Dm calling dd another version of a name

[InspectorMontalbano]

I just had a dd, her name is Lily, like the flower.
Dm is calling her Lillian, I know she thinks flower names are 'common' and not a serious name but ffs .
I do like Lillian but her name is Lily

Grossmutter ha bloody brilliant. Doing it.

What's her name? Or her other children's names?

Traditional English/royal type names

It all depends on the intent.

In your case she's being a brat, and I vote for the Grossmutter/Grossmutti solution with the Gross being over pronounced.

In our family Ma misheard DN's name (they were living abroad) the first time she heard it and by the time they moved home had 'her' version firmly stuck in her head.

She went out of her way to correct herself, but would slip occasionally and it ended up being her special name for DN, and still is, but only Ma is allowed to use it and DN will ignore anyone else who uses it.

Dsis and BIL have always found it amusing/endearing but they know that there is no ill intent there. In your case it seems to be a case of I know better.

Wouldn't put up With that crap op. It's so rude.

I would correct her every time and probably threaten to cut short visits every time thru did it after that.

No respect for you as parents here.

Intensely irritating. Our DS3 is Edward but we announced him as Ned to the family. The day after I got back from the hospital my DM asked me how Ted was doing. It wasn't a mistake, she prefers the name Ted. I told her I had no idea who or how Ted was and would sadly never be able to answer any questions about him but she was welcome to know how Ned was doing. She hasn't done it again.

That would drive me mad. Correct her every time. And point out she already had the chance to name her own children and wouldn't have liked it if someone did the same to her.

Granny 'where's Lilian?'
You 'OMG has someone lost a child? What was she wearing? This is terrible. What does she look like? We should call the police...'

Every time...

Just ignore them when they do it and then refer to them both as Mrs whatever. If they get annoyed tell them that's how you feel.

I can see where it would be annoying but it's really not worth getting worked up about. Let it be their "thing." Don't take it personally; they are nuts but is it really worth your life energy to fight about it?

I have a formal first name and it seems like everyone in the family had a different name for me when i was growing up - think Susanne (not my real name) becomes Susie, Sissy, Miss S, Susie-Ann, Sassy, Susanna, etc. it was never confusing or annoying and I think back fondly of now-departed relatives and their nicknames. Wish my uncle were still around to call me "Miss S" or Gram to call me Sassy.

Although I do like the solution of calling your mother "Bob." At least you'd get some laughs out of it.

Now that some of my DC are grown up, its handy to take notes on MN about being a good GM or MIL, particularly the what not to do!

Your DM is being twattish. Pull her up on it every single time until she caves... as well as calling her Grossmutter to Lily (lovely name)!

You sit them both down, look them in the eye and tell them that her name is Lily, and not to change it. Warn them they have one choice here, and that's yours.

Agree, I would give them a cold "her name is not Lilian it's Lily" each time they do it, refuse to discuss your daughter until they call her by her proper name and have very little to do with them until they stop playing power games.
I would also tell them that they are playing power games and that they've had their turn to name children now it's you and your husband's and they'll just have to accept your decision and stop playing stupid buggers wuth her name.

Please make sure you put your foot down, my DM decided that one abbreviation over the one I chose, and as I was very I'll it stuck, she continues to go by it today.
I have never really gotten over it to be honest, now I am expecting again I have chosen names that either cannot be abbreviated ornonky have one derivation.

If your relationship is good otherwise, I'd let it go and let it be their little thing. My name is Stephanie, and my grandfather always called me Susie. I to this day have no idea why, but I LOVED it. It was his special name for me, it was sweet and I cherish the memories of him calling me Susie.

a cooing conversation with DD when GM calls her Lillian along the lines...'oh dear DGM is going dotty...her memory is slipping..isn't it Lily..poor nanna'

I disagree that it's not worth getting worked up about. This is the start of them both thinking their opinions about your child are more important than yours.
They have to both accept they are granny not mummy and don't get to make the mummy decisions this time round.
I wouldn't call them stupid names in retaliation I would just tell them it's rude and insulting to your name choice and leave their company each time they do it.
They want to see you and their grand daughter? They play nicely then.

I'd be furious. I don't get along with pil, but they called DS the shortened version of his name once, were told we preferred the full version, and have used it ever since.
That is polite, what your mil is doing is very rude.

I'd go with the 'Lillian? Who is Lillian?' willfully obtuse response until she stops being so rude to you, dh and DD.

And a beautiful name like Lily? I love that name so much that when dh wouldn't let me use it for DD, I insisted on using it for our new puppy as I loved it so much I just wanted the chance to use it

Just add the syllable 'an' onto the end of her name every time you speak to her until she realises how ludicrous it sounds. But I agree with Lea. Not worth getting upset over. She'll get used to it. Two members of DH's family were appalled at one of our name choices and now they are fine with them.

I'm with rebecca - you respect me and respect our name for our child if you want to be involved. I'm not asking - I'm telling - and I couldn't give two figs what you think of the name we have chosen. Grossmutter is a classic though!.

I would be wary that if I accepted this behaviour, what about the next decision they disagree with.

Plus I am ice-cold when it comes to disrespect - and tolerate it with a gentle shock and awe style response

Just add the syllable 'an' onto the end of her name every time you speak to her until she realises how ludicrous it sounds.

Ooh, I like that.

Also if she asks to babysit you could say regretfully "Gee, mother, we appreciate the offer but given your developing cognitive issues we can't take the chance with baby's safety." When she says "what cognitive issues!?" reply sweetly "Well, I hate to mention it but you can't seem to remember baby's name despite repeated reminders. So how could we expect you to remember her dietary needs, sleep routine, emergency instructions and the like?"

Lillian! As in Fraser's Ex-wife!?
No way - although she turns out OK in the end I just link that name to that person.

Lillith was Frasier's ex wife.

Frasier's ex-wife was Lilith.

Stand your ground, OP. She's your DD and you've named her Lily, which is a beautiful name. My nan was Rose Lily, and my exMIL was Lily Rose... :)