff should at least say hello to her not everybody but certainly her keyworker should say Hi its bloody rude not to

Original poster
AllTheMadmen · 28/01/2016 10:11

Ivy I don't want to make a fuss.

the other day I accidentally turned up a little early about ten mins, I was smiling at the door, pressing the buzzer worried I was late, Instead of actually opening the door and telling me ( I am new to the pick up after all) and saying I was early they put heads down and ignored me.

When we finally got in, and I realised my mistake I said " I am sorry to turn up early I really thought the time was X" nothing!!

I personally think its an appalling lack of people skills.

OP posts:
Original poster
AllTheMadmen · 28/01/2016 10:13

Yes saucy its morning club.

I want to make it clear its not normal drop off time and loads of parents dropping off and I am there in the middle of the crowd expecting a personal greeting Grin

But even at other times, there is a distinct lack of I dont know! Just contact! People skills

OP posts:
Vaginaaa · 28/01/2016 10:16

If you are early, they have to ignore because they don't know if you'll be one of the pushy parents who tried to insist on an extra ten minutes every day. Easier to ignore all until opening time. Possibly aren't paid until then too.

SonyaAtTheSamovar · 28/01/2016 10:20

It is poor people skills.

Janeymoo50 · 28/01/2016 10:24

It's awful, the whole lack of interaction plus very rude. It must stem from the top, whoever the manager is. The other staff normally follow the lead in this. The putting the heads down would really grate on me.

FedoraTheExplora · 28/01/2016 10:27

Even if there was loads of parents there, you should still expect to be greeted personally! I worked in a nursery for 6 years. Nurseries and preschools should both be really hot on developing staff/ parent relationships, especially key worker/ parent relationships. Never mind the fact the fact they don't even bother greeting DD! Would make me wonder how much attention the kids get when no parents are there..

FedoraTheExplora · 28/01/2016 10:31

And there's no need to ignore a parent if they're early! Especially if they're new. Just a friendly reminder that they're not allowed to let you in until x time. Some parents can be pushy; it is then your job to be firm and assertive about the rules. The vast majority of parents are like OP - apologise, say they made a mistake and wait patiently for 5-10 minutes. I have never known a parent to push their way past you when you have told them you aren't allowed in and demand you look after their children immediately so I really can't see that as a reason not to open the door!

Original poster
AllTheMadmen · 28/01/2016 10:32

Janey I agree. There used to be a head teacher - manager but she retired years ago.

Now there is no manager as such and they share the head with the primary school. The head is lovely of the primary though, but it feels like there is no one in charge at the nursery.

The old staff greeted you, made eye contact even if they were chatting to another parent and you took your child off home, there would be eye contact and acknowledgment. The staff much more forward - forthcoming, now its like they would happily ignore...its odd.

OP posts:
Original poster
AllTheMadmen · 28/01/2016 10:33

I was early once at pick up, and this morning I was morning club and we pay for it.

OP posts:
ceeveebee · 28/01/2016 10:37

That's quite rude, and not a great role model for your DC to follow.
By contrast, at my DCs nursery the door is always locked so we ring a bell to get in and we are greeted with good morning, then when we go into the room again the nursery nurses and the teacher will all say good morning and our names, and the DCs are supposed to reply with "good morning Mrs.....".

FedoraTheExplora · 28/01/2016 10:38

Oh! You're allowed to be early whenever you pick up your child - it's your child and you're paying for a service so you can pick them up whenever you want IMO. Maybe different at preschool

NoTimeLikeSnowTime · 28/01/2016 10:45

Honestly? Bit crap. Would rile me and make me wonder what else they can't be arsed with.

It's the opposite at my DC's preschool. They make a BIG thing of saying GOOD MORNING to every child as they arrive, and GOOD BYE as they leave. It is actually on the 'things we do at our nursery' sheet I hesitate to call them rules pinned up, and I have spent a year modelling it, cajoling, encouraging blackmailing my DCs to say a nice Good Morning and Good Bye back.

Original poster
AllTheMadmen · 28/01/2016 10:48

Interesting no time!

I could get my dd without a goodbye, its good that the greeting is modeled and stressed.

I didnt want to get her early Fedora, it was a mistake! I thought I was late and its been rightly drummed into us to collect promptly, I stood there grinning with apologetic look on my face I had also been side tracked talking to another mum ...I felt so stupid and cant believe no one just opened the door, to talk to me!!

OP posts:
BillBrysonsBeard · 28/01/2016 10:49

YANBU.. That is really rude! I've never been in a nursery like that.. They sound totally disengaged from the job. I was quite shy at that age and I would have felt so anxious without at least a reassuring greeting and smile. It's just weird... I would speak to the head, maybe she's not aware of how the staff are being?

Original poster
AllTheMadmen · 28/01/2016 10:50

bill I would like to say something to someone, but I have another two years of them Sad I want to vent here and say nothing there.

OP posts:
Starbores · 28/01/2016 10:50

That's not on at all. There should be a member of staff greeting the children as they come in! Do you have to sign a register? Just wondering how they keep tabs on who's there and who's not.

limitedperiodonly · 28/01/2016 10:55

Terrible.

And if you are the person who habitually turns up inconveniently early, then that will become clear and a member of staff can politely but firmly point out the opening times.

Illcya · 28/01/2016 10:56

Sounds like an awful place. They talk about the parents who do the school run in PJs well this is almost if not just as bad. Good Manners cost nothing but go a long way. Do they all look miserable in their workplace or just don't have time for the children and parents/carers?

Error404usernamenotfound · 28/01/2016 11:02

You are not being old-fashioned, they are being rude and unprofessional. At DD's nursery, the staff make a point of greeting every parent and child on arrival, asking how they are, if there's anything they need to be aware of (eg bad night's sleep, etc). On pick-up, they will always tell every parent how their child has been, how much they ate, slept, etc. This is regardless of how busy it is, and sometimes I will be waiting a few minutes to be seen, but the staff know it is important that they and the parents are aware of how the children are and if there is anything they need to know re health or behaviour.

I personally would be asking myself whether this is the best place for my child to be for the next two years, if the staff don't even greet the children in the morning. You are within your rights to speak to the head about the staff being so disengaged.

ridemesideways · 28/01/2016 11:05

Why don't you want to complain?

OohMavis · 28/01/2016 11:05

I wouldn't be happy leaving my child in a place like that. I know that sounds dramatic, but it's really important to me that I know they're going to properly communicate with my child whilst I'm not there, and me.

I changed nurseries with DS because of their lack of proper hand over. They'd ignore me when I'd come to pick him up, and not even a smile in greeting in the morning for him. Left a nasty taste in my mouth and I wasn't comfortable at all.

Original poster
AllTheMadmen · 28/01/2016 11:09

I wouldn't say its a bad nursery ( pre school?).

My DD loves going there, and I do like her key worker, she is sweet but I get the impression just a bit shy and lacking with adults?

The lady who is I suppose the sort of manager I find really cold she is the one who nearly let us go without a word on DD first ever day ever of nursery!!

limited I agree, I was sort of treated ( when i turned up early at the door and ignored) like that parent who always turns up early! But it was two weeks into new term.

I would have opened the door smiled ( at new parent) and said " do you know your a little bit early? collection is x time! I would have apolgised and waited.

OP posts: