Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a good morning or greeting should be forth coming?

60 replies

AllTheMadmen · 28/01/2016 10:07

When I drop my dd off at pre school nursery I can walk in and out and literally not a single person to say " good morning, " or " hello"!!

Am I old fashioned> is it normal to be blanked and ignored?

I took DD this am and she ran off and then got shy, not a single person went up to her, ( she is new starter this term) or even noticed her, I had stayed back a moment to watch and she stood there.

I had to ask a memeber of staff to go up to her and say good morning and just settle her in for a few moments.

No the staff were not busy. Three were chatting in a corner with their backs to the door, one was sat with the dc just sat not engaged, another was sort of floating around. This was pre doors open by the way, so I was the only parent there. nO MAD rush.

At my other dd nursery the staff greeted me, said hello, made eye contact, said hello to my other DD, took her hand and got her going. After a few weeks dd happily ran in with confidence but until this point, they greeted her and welcomed her.

on DD very first morning EVER I picked her up and asked how she had been and got a very casual. " Yeah fine" then walked off. That was my DD very first morning of nursery EVER.

Beat this out of me! Am I just old fashioned and expecting too much?

OP posts:
Original poster
AllTheMadmen · 28/01/2016 11:13

on DD first ever day I was expecting to have her key worker do the hand over.

I don't expect a run down every time, I am happy to pick and go but on her first day I was expecting more fuss?

oohmavis thanks for that. Gives food for thought...

OP posts:
scatteroflight · 28/01/2016 12:14

This does sound a bit strange that they are so studiously uncommunicative. Are there any language barrier issues with the staff?

leelu66 · 28/01/2016 13:01

"The lady who is I suppose the sort of manager I find really cold she is the one who nearly let us go without a word on DD first ever day ever of nursery!!"

They should greet you but why do you keep over-emphasizing that it was her first ever day ever of nursery? You make it sound like the second coming of Christ.

limitedperiodonly · 28/01/2016 14:18

The first day at school is a big deal for children and probably more so for mums.

If you don't think the staff will look after your child, even in your heart of hearts you knew you were being irrational, I can see that you'd be upset.

They are all our PFBs even if they're number three or more.

WonderWomanwasmyheroine · 31/01/2016 15:41

We moved our ds from a nursery where this happened. I was a bit unsure of the interaction at pick up and drop off so deliberately went a bit early a couple of times and they just weren't interacting. Basically chatting and ignoring the room of toddlers in their care, ds was playing with a radiator thermostat on the last occasion! Picked son up after that and told them he wouldn't be back, you have to go with your instincts kids are too important not to

insancerre · 31/01/2016 15:45

Doesn't sound good
I run a preschool and my staff greet each of their own key children and their agents. If they are not in, then somebody else will do it. Most mornings, I'm there too to greet parents, children and have a chat. Its a really important part of our ethos. We take parent partnerships very seriously, and its nice to have a chat.
If I see that a member of staff hasn't noticed a child that needs greeting, then I will ask them to go to that child and parent
I actually allow our funded children to start arriving 15 minutes earlier than their proper start time because it would be too busy if they all arrived at the same time and we wouldn't be able to welcome them all properly.
Op, does the preschool have a suggestion box, or send out surveys? Or is there some way you can give them feedback?
They really should be trying harder.. They don't sound as if they are bothered. But if the manager isn't bothered, then the rest of them aren't going to be either.

insancerre · 31/01/2016 15:47
  • parents! Not agents
PageStillNotFound404 · 31/01/2016 15:53

Instead of phrasing it like a complaint, could you advise an appropriate member of staff that you're trying to model appropriate greetings and leave-takings to DD and could they help support you in that as nursery is such a brilliant opportunity to get this behaviour established? Then if they agree, over time it might become a habit/second nature to them.

Tessabelle74 · 31/01/2016 15:54

I'd be finding a new nursery personally!

Smooshface · 31/01/2016 15:55

Can you look elsewhere? If I got this treatment on a visit I wouldn't have dreamt of sending my child there (in fact, a nursery that was most convenient for dd1 I decided against, even though it was walking distance, because the staff did not care when we came in etc, all other nurseries the staff were keen to chat and meet us, show us what was happening etc).

LauraChant · 31/01/2016 15:55

I removed DS2 from a nursery where I didn't feel they were settling him properly in when he arrived. Not just that, other reasons too, but I thought it was so important, in his first few weeks, to greet him and get him engaged in something so I could leave without a fuss. Obviously as time went on there would be less need for it.

The nursery he then joined was brilliant and although the environment was more chaotic and louder, and the key worker was very popular with all the children and always in the middle of something, he would always greet me and DS, chat a bit and tell DS what was going on, and if he wasn't around another worker would.

Wineandrosesagain · 31/01/2016 16:01

Op is there an alternative nursery you could use? I would not be happy at all with this lack of communication and I would assume the staff are equally uncommunicative with the children when he parents have gone. I think you need to either look elsewhere or have a meeting with the Manager to express your concerns.

Original poster
AllTheMadmen · 31/01/2016 16:19

limited thanks, yes its a huge day when you have had your child at your side for three whole years with no other child care at all.

I would expect some one in that setting to recognise that and just give a little more feed back than " yeah, fine"

Thanks for the comments. I will keep a look out for comments - suggestions or surveys.

My dd loves going there and is often in her key workers arms at collection which I think its an excellent sign. There are other aspects which make me think its a good nursery too.

I suppose its because I am quite shy, and its hard for me to walk into new environment, get things wrong and instead of being guided as explained above " did you know your a bit early " etc rather than ignored...its harder for me and makes me feel even more akward.
Because no one comes forward with a greeting I am not sure who to speak too if I need to say anything at all.

there is no one forth coming to take the bull by the horns, and own the space as it were...

