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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not agree with the pre-school teacher?

64 replies

Bishopsbuddy · 27/01/2016 09:36

My son will be 4 in March and is currently attending Pre-school. He is small for his age but fully developed and meeting all milestones.

After Christmas the teacher pulled me aside and told me my Son is unable to clean himself properly after having a bowel motion (in the toilet, he's totally toilet trained) she said he quite often smears poo on the toilet seat and doesn't clean it afterward (he's three) and although attempts to clean he never does it properly.

She asked me to train him to poo before or after school as the situation as it is is not acceptable.

I have been trying hard to teach him to clean properly and I sent some wet toilet paper into school to help him. She had phoned and said that the wet wipes aren't allowed to be used in school as they will block the drains.

What else can I do?
AIBU to consider pulling him from pre school all together???

OP posts:
AlwaysDancing1234 · 27/01/2016 09:41

I have several family members who Re pre school and nursery teachers and staff and this is a very common thing. "Train him to go before and after school" is a stupid suggestion. I think all you can do is guide (nag constantly) your DS to wipe properly

Original poster
Bishopsbuddy · 27/01/2016 09:42

I'm just really worried that she's making such an issue he will begin to hold it in and have bowel problems.

OP posts:
VaginaRecliner · 27/01/2016 09:45

Ask her to create a visual guide that can be stuck up near the toilets, and use the same one at home so he gets used to checking it. Basically a little cartoon of a child using the toilet, wiping properly, wiping the seat, etc.

She should also be offering positive feedback every time he goes to the toilet on his own.

Her attitude is awful, frankly. She should be working with you to support your son's independence and confidence, not demanding that he poo on cue like a performing bear.

plantsitter · 27/01/2016 09:46

I would go in and talk to the teacher and find a workable solution together. You can't have him not pooing at certain times, as you say. Seriously they should be helping him with this - cleaning up your own poo is as important a skill as phonics at 3 and they should not be making it into such a massive deal!!

StrawberriCream · 27/01/2016 09:47

Send in a nappy sack and some wet wipes then the wet wipes go in a bin?!

Lndnmummy · 27/01/2016 09:48

Sounds terrible to me. My son who is exactly the same age as yours (4 in march) will only poo in the nappy. Fully toiket trained and has been for a year with his wees but every evening he asks for a nappy and poos in it. The GP and HV and the very helpful org ERIC has all said the same. Never ever make an issue with poo as they will start to withold.

They are so little i think the fact that your son goes at all is great. Apart frm helping him and showing him how to clean, do not make it an issue and def do not train or even suggest that he has to go outside school.

Original poster
Bishopsbuddy · 27/01/2016 09:51

Thanks all. I feel much better. I wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable. I'm going in today after school to chat and see if I can come to a solution which suits us all. Thanks. Xx

OP posts:
MigGril · 27/01/2016 09:54

They could also have the toliet spray that you use to clean the seat with loo roll with in public toilets. Worries about blocked loos then.

Lots of pictures is a good idea and they are all over our nursery and preschool. Reception have them for hand washing and even high up the school to I think. Although the older ones have written signs.

This should be a issue they are used to dealing with in preschool, as some still aren't even toliet trained at this age.

Furiosa · 27/01/2016 09:55

It's a skill he will need to learn but it takes time and accidents with smearing and messy toilet seats are to be expected.

My personal view is that the teacher is setting you and your son up to fail if she expects his wiping technique to improve overnight. However if she's willing to accept that you're both working to improve it then that's all anyone can do. Please don't "train" him to only poo at home, this will most likely fail and cause your son to be upset at pooing at school.

Remember he is allowed to use the toilet at school, it's what it's there for. It's just his technique that needs work.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/01/2016 09:57

How on earth can you train someone to poo at certain times

RudeElf · 27/01/2016 10:00

My son (6) has an issue with toiletting too. He would leave a mess but at home he knows he can use the wet wipes on himself and put them in a nappy sack and then wipe the toilet seat with cleaning wipes which goes in the sack too. However the school wont allow this for the toilet blockage reason and my son gets really anxious and soils himself rather than go to the loo and make a mess. He wont tell anyone when he has soiled himself either. I find it really upsetting. I try and get him to go before school but his bowels just arent ready to go that early and it starts him in a panic that he will have an accident at school. Sorry i have no solutions, i'm just persevering at home with getting him to clean up properly using toilet roll as best he can.

