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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not agree with the pre-school teacher?

64 replies

Bishopsbuddy · 27/01/2016 09:36

My son will be 4 in March and is currently attending Pre-school. He is small for his age but fully developed and meeting all milestones.

After Christmas the teacher pulled me aside and told me my Son is unable to clean himself properly after having a bowel motion (in the toilet, he's totally toilet trained) she said he quite often smears poo on the toilet seat and doesn't clean it afterward (he's three) and although attempts to clean he never does it properly.

She asked me to train him to poo before or after school as the situation as it is is not acceptable.

I have been trying hard to teach him to clean properly and I sent some wet toilet paper into school to help him. She had phoned and said that the wet wipes aren't allowed to be used in school as they will block the drains.

What else can I do?
AIBU to consider pulling him from pre school all together???

OP posts:
Florin · 27/01/2016 11:43

I would expect her to help. She would love looking after our son who at 3.5 refuses to potty train at all! Nursery are fully supportive of him and us.

Ginfox · 27/01/2016 11:55

Similar problems here with 4yo DD. Pre-school teachers will help her if they know, but she doesn't always tell them she needs a poo, just goes to the loo on her own.

Asked GP - because I wondered if constantly messy poos were due to diet - and she suggested training her to do it at home (yes, a GP said this).

Asked a paediatrician (whom I happen to know through work) and she suggested try cutting out dairy to reduce the slimeyness iyswim. We're working on that at the mo.

Hygiene is like anything else, needs to be taught and practiced, and some kids are better at it than others. Should not be made a big deal.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 27/01/2016 12:02

DD is 6yo and still learning to perfect her wiping technique. Most of it is due to her long body length and simply struggling to reach all the way around. Now she's grown a bit, she's doing better but I always ask her at home if she's okay and wants me to check.

At 4yo she was pretty rubbish at wiping and would often come home with some level of smear in her pants. I don't think it's unusual at all and I would expect pre-school to be well versed in assisting children with toileting.

Wigglebummunch31 · 27/01/2016 13:09

FGS he is 3, she needs to help him and praise him. I have to occasionally help dd1&2 and they are 8&9 Shock

teacherlikesapples · 28/01/2016 06:24

Her attitude is disgraceful. Perhaps she needs reminding that developing self help skills and independence with toilet training is actually part of the EYFS. The revised EYFS supports the gradual development of autonomy in self-care. So it sounds like he is moving in the right direction- but her attitude could set him back, so you are right to be concerned. It is part of her role to support your child in becoming confident in this area. As someone pointed out earlier, it is just as important as phonics and won't be helped by her negative attitude.

I would focus on the positive with your little guy, try not to make a big deal of it if he has an accident, because it is pretty common for a child of his age. Practice the skills at home, talk him through what to do if he gets into a poo situation at nursery, part of that would be asking for help when he needs it (or ideally before) but for that to be successful, the staff need to change their attitude. So I would discuss the issue with them again. Stating what you will be working on, your concerns and what their responsibilities should be. Good luck!

nutellacrumpet · 28/01/2016 06:46

Teach him to wipe his own arse!!! All the children in my child's preschool (exactly same ages) are all totally toilet trained. It is a prerequisite of being able to go. It is part of a pre prep private school... maybe this is the difference. The staff are there to teach and play with the children. Not wipe shit of the toilet seat daily because you haven't taught your child had to use a toilet properly yet.

dottycat123 · 28/01/2016 06:58

Oh dear novella,get out of bed the wrong side this morning?!

MrsBobDylan · 28/01/2016 06:58

nutellacrumpet op's child is toilet trained try to keep up. He is also taught to wipe himself he just isn't very efficient at it yet because he's three.

Your post is mean, rude and full of shit unfortunately.

hazeyjane · 28/01/2016 07:05

Ignore nutellacrumpet, despite sending her child to a private pre prep (oh my, we are not worthy), she clearly has no idea about childcare and what early years education should entail. She is proof that money can't buy class.

Eminado · 28/01/2016 07:12

Nutella get a hold of yourself and spend some time educating yourself on child development.

Chrisinthemorning · 28/01/2016 07:13

My son goes to a private school nursery too and the practitioners help wipe his bottom, they are lovely with him. He's only been reliably potty trained for a few months and is on movicol for constipation. I've tried to teach him but his manual dexterity isn't there yet. It's a developmental stage. His fine motor eg pencil skills just aren't great yet.
The pre school teacher sounds horrible, I'd be looking for a new setting.

