To be annoyed that my DSister's visit revolves around her DS and her dog

[liinyo]

Actually I know IABU but I need to rant. I only see my DSister once a year as we have a volatille relationship. For the last couple of years she has visited between Christmas and New year from her home about 80 miles away. She brings her ASD son, her husband and her large, noisy laradoodle. We have two elderly and incontinent cats
I make a lovely dinner (including safe, familiar choices for my DNephew who is very loud and intense but super cute). I put both cats in an upstairs room with food, water and cat litter, I ply her with champagne and all that is fine. What does totally piss me off is that today when her dog pulled away from the lead and went running upstairs and terrified the cats, DS thought it was funny and didn't apologise. It happened three times and I ended up sitting at the top of the stairs shooing the dog away until her DBIL put dog on a lead.

So annoyed at her. We bend over backwards to make her visit cnfartabke for her and she treats our poor old cats like a sideshow.

E

I just got cross at the fact the OP CBA to visit her sister. Whenever we see SIL it is because we have made the effort. She never comes to visit us. I am lucky that I get on well with my inlaws but they seem to have this mental block about visiting us. They live about 150 miles away BTW and OH resents that they don't bother, especially since he had a major operation this summer and is still recovering.

I think what's missing in replies is that ASD has a strong inherited link.

Reading the op I suspect that the female line would be where I would start looking, both of them...

I don't think it's helpful to start blame - culture over who inherited what from whom. That is as bad as labelling someone and defining them by a condition isn't it?

No you're not being unreasonable to be pissed off because DSis can't control her dog. However, you were unreasonable to let it happen 3 times. It's your house - insist dog is either kept on a lead, or kept in a room where it cannot access the upstairs.

Equally DSis is not unreasonable to not want to leave dog at home for up to 8 hours - possibly a lot longer if they were delayed on the drive home. Dog sitters aren't always that easy to come by, and maybe the dog becomes stressed if left at home for long stretches on its own - howls/barks etc and upsets neighbours?

Just as your elderly frail cats are, rightly, very important to you the dog is presumably very important to your sister.

A little common sense goes a long way in these circumstances, and just put your foot down and TELL DSis to keep dog under control or it must stay in the car.