Annoying DH

[Mummylife14]

DH always plays the 'I do nothing wrong' card when it comes to Ds. Every weekend without fail when he is off he complains that we don't get out of the house until lunchtime. Today he got up and said he wanted to go buy a book...so DS pottered about for a couple of hours and I sat read had a cuppa etc just chilled DH did the same. I fixed DS his breakfast, fed him then got up to tidy up. DH went upstairs came back down dressed and said I'm away to town to get this book. I asked him why he wasn't waiting on me and he said 'you've sat about all morning doing nothing'. This has really oissd me off he sat doing nothing yet in expected to get house tided DS ready and myself while he sits and does nothing. Apparently I'm over reacting but I am so fed up

Perhaps you're all younger and its a generational thing with men more hands on nowadays. My friends and I all married 20+ years ago and have husbands who will happily play with the children or do what they're directed to do, but seem completely incapable of independently organising or thinking about DC related things.

Over the years we've all just got on with sorting DCs and being the default. Our DHs have very good, demanding jobs, we're SAHMs so perhaps the overall contribution is more equal. But this was specifically about OPs DH ignoring the fact Dc also needed to be ready, and thats something I can relate to.

If you have the attitude of thinking men aren't a fully paid up member of the family then when they fail to do anything with their own children you just put it down to 'oh well what did I expect they're a man after all'. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. Where as actually it's just means that they either can't be arsed with their own children and see raising them as women's work or they just need a push in the right direction. How many times do you hear 'I just don't know what to do with them', well neither does anyone! Just because I gave birth to them doesn't mean I knew what to do with my children any more than my dh, we just muddled through until we got it right, together. You should be a team.

Jibberjabber - yes you're right and if I was in year 1 of this relationship I would do things differently. But 20 years on, the roles of the team members have been defined for some time and we've got incredibly busy lives so renegotating or transferring roles isnt really possible.

I gladly gave up my stressful job to be a SAHM but 14 years later its hard to say Im f'ing bored out of my skull with the tedium, please organise Dcs bag for a sleepover, or whatever.

Anyway for OP Communication is the key and for my disatisfaction probably realising the grass isnt greener elsewhere would help (but time mum can still be mind numbingly dull at times)

You should be a team - exactly. That does not meant that each person does exactly the same. Each partner might play a different role at a different time in the child's life. The woman might more hands on if she has maternity leave when the child is young. The man when the boy is a budding footballer - or vice versa, (as it was in my family).

OP 's DP just wanted to buy a book. They didn't communicate. If he'd said "I'm leaving at 12 - do you want to come?" and she'd said "yes - can you give me a hand with DS?? can you take DS while I get ready?/ If we are leaving at 12 we need to do ABC first" that would have been fine. She didn't

The discussion expanded from the incident per se to OP's DP's lack of consideration, lack of family spirit/ laziness/ tidiness and too a general view that "men" are the problem. Pity

Sunny, I'm 57 and married nearly 20 years ago. Yes, I expected my dh to be a fully paid up member of the family; all my friends were too. Before I married, almost all my friends were men with jobs as demanding as mine (I was a 'career girl') and they did as much child-related stuff as anyone could desire. I thought all men were like that unless they were lazy selfish bastards.

Generational thing, yes, my dad's generation. He was born in 1917. And even his generation were changing, beginning to actually participate in child-rearing.