I think its a lack of polish? Professionalism? Or just plain old lack of manager.

I do like so many different aspects of it, and when I get into it the routine more it will be better.

Just a shame really...simple thing like hello - lets it down so much

OP posts:
ppeatfruit · 31/01/2016 16:37

You are being entirely reasonable . Of course you and your dc should be properly greeted. I'll never forget my ds who was sooo keen to start 'big school" in reception, we were 2 minutes early, the teacher just came over to the door ,no smile or greeting she just said 'The session starts at 9". My hear sank and she turned out to be a miserable unpleasant teacher who put ds off school for good really.

teacher54321 · 31/01/2016 17:06

That's rubbish. At both the nurseries Ds has attended the staff have greeted him and me every morning and dismissed him by name at pick up. I think that's appalling lack of courtesy.

SnookyWookyWooWoo · 31/01/2016 17:19

Glad someone has asked this as ds started nursery beginning a couple of weeks ago and I've been wondering what is normal practice.

His is a school nursery so not paid for. He goes well every day and it was a huge jump considering he had spent every day with me never had childcare of any sort.

I found the teachers and assistants did greet him but they always seem too busy. There is definitely a mad rush every day at drop off and pick up but I expected some feedback at some point. I understand they can't have a discussion with every parent every day it would take forever but I wanted to know how my little man was doing.

He has now started to go into nursery happy but come home really really miserable and grumpy, which I'd put down to tiredness and hunger but it's every day. Twice this week they'd made biscuits with most of the kids and left him out. When I asked (because he was balling his eyes out) they promised to make one one Wednesday but come Wednesday again he was left out and left nursery in floods of tears. It's just not like him

I ask how he's doing and they are vague. I get "yes he's been fine" quite a lot. I ask if he is using the loo and they tell me "I don't know they just take themselves off to the toilet". I have been told they would check but this meant them just asking him if he'd been (which I could do myself)

Sorry to hijack your post op but I feel the same and it's so worrying. I want to know my ds is being interacted with and how he is settling in!

Will be watching this thread also to see others view on it. He's my eldest so no clue what to expect.

Cordychase · 31/01/2016 17:52

I would complain to the head. Greeting a child when they arrive in a pre school setting is basics. They are out of order, perhaps the head doesn't know that parents are having this experience.

PegsPigs · 31/01/2016 19:02

OP it was my DD's first day at preschool a few weeks ago and the nursery manager came out to the main area they're let out to us in and gave me a personal run down of how her day had gone and 2 pairs of dirty pants and an explanation for them! Even on her settling in sessions I got a personal run down when I picked her up.

DD doesn't get handed over to someone per se but all the staff line up to say hello to them and us as we walk them through. I'd say it's not OK to ignore the parents and children on arrival.

SteadyNow · 31/01/2016 19:17

That's awful! You must feel terrible leaving her there, I think I'd have to find somewhere else...my boy has been in the same nursery since he was 9 months old and despite it being busy and me always dropping off st rush hour, they never fail to give us a (rather too) cheerful good morning, asking how we are, what plans, if any, they have for the day, taking my little boys coat off and giving him a kiss quite often! When I pick up in told what he's been up to, how much he's eaten and whether he has slept. They put his coat on for him, give him a cuddle and semd him on his way. This nursery of yours doesn't sound worthy of the name and I think you have every right to complain!

Kithulu · 31/01/2016 20:50

I'm sorry but how is it a good sign that she is in their arms? Surely that would be a sign that she was unhappy or uncooperative if she needed to be picked up?
Look for another pre school. They can still feed into the same primary school. Your child will learn from the example of the adults around her, they are her role models. Make sure they are modeling the kind of behaviour you want to see in your daughter.

Original poster
AllTheMadmen · 31/01/2016 21:18

I think I am sensitive to it from doing quite a bit of reception work. If I saw someone wander in, or look unsure in anyway, I would always without hesitation greet them, ask if they were OK , say hello etc.

I would always try and greet them really as soon as they set foot in the door, or, if I was on phone or with another customer I would at the very least make - eye contact. Same with bar work, serving someone, let the next people know I have seen them, and will be with them soon....

But I find the main school office a bit the same, I always seem to be nervous - going in...hovering, wondering what to do, wait and let them see me, and interrupt them, or say hello????

Again, on reception which also could be part of and in the office, I took charge to help people coming in!
One wonders if no one says to the staff, we are the face of the school etc etc...

OP posts:
allegretto · 31/01/2016 21:21

Rude - and I wouldn't be happy with a nursery like that either. I wouldn't be surprised if they had social skills on their learning objectives but don't actually have any themselves!

Original poster
AllTheMadmen · 31/01/2016 21:22

kit no I can see she hasn't been upset at all, she is in arms coz being read too etc..

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 31/01/2016 21:25

No you are not old fashioned. Its just basic ettiquitte and manners..This is not acceptable at all. It's daunting enough for an adult not be acknowledged, let alone a child. Very unprofessional. They should be greeting the dcs by name. As this gives them the reassurance that they are welcome and a sense of security and belonging.
I'd be having a long conversation

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 31/01/2016 21:27

I think you ought to speak to the head of the school to let them know that it's not doing them any favours re their admissions in 2017 if the staff at the preschool can't be arsed to form relationships with parents (stakeholders!) As an aside, my DS's nursery worked always refer to us all by name and take an interest in our family life. Salt of the earth, lovely people.

Swipe left for the next trending thread