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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be passed of at my partner?

61 replies

HodgePodge23 · 01/01/2016 13:25

I was knackered yesterday so my partner said I could have a nap and he'd look after our 13 month old. It turns out he spent 2 hours playing on his computer with our son playing by himself. Whenever our son got fed up he tended to him for a short while but otherwise he was playing on the computer.

My partner thinks it's OK because he stopped playing when our son needed him. Aibu to expect a little more effort when it comes to looking after our son? I feel like I can't leave them alone now as it seems he was a bit neglected...

OP posts:
Original poster
HodgePodge23 · 01/01/2016 13:26

Right so that obviously should say pissed off. Bit of proof reading wouldn't go amiss.

OP posts:
littleleftie · 01/01/2016 13:27

How do you know this is what happened if you were asleep?

Original poster
HodgePodge23 · 01/01/2016 13:28

He told me...

OP posts:
Original poster
HodgePodge23 · 01/01/2016 13:29

I walked in and he was playing so I asked what had happened over the past 2 hours.

OP posts:
mrsfuzzy · 01/01/2016 13:29

ds told op of course!

GreatFuckability · 01/01/2016 13:30

I don't see the harm if I'm honest. My babies all spent time playing alone whilst I mumsnetted cleaned and things. They're perfectly functional children now.

Grilledaubergines · 01/01/2016 13:30

If you focussed solely on your child, you'd never get anything done. I can't see he did anything wrong, unless he was in a different room from your child and your child was in danger. Being in the same room is still company for your child and your DH was still there.

Sorry, I think you are being unreasonable. Children don't need to be occupied by someone all the time and sounds as if yours was happy enough playing.

Whataboutreindeer · 01/01/2016 13:31

Sounds like you are being a bit u. I wouldn't have said he did anything wrong, independent play is to be encouraged and if he stopped when requires I can't see the issue.

Concerned97 · 01/01/2016 13:32

Sorry I think you ABU, 13 month olds will protest loudly if not happy! So clearly he was happy?

SaucyJack · 01/01/2016 13:32

On the face of it.... YABU.

What's wrong with pottering about at home for one afternoon?

MammaTJ · 01/01/2016 13:32

I really don't see anything wrong in this. A 13 month old should not need entertaining all the time. This is why people moan at about 4 years of age that their DC cannot play alone. If the baby had been upset, you would have heard and been unable to sleep.

TheFear · 01/01/2016 13:32

Children don't need constant entertainment from adults. It's good for them to play on their own.

Original poster
HodgePodge23 · 01/01/2016 13:32

I think it's the fact he was playing computer games that bothered me. If he was working, fine but of all times to play it had to be then?

OP posts:
mrsfuzzy · 01/01/2016 13:32

provided they were in the same room and dp is aware of what ds is doing and that he is safe, i don't get the 'neglect' bit , perhaps you need to tell dp your views on caring for ds without having a pop at him.

TheWitTank · 01/01/2016 13:32

I don't know -was your son happy and content playing? I presume he was in the same room? I used to sit and enjoy a book when my children were that little if they were playing contentedly. I was in the same room so could attend to any needs. Is it that you would have preferred him to be playing with your son or that you think he wasn't supervising?

TheFear · 01/01/2016 13:33

Forgot to say YABU!

Original poster
HodgePodge23 · 01/01/2016 13:34

Thank you all for a different perspective. Perhaps I was a little harsh in my reaction.

OP posts:
LordBrightside · 01/01/2016 13:35

Why are you so judgemental over your lartner's parenting? Would you like it if he was watching YOU and criticising how YOU spend your time with the children? Sounds to me like they had a chilled out couple of hours so what exactly is your problem?

They don't need to be entertained and stimulated constantly and parents need to take any downtime they can get, when they can get it.

inlovewithhubby · 01/01/2016 13:35

I get your issue with the computer games in family room but only because I'm a Luddite screen fascist so I think I'm probably being unreasonable there. But I do think children need to learn to play on their own or they end up unable to entertain themselves and being hideously high maintenance in company. If all your other half did was play games 24/7 then I'd agree he was by but in principle leaving a content child to amuse themselves is a positive thing, rather than negative. You'll be grateful in a few years.

Sallyingforth · 01/01/2016 13:35

I hope you enjoyed your nap, OP.

YABU

Grilledaubergines · 01/01/2016 13:35

But OP It's not for you to decide what your DH would do. You say you would have preferred he work during that time. Why? He's an adult and is also your child's parent and I'm sure is capable of filling his time as he wants.

inlovewithhubby · 01/01/2016 13:35

BU not by, goddamn autocorrect

peggyundercrackers · 01/01/2016 13:35

Yabu - if your child was happy and doing whatever I don't see an issue. Sounds like he stopped doing what he was doing to tend to him if needed. It's good for kids to spend a bit of time on their own doing whatever.

Original poster
HodgePodge23 · 01/01/2016 13:36

My partner often ignores our sons cries for attention while he finishes his "mission"

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/01/2016 13:36

YABU - chill out.

Kids do not have to be played with and fussed over 24/7.

There's nothing wrong with what he did.

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