To be annoyed that my DSister's visit revolves around her DS and her dog

[liinyo]

Actually I know IABU but I need to rant. I only see my DSister once a year as we have a volatille relationship. For the last couple of years she has visited between Christmas and New year from her home about 80 miles away. She brings her ASD son, her husband and her large, noisy laradoodle. We have two elderly and incontinent cats
I make a lovely dinner (including safe, familiar choices for my DNephew who is very loud and intense but super cute). I put both cats in an upstairs room with food, water and cat litter, I ply her with champagne and all that is fine. What does totally piss me off is that today when her dog pulled away from the lead and went running upstairs and terrified the cats, DS thought it was funny and didn't apologise. It happened three times and I ended up sitting at the top of the stairs shooing the dog away until her DBIL put dog on a lead.

So annoyed at her. We bend over backwards to make her visit cnfartabke for her and she treats our poor old cats like a sideshow.

E

Why don't you visit her instead?

There is NO WAY anyone's dog would be allowed in my house as I have a cat. If, if hell were to freeze over and I allowed a dog in, the very second it frightened my cat it would be out of the house before it could say woof.

Why did you let it happen 3 times? All this sitting on the stairs bollocks? Why didn't you just insist on a lead straight away?

Tell her not to bring her dog. Why is it an issue? I have 2 family members who both have dogs but still aren't fond of mine so I don't take him.

She brings her ASD son I don't know why but this put my teeth on edge. Maybe it's the distancing language or the use of the disorder before the child.

I think that with a child with autism, her life revolves around him all the time.

The dog being allowed to harass the cats is wrong but what has that got to do with the kid?

Totally agree with Pratchett.

The wording of your DN was very inappropriate and dehumanising.

I would imagine it was a quick way of explaining the situation and not intended to insult anyone.

Did her DS deliberately let them off the lead or something? Why would he need to apologise? For laughing?

I do think you're being harsh on the lad... that said I don't think "ASD son" was intentionally dehumanising, just a quick description.

All great questions. We don't visit her because I CBA. I know this is very unsisterly so I try to make her welcome when she visits here. The dog comes because she says it cannot be left at home for the 7/8 hours a visit entails. And I sit on the stairs because she thinks it it funny when the dog runs upstairs and scares our cats. I do object and point out that the cats are terrified but she blanks it and I do not want to sabotage our fragile relationship.

Like I said I know IABU (and two-faced and sappy) but I just needed to rant and get a friendly response and for that I thank the supportive Mumsnetters out there.

All sounds far too much like hard work.

Just tell her to control the dog - I don't understand how sitting on the stairs is doing anything to maintain your fragile relationship.

I really don't like your description of her "ASD son" and I don't understand why he should apologise.

My dear nephew is the least of the problem here. HE isis (as I said) loud and intense, but he cannot help that and his honesty is appealing. My sister just doesn't seem to get that caring for our pets is as important to us as caring for her dog is important to her. It was her husband that eventually heard our distress and put the dog on a lead.

Yabu for having elderly incontinant cats. That's beyond gross.

Incontinent....

I would put a stair gate on the stairs and also a lock of some sort on the outside of the room the cats are in so that if the dog does get upstairs he cant then push the door to the cat room open.

Why are people going on about OP saying ASD son instead of son with ASD. Same thing but worded other way round. I dont think OP meant anything by it. We dont all explain things the same way. Lets all get back to the issue in question here. As in OP asking is she BU.

It is impossible to be super welcoming whilst not being arsed to ever visit your sister at her home. You are fucked off you are serving the champers and she is probably fucked off she has to come to see you. Yup sounds fragile, unfun and a bit sad.

Maybe your sister's resentful of the fact that you can't be bothered to visit her? She goes out of her way to visit you with her DS who presumably struggles in a different environment and she has to deal with him, a boisterous dog and a sister who clearly doesn't like her very much. I feel a bit sorry for her TBH.

I think 'DS didn't apologise' in the OP refers to DSis, not DNephew.

It doesn't sound like she's really that welcome at yours, if you're being honest to yourself. The dog thing isn't really acceptable but it can't be that hard to alternative the two species being shut away in a secure room, can it?

Maybe next year go away together or something so the imposition isn't purely yours.