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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really pissed off at H

65 replies

BoringlyRestrictive · 27/12/2015 05:27

DS doesn't sleep well. He woke up at 4am. He came into our bed and sometimes he settles but not tonight. He wriggled around, crying pulling my hair, kicking etc.

H has the day off today. I have a family birthday to go to. This means no chance of a nap.
I ALWAYS get up with DS at night. H hasn't done its once DS was about 3 weeks. He's 16 months almost.
H said at 4.30 'ill take him to the living room' but didn't. Stayed in bed with DS fussing and protesting until I got up at 5.10 THEN h got up immediately defending himself (before I had said anything) and took DS.
2 mins later he returned, turned the light on full to find a jumper for DS. We have iPhones with torches and a dimmer switch.

AIBU to think he is just a selfish lazy inconsiderate fucker. And I have every right to be pissed off with him that I am now wide awake and will have a long tiring day looking after 2 children, on my own, at a family gathering that h opted out off so he could rest (it's his only day off).

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 27/12/2015 05:31

Just go back to sleep. I know it's hard and I had a non-sleeping child as well... But just doze and think about George Clooney or go to your hapy place and drift.

Feeling angry and getting up will only feed this. Or leave the kids at home with him.

Flowers
Chottie · 27/12/2015 05:58

Switch off and relax.

Have a bath and chill if you feel you can't sleep at the moment.

MumofAAndE · 27/12/2015 06:49

YNBU. It's shit, selfish and inconsiderate. So hard to get back to sleep when you're always the one on red alert at night. Hopefully you managed.

Original poster
BoringlyRestrictive · 27/12/2015 08:31

I managed to drift off again after 6. Just as I was starting to he brought DS back in and tried to cuddle him to sleep.

Cue DS crying and wriggling and h refused to let me take him. He settles much much quicker and quieter for me.

I'm pissed off cos he has all day to do nothing but sleep. I can't leave the kids as DS wouldn't be without me and dd would be devastated to miss the party.
But I have to drive there and back again on 5 hours broken sleep. Which was avoidable of he just got the fuck up instead of waiting until I get up and then rushing to get there before I do.
He does this sort of shit all the time.

'I'll cut and cook the chips'
'Ok, the rest of dinner will be ready in 45 mins so the chips need to go on in 15 mins'
20 mins later I go and do the chips. As I am putting them to cook he will arrive in th kitchen and be all annoyed at me for 'taking over'

OP posts:
SaltaKatten · 27/12/2015 08:46

Perhaps a good day for ds to have a go at being with his dad for the day. Once you're gone and he's been miserable for a while he'll likely settle. I know that dd2 was an utter mummy's girl if I was in the house however if she knew I wasn't around, daddy would do.

Duckdeamon · 27/12/2015 08:49

I would leave Ds with him today.

Duckdeamon · 27/12/2015 08:51

Why hasn't he got up in the night for DS? Change that!

agree which (3?) nights he'll do each week and the "rules" re the circumstances under which the other partner should be woken!

Since you've done 16 months perhaps he should do a solid week or six so that you can recover a bit.

It's a problem that needs to be worked on asap if DS is unhappy to be left with his father.

mummypig14 · 27/12/2015 08:54

YABU.

I sleep through DS fussing longer than DH does. If it's 'my turn' to get up, I often don't until I know DH is awake and its bothering him.

You also said that you wouldn't have time for a nap. I assume this means you don't work or work part-time so can often have one if it's been a bad night. If it's your DPs only day off, then he clearly doesn't have the luxury of naps!!

PennyHasNoSurname · 27/12/2015 08:55

Leave DS with him all day. Stop being a martyr.

And set up some sort of "on duty" agreement for nights and early wakings. Take turns.

petalsandstars · 27/12/2015 08:55

He needs to come to the family thing. He's chosen to make it unsafe for you to drive - he shares the driving.

Duckdeamon · 27/12/2015 08:56

Hmm How can OP nap if she's in sole charge of two young DC, including one of 16 months?

Griphook · 27/12/2015 09:01

Yanbu, he's a selfish arse, he had all day to sleep and couldn't be bothered to get up with ds giving you a few hours extra sleep.
It's just selfish and in caring. But it's this sort of thing that chips away at a Relationship

Tulip1011 · 27/12/2015 09:06

I don't have kids so can't relate. But it sounds pretty horrific. More like its the situation making him shit and you angry. I would love to have a live in partner and family. They could both be killed tomorrow. Try to be grateful and find time to love each other. Do the little things really matter very much when you think about the big picture? You have a partner who loves and supports you. Don't damage what you have by constant bickering. Sleep deprivation is horrible. Just take a breath and be positive and nice (try!!! Just pretend if you have to) and he'll feel more like being nice to you.

Duckdeamon · 27/12/2015 09:09

Eh tulip, OP should just be grateful and nice to him? What should HE do - carry on snoozing?

It's not exactly loving or supportive of her DP not to do his fair share of nights (for 16 months +) or domestic work, or attend family events.

mummypig14 · 27/12/2015 09:11

You say the tired drive would be avoided if he got up... Actually the tired drive would be avoided if you didn't go to the event that your DH isn't even going too!

GingerIvy · 27/12/2015 09:15

"Little things" like sleep actually do matter, especially if the OP is driving when she is exhausted. He is not being loving and supportiveand needs a serious discussion about it.

Tulip1011 · 27/12/2015 09:15

I just think you are in a better position to negotiate for more support if you come at it from a charming angle (darling it would be wonderful if...) than an attacking angle (you don't ever help and you should be). If I had a child waking me up at 4am and a partner yelling at me all day I might feel like me a selfish fucker if I could get away with it (and obviously men can easier than women)

Tulip1011 · 27/12/2015 09:15

*being a selfish fucker

VegetablEsoup · 27/12/2015 09:16

I also think you should leave him with h today.
enjoy the party!

Walkinglikeazombie · 27/12/2015 09:19

Tulip, how exactly is he supporting her if he couldn't even take over from her for one morning to tend to their ds?
Glad you managed to have a little snooze op, some men can be so selfish sometimes. Try and enjoy the party, get your h to drop you off and pick you up from the party if you are feeling to tired to drive. That way his plan to have a nice lazy day all to himself will be interrupted.

Duckdeamon · 27/12/2015 09:20

Perhaps the OP has already tried the 1950s approach of being "charming" to "negotiate" with her man to do his fair share, but now her patience is wearing thin!

GingerIvy · 27/12/2015 09:21

Ideally the OP shouldn't have to be charming and say darling it would be wonderful... Ideally she could just be honest and tell him calmly that he needs to be more supportive and then tell him what needs to be done.

Tulip1011 · 27/12/2015 09:21

That sounds like a great idea, really fuck his day off up, he'll then be in a brilliant mood and really up for helping you out when you next need him.

Duckdeamon · 27/12/2015 09:23

Grin yes, how awful for him to have to spend time with his son! And for OP to have time with her family with just one DC to supervise!

Tulip1011 · 27/12/2015 09:23

Gingerivy that was basically what I was trying to say. The discussion should be more positive than negative to have impact.

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