2016Hopeful · 27/01/2016 10:09

Surely they could help him, if he was still in nappies they would have to change him anyway.

I am pretty sure I got called to assist in bum wiping a long time after 3 years old!!!

Very wrong of them to expect him to not go at preschool. That is probably just the natural time for him to go.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 27/01/2016 10:15

Her attitude is awful, frankly. She should be working with you to support your son's independence and confidence, not demanding that he poo on cue like a performing bear
^^
This. Is it her first year teaching pre-school? I appreciate no one trained as a teacher to clean toilets but surely this goes with the territory with this age group and both she and the school should have solutions in place to cope with Victorian drains if parents are willing to supply wet wipes ?

Original poster
Bishopsbuddy · 27/01/2016 10:16

I am so confused by her attitude. He is my youngest of four children and this is the first time in 16 yrs I have been called about hygiene issues. I'm kind of mortified. He is well turned out and has no
Other issues so I'm kind of annoyed she's making such an issue. I don't want to be resorting to pull ups etc. I'd rather keep him at home or move him.

OP posts:
RhubarbAndMustard · 27/01/2016 10:21

This doesn't sound right to me. My DS is only a few months younger but we still have to help him wipe. Our nursery have never said anything and he always comes home clean so assume they do too.

hazeyjane · 27/01/2016 10:22

YANBU.

I work in a preschool, and see it as part of my job to help children with their personal care whether it be nappies, toilet training or using the toilet and helping them with clothing and hygiene afterwards. It is so important to give children respect and dignity with these sort of things and to offer encouragement towards independence, not trying to force them and push them into things that they are not physically capable of, or emotionally ready for.

If i was looking after your son, I would use the visual images, make up a song, and try to put him at his ease, while he practices wiping. We would celebrate his successes and if he needs help, let him know he can ask for it, and help him.

My dd2 struggled with wiping her bottom until she was in year 1 at school, I don't know why, but she just didn't seem to be able to manage getting her arm around and doing the job properly! I put a ziplock bag in her school bag, with some spare pants, some wet wipes (not flushable) and a nappy bag to put any mess in, back in the ziploc bag and home for me to sort out.

However at preschool, I would expect them to help, I hope if you talk to them you are able to sort something out.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/01/2016 10:27

Train him to go at certain times, what?!

That's ridiculous.

SatsukiKusakabe · 27/01/2016 10:30

My ds had only just toilet trained when he started preschool at 3.5, I think he held it as much as possible but when he had an accident someone helped him clean himself up. A year later, before starting school he was much more capable and in the few weeks leading up I had little practise sessions with him doing it himself and he really took to it.

He is really capable now of taking himself at school and does a good job of cleaning himself, but even at school they helped him once when he was caught short and no words were had about it.

What a non-problem to make you feel bad about at this stage!

LeanneBattersby · 27/01/2016 10:30

FFS I think three year olds who can wipe their own arses till completely clean and not get poo everywhere are in the minority. I'd be expecting a lot of offers of help from staff at their age. Cleaning up poo is unfortunately a part of their job.

spiderlight · 27/01/2016 10:54

Lndnmummy Apologies if you've already tried this and I know it sounds really stupid, but it worked utter miracles for us in a similar situation: Poo goes home to Pooland. You can get it as an app as well now apprently. Very simple story, but two reads of it with our DS resolved a poo-withholding fear literally overnight.

Goingtobeawesome · 27/01/2016 10:57

I'm pretty sure I was still helping my child when he was at reception. Train him to go before or after preschool is dangerous in so much that it would cause issues.

Birdsgottafly · 27/01/2016 11:21

Is this the individual teachers issue, or does it mirror school policy?

Accidents happen and someone has to deal with them, if the teacher is finding it difficult to leave the class to clean up, then she needs to go to the head and access support.

She shouldn't be recommending that your DS is caused further anxiety around toilet needs.

It was fine to address it with you, obviously, because we all need to learn to use the toilet, cleanly.

hazeyjane · 27/01/2016 11:30

Birds this is a preschool, there shouldn't be an issue of leaving the class, as they should be set up for children with a variety of toileting needs.

Scarletforya · 27/01/2016 11:34

I work with this age group. Most struggle to wipe perfectly! Tell her the wet word go in the bin! She sounds inexperienced?

Scarletforya · 27/01/2016 11:35

Wet wipes go in the bin rather

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