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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why some school mums are so mean?

71 replies

Neveradullm0ment · 26/01/2016 13:11

Just that really. I've had a bit of an experience with the same group of women. who decided they didn't like myself and another woman - we weren't friends with them and had done nothing (except try and organise something nice at school - this was before it had happened btw) The thing is at school and even at work I've never had any experience of women being mean to another woman for no reason. To qualify, I had female bosses I've disagreed with, and female friends whom I've had heated debates with and fallen out over - but it was something specific. No one picked on each other.
Where does this come from?

OP posts:

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 26/01/2016 13:22

I think some women still think they're playing house and with their Dolls. Reading your post they sound like little 10 year olds not letting people play. You're better off without them. They're idiots

SpeckleDust · 26/01/2016 13:24

Nothing better to do with their time?

Or maybe they like a bit of drama therefore need to create it.

spanky2 · 26/01/2016 13:25

The playground makes them think they are still the 'a' crowd at school.

wickedlazy · 26/01/2016 13:27

Be bitchier back. Cut the leader dead with an acid tongue and they'll just shoot you evils in future. Sometimes you have to show you're not intimidated by them before they back off. Don't know what drives people like this, insecurity maybe?

bumbleymummy · 26/01/2016 13:29

Bored and like creating drama. Just feel sorry for their pathetic little lives and move on.

Wineandrosesagain · 26/01/2016 13:30

Probably too much time and not enough to fill it with. My relationship with school mums is limited to a nod and a smile, possibly a bit of small talk if children are late out. I don't get at all involved in their lives. Probably helps that I don't do the school run much.

mrspremise · 26/01/2016 13:31

Just remember that "the boos usually come from the cheap seats..."

AppleSetsSail · 26/01/2016 13:32

I've always liked the school gates (with a few exceptions); as an expat I was delighted to have so many people of my same demographic in a single spot, it was an ideal setting for making friends.

Unfortunately I think the rise of the 'tiger mum' has made the school gates a lot less pleasant.

Cantseetheforest · 26/01/2016 13:32

I've always been excluded from school mum friendships. It used to bother me, but now I'm relieved!!

MrsFrisbyMouse · 26/01/2016 13:34

drama llamas

Alicewasinwonderland · 26/01/2016 13:37

because they are women.

I worked in a male only environment, in a female only and in a mixte one. The women only work place was horrendous. Women are much more bitchy, looking into petty details, ready to cry and make a scene without notice. Guys have a much healthier attitude, they don't take themselves so seriously.

(some) mums at school are even worst because they have too much time on their hands! Pity them, don't get drag into their sad life!

wickedlazy · 26/01/2016 13:39

I'd rather be rude to people like this once and walk on by them in future, than spend years trying to play nicey nicey and listening to bitching. Or ignoring snippy comments aimed at myself to keep the peace. There are a few mums who seem really lovely though, and who I will chat away with. One introduced herself the other day, but I've forgotten her name already (what to do...)

Alastrante · 26/01/2016 13:39

Probably on anti depressants and wondering where their lives are going.
IME this makes people less likely to be easygoing

slebmum1 · 26/01/2016 13:41

And this is why I arrive at school at exactly the right time for the gates to be open and no hanging around required.

RaniyaF · 26/01/2016 13:41

Err- that's a bit of a leap - Alastrante?!?

SlatternIsTrying · 26/01/2016 13:42

I experience both sides of this as I work but also do the school runs most days.

I have never had a problem with playground mums at all. Most of us are too busy getting kids organised and in before the bell goes, or getting out of the crappy weather, to be the slightest bit concerned what anyone else is doing.

It would take a lot for me to (a) notice what another mum was doing or (b) be shocked/appalled/bothered by it.

In the workplace I have come across of all kinds of woman from the vindictive to the mardy to the lovely. The same is true of men. I just think there are different personalities everywhere and I can't get on with everyone.

BikeRunSki · 26/01/2016 13:43

It's happened to me too. I previously considered the ringleader a good friend. Feel like I'm 12 again hiding from the school bully. Unfortunately she lives very close and - more than a year later - makes a point of turning her car round in front of my house. It's a cul de sac, but that is by no means the only spot to do so and she should learn to drive her living room on wheels.

wickedlazy · 26/01/2016 13:43

There's standing grunting at people with hood pulled up and obviously cba being there my charming dp and then there's standing dolled up like your going clubbing, whispering, looking intently at people and laughing, gossiping loudly so people hear snippets etc.

Baressentials · 26/01/2016 13:45

I don't know. At my dcs previous school all newcomers were welcomed, directed to the fb page for that year group. All so friendly.

Dc have started a new school, no fecker has even looked at me despite their dc saying look mum there is the new boy I was telling you about let alone said hello to me.

I am meeting the teacher this week and will ask her, it may be that people are incredibly busy but must admit I feel a bit shit. At the our school a new parent parent would have been welcomed by the other parents. If they didn't want to engage or get involved then no problem. But the existing parents would have made the effort to start with.

I hate school pick up time now.

Leelu6 · 26/01/2016 13:48

because they are women. I worked in a male only environment, in a female only and in a mixte one. The women only work place was horrendous. Women are much more bitchy, looking into petty details, ready to cry and make a scene without notice. Guys have a much healthier attitude, they don't take themselves so seriously

Alice, this is such bullshit. I've worked in all female environments and found that the majority of women are professional and supportive of each other. You have the odd manipulative woman, but then I've also encountered manipulative male colleagues.

Don't tar all women with the same brush. You sound judgemental and hateful of the female sex.

ppeatfruit · 26/01/2016 13:51

DH thinks that a lot of people never grow up, so you get the playground ethos wherever you go (however high powered your workplace is).

Sadly IME it's the case, not everyone of course.

QueenofallIsee · 26/01/2016 13:52

Why do you hate pick up time Bare? It doesn't matter if they don't engage with you, there is perhaps more of a conveyor belt culture and its not the only place to meet people! Just get the kids and go on with your day

cleaty · 26/01/2016 13:52

I agree that this is about people with too much time on their hands who are bored.

chillycurtains · 26/01/2016 13:55

They just have too much time on their hands. Bored women with not enough interaction with a variety of people. They spend all their time with the same few bitchy people in their lives and it narrows their view of life.

ppeatfruit · 26/01/2016 13:59

I disagree about they have too much time on their hands, you can be a pleasant busy person or an unpleasant one and vice versa.

It's just some people (not just women) are mean and others are not.

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