to be really pissed off at H

[BoringlyRestrictive]

DS doesn't sleep well. He woke up at 4am. He came into our bed and sometimes he settles but not tonight. He wriggled around, crying pulling my hair, kicking etc.

H has the day off today. I have a family birthday to go to. This means no chance of a nap.
I ALWAYS get up with DS at night. H hasn't done its once DS was about 3 weeks. He's 16 months almost.
H said at 4.30 'ill take him to the living room' but didn't. Stayed in bed with DS fussing and protesting until I got up at 5.10 THEN h got up immediately defending himself (before I had said anything) and took DS.
2 mins later he returned, turned the light on full to find a jumper for DS. We have iPhones with torches and a dimmer switch.

AIBU to think he is just a selfish lazy inconsiderate fucker. And I have every right to be pissed off with him that I am now wide awake and will have a long tiring day looking after 2 children, on my own, at a family gathering that h opted out off so he could rest (it's his only day off).

16 months - the DS should be sleeping through the night by now? That's I think what I would be focusing on.

ROFLMAO!

There is no 'should' about it! Children do not operate to arbitrary timetables.

One of my DC didn't sleep through till 2 1/2. Two of my DGC were nearly 2.

If you have a proven technique for this, my DiL would be most grateful as her 22 month-old hasn't found the way either.

And stop having a go at Tulip. What's wrong with "being nice to your partner"?

Nothing. Maybe the OP's husband should give that a try.

I don't think Tulip has a Scooby so would just ignore her tbh.

I just think you are in a better position to negotiate for more support if you come at it from a charming angle (darling it would be wonderful if...
Maybe the op can find time to squeeze a bj in, might just tip the balance in her favour

grip maybe she could do her hair and makeup first too. If she makes the effort to look nice for him he might be more inclined to true her the occasional bone.

Oh bless your dear DH OP. Fair enough he gets up early for work but this is his third day off!

Admittedly hosting at Christmas can be tiring etc but now he feels entitled to his real day off today.

When's your day off then???

Is your h waking your ds up on purpose when he gets up at 3.30am, so now your ds has a habit of waking up then.

I don't have a partner, or kids, so here is my advice on marriage, and kids. Yes.

Children do sometimes have a stronger bond with their mothers, for the simple fact that there mother is the one doing the heavy lifting.

My DD was a total Mummy's girl until last Christmas. Everyone got norovirus, we were staying at my not very supportive parents' house. It was a shit show. I was just recovering and DD went down with it. DH stayed up with her for two nights of vomiting, crying and misery while I slept. After that, she was a Daddy's girl. She knows he is reliable, caring, strong and there for her. He reaps all the love and cuddles and bond i was hogging.

When men step up, their lives are immeasurably improved. They have happier wives and better relationships with their children.

The 1950s resulted in a bunch of men whose children would hear, "I'll get your mother" on the phone when they rang in adulthood. I fully expect DD to want to actually talk to her father. You reap what you sow.

And I didn't need to be 'charming' to get DH to 'help'. He stepped in because we are a team.

*their. The shame

The man just isn't a family player, is he? It's a mutual agreement that you don't work, but he can't possibly do anything in the night because he's working. Every Sunday - his precious day off - however, he has the time and energy to play football for what is presumably a few hours. But again - can't possibly help with his children. And refuses to go to your family events because he doesn't like going, so he's leaving you to drive and attend alone, whilst knowing how tired you are, so he can have a nice relaxing day. #

You're being seriously taking advantage of here, and I think you know it OP. This is about more than one nights crap sleep.

Also - HAHAHAHAHA at the comment of a baby of that age 'should' be sleeping through. Some kids just don't. Mine didn't sleep through till nearly three. The child could be sleeping through, the OP's husband would still be a selfish prick.

My DH did similar. We both work and take it in turn to sleep in.

He would let DD in our bed when it was my turn so I didn't actually get to sleep. One morning he did it and I immediately got out of bed, he said 'i thought you were sleeping in' I said no, I never do, do I 'coz whenever it's my turn you don't actually get up. He has never done it again. He can be a selfish fucker but usually accept s it when told.

So tell him and don't back down when he disagrees, stick to your guns and his reaction will generally tell you what you need to know.

So mummypig a sah should do all night wakings?

So it seems the general consensus is that I'm not BU. And that h is a prize winning twat. I'm glad that that is so obvious to others and not just me!

I would LOVE to sleep train DS. He can sleep and from time to time he does. Often doing 8 hours or more at a time now but if he wakes (usually after 6-8 hours but the actual hour can vary depending on what time he went to sleep) then he can struggle to settle down again.
I can't let him scream or cry if h is still sleeping before getting up for work as h needs his sleep so I haven't been able to sleep train.
H has 2 weeks off starting 1st Jan so I intend to sleep train then.

To the poster who asked if I get equal leisure time. The short answer is 'no'. I don't seem to get any leisure time at all. I went shopping alone to sales yesterday morning but had to rush as he struggled with both kids and it was approaching naptime and he can't find the balance. He has never been left alone with them both for more then say 2 hours before. He sometimes takes dd out if he is going to the shops or something, but he has never taken DS and has visibly balked at the idea of taking them both.
However, if I need to go out and he is napping/playing football/doing something else then I have to take both kids.

I guess I was looking to rant and for some reassurance that the world is completely nuts.

Tulip - thanks for the outdated 1950's marriage and parenting advice. From an unmarried child free point of view.
I would be extremely interested to k ow quite why your accusing me of 'screaming at him' and 'yelling at him' instead of politely requesting he man the fuck up and be a decent husband and father.
I barely even exchanged words with him this morning. I most certainly wasn't screaming and yelling at 4am as I have a 3.5 yr old who I didn't want to wake up.

If he's off for 2 weeks that's a perfect opportunity for him to become more involved in family life . And for you to have a break.