TiggyD · 28/01/2016 07:15

Those toilet wipes are designed to go in the toilet and break down like toilet paper. Teacher is an idiot.

It's a skill that needs to be learnt/taught. Is there anybody at nursery who can teacher children? Teacher is useless.

It's pretty common. Children's arms are shorter compared with their bodies than adults' are. They're like little T-Rexs. Teacher is an idiot.

Sounds like one of those places that's run like a school for 3 year olds. Focus on education and less about care. I don't like them much.

TheNumberfaker · 28/01/2016 07:21

Tell her it should be part of her job to deal with it. He's only three!!

zzzzz · 28/01/2016 07:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 28/01/2016 07:41

Those toilet wipes are designed to go in the toilet and break down like toilet paper.

And plumbers and drain companies love them for all the business they bring in

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals · 28/01/2016 07:47

OP that is ridiculous I am a deputy manager of a pre school, you cannot train him to poo after school ffs he is not a dog! Professionally I would support and put the wipes you sent in a nappy bag, I would complain to her, to her Line manager, setting manager and last resort Ofsted, its physical development, health and self care in the EYFS, he is only 3, he just needs a little more help IMO.

SoupDragon · 28/01/2016 07:49

I'm sure I read somewhere that if a child can't reach over their head and touch their ear, their arms aren't actually long enough to efficiently wipe their bottom. None of mine were any good at it until reception.

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals · 28/01/2016 07:50

Nutella - nice attitude, glad you don't work at my pre-school, have you read the EYFS recently, its all there in black and white, support and guidance, just incase you missed itHmm do Ofsted share your professional strategy? Just saying......

ChocChocPorridge · 28/01/2016 07:57

I'm an adult, and I would struggle to properly clean poo off a toilet seat using dry paper alone - I would always use a wipe or a spray, they need to do something to help out there and teach him how to wipe a seat.

Also, if poo is smearing the seat, it sounds like he's having trouble getting up and down - is the toilet just a bit high for him still?

At 3, DS1 was still having great trouble wiping himself. He's 5 and still only really does a good job when he has wipes. Luckily he does normally poo outside of school hours, but that was natural - I can't imagine how you could go about training someone (I'm trying to imagine trying to shift the times I do my own poos, and it doesn't sound like something that would be easy or pleasant)

GloGirl · 28/01/2016 08:03

Ha! Rich children have cleaner arses Grin Bet their poo smells like roses too.

OP, my nearly 3yo is toilet trained but can't pull his trousers down or up and yesterday was the first time he even tried to wipe his own bottom after a poo. His preschool have been fabulous.

Mrscog · 28/01/2016 08:03

Nutella, your child's school is non compliant with the Disability Discrimination Act. Nice. Just the kind of place I'd like my child to be educated in!

ThatsNotMyHouseItIsTooClean · 28/01/2016 08:15

I was going to make a point similar to ChocChoc. At home, DS does leave a smear of poo on the seat occasionally as it is a "proper" loo. At his (purpose built) nursery, this isn't an issue as he uses the small children's loos so his feet touch the ground and he can stand up to get off rather than have to slide over the loo seat to get off. I know that he will have the same set up for Reception & Y1 so, whilst he needs to improve his own wiping, he shouldn't be leaving mess for others.

BoffinMum · 28/01/2016 08:17

She has got a very odd view of what the average three year old is capable of. And this tendency of educational settings to command parents to 'train' children to poo at home seems to be growing and a load of rubbish. It's not even developmentally possible and if she had any kind of half decent knowledge of the child development literature she would know that.

Anyway, I would escalate this and starts writing letters.

Nutella, I loved the way you slipped in the 'Pre-prep private school' reference there, as though only Posh People toilet train their kids and the plebian classes 'forced' to use state nursery schools are utterly incapable of managing to brandish the ol' bog roll. I visit schools all the time, in a professional capacity, and actually worked in a 'Pre-prep private school' for many years, and I can tell you now, three year olds are the same the world over when it comes to learning to wipe. You are being the worst kind of snob. Really.

BoffinMum · 28/01/2016 08:18

Mrscog, it is indeed non-complaint and they could be taken to court. It's called the Equality Act now, btw.

jelliebelly · 28/01/2016 08:19

If he is leaving a mess everywhere then that is very unhygienic for others so I can see why they want to sort it. Pooing before or after school is nuts tbh. You need to teach up how to clean up after himself / he'll get it in the end!