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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be passed of at my partner?

61 replies

HodgePodge23 · 01/01/2016 13:25

I was knackered yesterday so my partner said I could have a nap and he'd look after our 13 month old. It turns out he spent 2 hours playing on his computer with our son playing by himself. Whenever our son got fed up he tended to him for a short while but otherwise he was playing on the computer.

My partner thinks it's OK because he stopped playing when our son needed him. Aibu to expect a little more effort when it comes to looking after our son? I feel like I can't leave them alone now as it seems he was a bit neglected...

OP posts:
mrsfuzzy · 01/01/2016 13:36

hodge, do you often feel this way ?

NoPlanYet · 01/01/2016 13:36

I'd be a bit annoyed with him - I don't think YABU.
Completely ignoring for 2 hours except to answer immediate needs when asked is different from encouraging solo play. And DC is only 13 months.
He should want to play with his son rather than view him as an inconvenience to his computer play. Leaving for the odd 10 mins is fine, but not instigating any play together I'd be annoyed at.

Krampus · 01/01/2016 13:37

Sometimes I used to play a computer game when mine were little, someone needed to look after the Roman Empire that I was building. He tended to the baby when needed, they don't need to be entertained all the time.

If you decide that he cant be left alone with the baby from that incident you are making a massive rod for your own back. You could well end up enjoying the next 16 years being the default parent and reponsible for all the mundane parenting crap.

AnnaMarlowe · 01/01/2016 13:38

I do see your point, however, if he'd been washing up or preparing a meal while your DS played happily beside him I doubt you'd have been bothered.

It would be different if he never gave your DS undivided attention/neglected household stuff because of gaming of course.

LordBrightside · 01/01/2016 13:39

"I think it's the fact he was playing computer games that bothered me. If he was working, fine but of all times to play it had to be then?"

Ah, so it's a control issue. You think you own your partner and that he should be doing things your way even when you aren't there. You would rather he was working or doing something which YOU perceive to have value than relaxing in his own way. Sorry, but YABU and a male who had such views towards their female partner would be viewed pretty dimly.

Original poster
HodgePodge23 · 01/01/2016 13:40

We both play games, the difference is I stop immediately when our son needs me. Where as my partner waits until it's convenient for him. I just don't really agree with it. He gets far to immersed that I can't picture him being particularly vigilant.

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 01/01/2016 13:40

Have you never sat and read mumsnet whilst your child was playing in the same room, OP?

AnnaMarlowe · 01/01/2016 13:40

My other caveat is to assume that he was playing an age appropriate game - something violent would not be on at all.

WorraLiberty · 01/01/2016 13:41

Spot on, LordBrightside

Alicewasinwonderland · 01/01/2016 13:42

I can't see what the problem is? As above, as long as kids are happy, I prefer them to play alone.

We rarely play with them at all indoors, so things get done, and we can have more time outside. I would be annoyed with their dad only if they were stuck indoors for 2 hours at a time they should have been outside, but I am in the UK, so we don't have that much sun (or even daylight) at the moment.

Original poster
HodgePodge23 · 01/01/2016 13:42

There's a difference between quickly checking your phone, mumsnet or whatever and doing so for 2 hours.

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 01/01/2016 13:43

So you both play games while with your son? YABU and hypocritical. This isn't about the game, it's that you think his parenting isn't up to scratch.

LordBrightside · 01/01/2016 13:43

What's the difference?

Original poster
HodgePodge23 · 01/01/2016 13:44

My partner very rarely spends one on one time with our son.. I just expected a little more. But I get it! I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:
inlovewithhubby · 01/01/2016 13:44

He should want to play with DC - really? There are always myriad more interesting things to do than play with children. Why does having children mean you suddenly have to revolve your entire world round them? You don't. Responding to needs is fine. A delay is fine. OP's DC will be a lot lower maintenance as a result. We are breeding a generation that cannot self-entertain.

LordBrightside · 01/01/2016 13:45

So, how would you react if he was judgemental or critical of your parenting? Let me guess, you'd be angry and upset.

Original poster
HodgePodge23 · 01/01/2016 13:45

I only game when we're all together as a family and yet I'm still the one who has to stop to deal with our son.

OP posts:
Ridingthegravytrain · 01/01/2016 13:45

If that's all he ever does when he looks after the kids without you then yanbu it is annoying when you are the one who has to do all the boring playing with the kids

If he usually engages well and it happens here and there then yabu

I suspect a bit of a backstory though

WorraLiberty · 01/01/2016 13:46

Unreasonable and slowly drip feeding...

But still, nothing you've said so far has pointed towards a particular problem, other than perhaps you should try to be a little less controlling.

You're both parents of the same baby, but that doesn't make you both the same person.

EponasWildDaughter · 01/01/2016 13:46

Right, i just wrote a post saying chill out, he's just occupying himself while caring for his DS. But then you wrote

My partner often ignores our sons cries for attention while he finishes his "mission"

See, that would piss me off. DH and i are both gamers and both of us would go to our DC as soon as they cried at that age. I get what you mean OP. There is a difference between quickly looking at a phone and being unable to tear yourself away from a game for as long as that takes.

What games is he playing while his son is in the room, btw?

ilovesooty · 01/01/2016 13:47

I suspect that many of the posters on here who get irate about men and gaming think nothing of Mumsnet ting for extended periods while their children play.

Original poster
HodgePodge23 · 01/01/2016 13:48

He was playing WOW. Which is a game that's very easy to take a pause from.

OP posts:
Original poster
HodgePodge23 · 01/01/2016 13:49

I don't really go on mumsnet unless my son is napping. I lack the control to tear myself away when necessary.

OP posts:
LordBrightside · 01/01/2016 13:49

Different people interact with their children differently. In the house we both do a lot of physical play with our son, play hide and seek, things like that. I take him to soft play and go in through all of the bits with him. My wife bakes with him and does craft type stuff with scissors and glitter etc and I am just no good at that kind of stuff.

Play to your strengths, enjoy any peace and downtime.

mrsfuzzy · 01/01/2016 13:49

you say he often ignores ds for gaming ? i for one would not put up with that, but the thing is you never mentioned that in first post, so mners can't get the full picture before they respond. why do you put up with his behaviour re; this ?

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