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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to do the school run next week?

58 replies

cantthinkoffunnynamewastaken · 28/01/2016 09:23

I have been signed off work for a month with stress. This may be extended.
Dh ex had asked months ago if we can have the dsc to stay next week while she goes on holiday. Fine, no worries. They are 13 and 15 and I know they are used to lifts to and from school most days. I have Dh while they stay here they will need to use good old fashioned public transport. There is a bus outside our door at 8.25 which gets them to school for roughly 8.45. Dh is working all week, he is self employed On a contract basis. We also have a 15mo dd. Dh ex wife is not happy that I will not be using my "time off" to drive the dsc to school and back again. I don't really care tbh but just thought I would ask. Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
cantthinkoffunnynamewastaken · 28/01/2016 09:24

Sorry, I have told Dh

OP posts:
StillRunningWithScissors · 28/01/2016 09:25

Nope. Hope you're feeling better soon.

HanYOLO · 28/01/2016 09:26

At 13 and 15 they can get themselves there.
If they can't something has gone badly wrong with their parenting.
Stay firm
Kids probably won't mind/will probably enjoy the freedom.

(my 11 year old gets himself to and from school on the bus 3 days per week)

perpetuallybewildered · 28/01/2016 09:26

I don't think you're BU. It appears to be an easy and convenient bus journey.

Hope you start to feel better soon.

comedycentral · 28/01/2016 09:26

Yanbu, they will be fine getting the bus.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 28/01/2016 09:27

If there is a door to door bus which takes 20 minutes and they are teenagers nobody in their right mind could think you are obliged to drive them unless the bus gets them to school late - what time does their school day start? Do they need to be in their form room by 8.45, meaning they will get marked in late or even miss registration if they have to get there from the bus stop, across the site and up a few flights of stairs via locker...?

BeyondBootcampsAgain · 28/01/2016 09:27

Nope, not U. Time off sick isnt holiday and even if it was, lazy fuckers can get themselves to school

SecretSpy · 28/01/2016 09:27

It's not your job to make her happy.

13 and 15? I'm sure they'd get the bus to go to the cinema or hang out with mates. So they can easily get to school.

Is 8.45 early enough? Some of our local ones start earlier. Maybe check if there's an earlier bus in case.

DartmoorDoughnut · 28/01/2016 09:27

YANBU at all

VoldysGoneMouldy · 28/01/2016 09:27

Are they used to the bus route? Have they done it before? Will the bus still get them to school on time with work day traffic etc?

BeyondBootcampsAgain · 28/01/2016 09:28

If it does get them there late, they need to get an earlier bus!

HPsauciness · 28/01/2016 09:28

8.25?! That's practically mid-morning. My dd who is younger goes an hour earlier than this. Of course you are not being unreasonable, if anything it may be good for them to get a bit more independent and do the run so that everyone's day isn't taken up running a 13 and 15 year old to school (if it is on her way to work, fair enough, but they really are old enough to look after themselves).

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 28/01/2016 09:29

My kids have been getting the bus since they were 6 :o School bus for primary, technically a public bus for secondary (though it only runs twice a day and only school kids and the occasional older pensioner catch it :o ). They would consider it horribly embarrassing to be driven to school... but we live abroad where children just aren't driven to school.

powerfail · 28/01/2016 09:30

Most schools here start by 8.35. Will 8.45 mean they are late?

AlisonWunderland · 28/01/2016 09:30

If you were working, i assume they would have got the bus?
And their mother was ok with that when visit was first arranged?
The DSC going on the bus is much easier than you having to get 15mo organised to go in car so that you can drive them

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 28/01/2016 09:33

Is there an earlier bus cantthinkoffunnynamewastaken ? Are the buses frequent? That could be the problem, being charitable and hoping the kids aren't just being bratty or the mum isn't being silly...

HanYOLO · 28/01/2016 09:33

If the 8.25 is too late, they can catch an earlier one, surely? Even if they only run every half hour 7.55 is fine to set off.

Are the kids having a big old stroppy whinge because their mum is going on holiday without them. Happens. They could also take a mini cab in the mornings and walk/bus home.

Seeline · 28/01/2016 09:39

I agree - YANBU, at that age they can definitely get the bus to and from school.
BUT definitely check that that bus gets them to school on time. Both mine have to be in their form rooms at 8.30. Consequently my 11yo leaves the house at 7.30, and my 14yo at 7.40.

Janeymoo50 · 28/01/2016 09:45

Maybe compromise, bus to school, you collect. It might just make things a little smoother for everyone (you especially, even though it might not seem like it right now). Hope you feel brighter soon op.

howabout · 28/01/2016 09:50

YANBU. I have a 14 and 13 year old and a toddler. The older 2 have been independent for a long time. I note there is no mention of their father taking them to school.

cozietoesie · 28/01/2016 10:17

You need to - at least potentially - be very together when you're driving. Who knows what situation might arise. If you've been signed off with stress, the last thing you should be doing is driving youngsters to school when it's not needed. Let them take the bus.

SouthWesterlyWinds · 28/01/2016 10:32

YANBU

At that age, they should be able to get themselves to school on a direct bus. And the ex has some brass if she expects someone who is signed off work with stress to potentially out their job at risk. I agree with PP to double check when they actually have to be in class. They would probably love the independence as well. Plus do not comprise with picking them up. What's the phrase - rite of passage? If they don't learn some independence skills now, they'll be floundering in the deep end as adults. Case in point - I met a man last week who was grumbling about his son and wife. Son has moved out of the family home to be with girlfriend. His wife would drive over and wake his son up, make him breakfast and drive him to work. Bloke put foot down, wife stopped doing it, son lost his job after three days as "mum wasn't there to wake me up". God knows where or what the girlfriend thought!

You could always point out that if she disagrees with the bus solution, that she could always cancel her holiday and take them herself?

Seeline · 28/01/2016 10:48

I wouldn't do the pick up either. I find that way more stressful that drop off, if I have to do one or the other. There is never anywhere to park, the kids take ages to come out, they may have different after-school clubs and finish at different times anyway.
If their mum is that bothered she can arrange for taxis.

MrsRedFly · 28/01/2016 10:49

They should be getting to school themselves

As teenagers they should become more independent (life skill)

In fact from now on they should be getting the bus

Xmasbaby11 · 28/01/2016 10:51

Yanbu. They can travel by themselves. Do you still have to look after the toddler? I am on sick leave for 6 weeks and dc aged 2 and 4 are in nursery full time as I am sick and cannot look after them.

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