Dm calling dd another version of a name

[InspectorMontalbano]

I just had a dd, her name is Lily, like the flower.
Dm is calling her Lillian, I know she thinks flower names are 'common' and not a serious name but ffs .
I do like Lillian but her name is Lily

Can't she use it as a pet name between the two of them? Until she gets bored anyway.

In my experience grandparents who use a different name for their newborn Dgc soon give up-it's too complicated to keep calling them something when everyone else calls them something else.,

Is there another version of mum or Grandma she doesn't like? Becuase I would make a point to refer to her by that.

I think she's riding roughshod over your decision. Have you pulled her up on it?

What does she say when you correct her?

I'd say something! My son has a name my Grandmother doesn't like, when my dad told her the name she proclaimed "I shall call him Anthony" (Anthony is his middle name) Dad told if she tried it I would probably never let her see him. She spent 6 months not actually calling him anything but now (4 & a bit years later) does refer to him by his given name.

Does she undermine you in all aspects of your parenting?

Correct her every time!

How rude.

She says that's not a proper name, Lillian is better let's call her that. I say no she just ignores! Now Dmil is calling her Lillian gaaaaaah!

I would pull her up on it every single time. This would actually piss me right off.

Does she realise that Lillian is a derivative of Lily Anne , do still a flower name . Honestly it won't be that long before your Dd corrects her herself . Silly moo

Tell her if she doesn't start calling her Lily NOW, you are going to change her name by deed poll to that of your MIL's.....

Well obviously it will be a while if your dd is a newborn but eventually . I would just keep correcting her

Sit them both down, ask them to respect your decision, your choice of name and explain that she is your DD and her name is Lily. Nip this in the bud now. Congratulations on your baby. Lily is a lovely name, make sure they use it!

I suppose it depends on what your relationship is like with your DM. I no longer take any shit from mine only took nearly 40 years so I would say:

Look mum, if you can't use the correct name we're not going to be able to spend time together. I find it intensely irritating when you say "Lillian".

I had a bit of that with my DD1. One common shortening of her name was deemed irrevocably common so we had to use a twee shortened version for DM and DA instead. Pathetic.

I'd pick a name at random and start referring to your mother (and MIL) by that instead. Perhaps the German version of grandmother (which I've always disliked as a name, despite my German grandparents!!) - Grossmutter/Grossmutti. They'll probably hate it and might actually see that what they are doing is exactly the same - worse in fat, as Lily is your daughter's legal and given name!

*in fact

Start calling your mum Bob. Each and every time. If she looks at you, say it's a proper name compared to mum so surely it's better? Thank you Bob. Tea Bob? Ready to call my daughter by our chosen name yet Bob?

Every time, every single time - you say loudly "her name is Lilly, not Lillan". Every time. Regardless of where you are and who's round you, don't bother about embarrassing your mum, or making her look stupid, she's doing that to you.

To your MIL say "it's not Lillian, my mum just keeps saying that because she's trying to undermine me and [DH], she thinks the name Lilly is common. I feel so sorry for [DH], he's got a terrible mother-in-law who keeps insulting his name choice for his child. I always say how lucky I am with mine!"

What does she say when you explain that Lilian, is Latin for Lily, so she's calling your DD by a flower name, in another language?

She's overstepping the mark and if you can't get her to stop, then your DD will eventually correct her.

I would have a 'show down' about this, though, personally.

Just ignore her, other than saying Lily every time.
You get this nonsense with babies and as soon as they can talk and have a mind of their own it stops.

Grossmutter/Grossmutti. ""

Brilliant! Let's all research the worse translations of all annoying relatives names/titles and use them, loudly.

We call our DD2 a slightly unusual, diminutive version of her name. My MIL never really picked up on our version of her name and always calls her a similar, more conventional diminutive. For the first 10 years it was mildly annoying, but now it is quite endearing. I guess it depends on the thinking/feeling behind the different name. I have warmed to MIL over the years so I think that has softened my reaction.

You get both of the, together and say/shout firmly that they will not bully you into renaming your daughter.

You, and DH, tell them that they should be ashamed of themselves and that they need to start calling the child be her given name, that their opinion of said name is utterly immaterial and never ever needs to be voiced to anyone

Then you thank them kindly for their time and you all move on. Unless...

What's her name? Or her other children's names?