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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoying DH

55 replies

Mummylife14 · 01/01/2016 11:24

DH always plays the 'I do nothing wrong' card when it comes to Ds. Every weekend without fail when he is off he complains that we don't get out of the house until lunchtime. Today he got up and said he wanted to go buy a book...so DS pottered about for a couple of hours and I sat read had a cuppa etc just chilled DH did the same. I fixed DS his breakfast, fed him then got up to tidy up. DH went upstairs came back down dressed and said I'm away to town to get this book. I asked him why he wasn't waiting on me and he said 'you've sat about all morning doing nothing'. This has really oissd me off he sat doing nothing yet in expected to get house tided DS ready and myself while he sits and does nothing. Apparently I'm over reacting but I am so fed up

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 01/01/2016 11:27

You sat around all morning while he did what, exactly?

ilovesooty · 01/01/2016 11:28

How well do you communicate generally?

Original poster
Mummylife14 · 01/01/2016 11:28

He sat playing a game on his phone, fixed himself some breakfast then got up and went out

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummylife14 · 01/01/2016 11:31

I'm annoyed that he complained I'd done nothing so we could go out but he can't see that he didn't do anything to help me get out on time like get DS ready or do a quick tidy everything is left to me then when I'm not ready on time I'm lazy.

OP posts:
PenelopePitstops · 01/01/2016 11:31

Complete lack of communication all round.

Goingtobeawesome · 01/01/2016 11:32

You could have said you would all go out and then do the jobs together when you get back..

Gliblet · 01/01/2016 11:35

Did he actually tell you what time he planned to leave? Did you ask?

DH and I have completely opposite approaches to this kind of thing and we've both had to learn to compromise. I would prefer to be up, have tidying etc done and come home to a clean house but DH is quite happy to get ready and go, leaving tidying etc til we get back.

ilovesooty · 01/01/2016 11:35

Absolutely Penelope

witsender · 01/01/2016 11:37

Does he normally behave like a separate entity or is he part of the family?

topcat2014 · 01/01/2016 11:38

You should never let tidying a house get in the way of something more interesting - in my view.

SaucyJack · 01/01/2016 11:39

Is it yours or your DH's "rule" that the house must be tidy before you go out?

Jibberjabberjooo · 01/01/2016 11:41

So you sorted DS and tidied up whilst he only got himself ready and is now moaning that you're not ready?

Fuck that, did you tell him that if he'd helped you might have been ready more quickly? You need to talk!

NameAgeLocation · 01/01/2016 11:43

How old is your DS, not that it changed anything PPs have said!

NameAgeLocation · 01/01/2016 11:43

*changes

Original poster
Mummylife14 · 01/01/2016 11:47

It's not about the tidying it's that he didn't even get DS ready or fed him he just expected me to do it. We have completely different views on tiding up. He would live in a pig sty if he had his way and I have learned to live with doing all the washing and tidying. I'm pissed off because he didn't do anything to help me and DS be ready to go out and no he didn't tell me a time he was wanting to go at. The 'you've done nothing' angered me as he actually did nothing I was looking after DS. DH would never think of giving DS his breakfast lunch or dinner always 'my job' when he has picked him up before lunchtime from CM he gave him a packet of crisps for his lunch even though I'd his sandwich and fruit all prepared in hi Lunch bag.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummylife14 · 01/01/2016 11:47

DS is 18 mo

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 01/01/2016 11:47

Why is it your job to get DS ready?

Did he expect you to come to town with him?

jelliebelly · 01/01/2016 11:47

Maybe a simple conversation clarifying what time you were all going to be ready for would have helped.

junebirthdaygirl · 01/01/2016 11:48

Well he had mentioned he wanted to go out so you could have gone and got ready calling out to him could he get ds sorted and kitchen tidy while you got sorted. If he hadn't mentioned it that would be annoying.

Scarydinosaurs · 01/01/2016 11:48

So what did he say when you said "I got DS fed and ready, you did nothing, how can you say I did nothing?"

BedTimeNow · 01/01/2016 11:52

I think he acts like he would live in a pig sty because he knows you will just do it.

same with your DS, he doesn't need to feed him because he knows you won't let him go hungry.

You need to have serious words with him.

redskybynight · 01/01/2016 12:00

It sounds like neither of you are talking to each other. Did you say that you and DS were planning to come with him (buying a book not sounding like something that needs you both to tag along) or did he assume he was going alone?

Was a leaving time mentioned? Was there any discussion of "we need to do these things before we go out, who is doing what?" It sounds to me that DH assumed he was going out alone so was annoyed that you suddenly announced that you wanted to come to but had to do a load of other stuff first (that in his eyes you could have done earlier).

Whether it's fair that you were the one getting DS ready depends rather on the general division of labour in your household. Feeding and dressing a toddler is not a 2 person job, so it was always going to be one of you doing it!

Goingtobeawesome · 01/01/2016 12:14

You are with a chauvinistic pig.

Fairenuff · 01/01/2016 12:15

I have learned to live with doing all the washing and tidying

DH would never think of giving DS his breakfast lunch or dinner always 'my job'

OP this is what you have allowed to happen. You have accepted this in your relationship, you say it yourself.

So why are you surprised at your dh behaving the way he always has this morning?

I wouldn't choose this for myself but you have so this is the life you will live. Do you want to change that or just complain about it?

Jibberjabberjooo · 01/01/2016 12:19

You need to talk to him, you're both DS's parents so there's no excuse for only one of you doing the actual parenting such as getting him dressed and fed. It's not an optional thing.