To not understand why so many men are shit at Xmas?

[Destinysdaughter]

I'm currently single so this isn't a problem that has affected me this year but there seems to be so many threads about women making a massive effort to make sure their kids, husband and wider family have a lovely time but their husbands haven't even bothered to get them a present? It's not exactly difficult is it? Why do men do this?

( and I appreciate it's obviously not all men and maybe my perception is skewed by the posts on here )

( and I appreciate it's obviously not all men and maybe my perception is skewed by the posts on here )

^ this is your answer

In real life I don't know of any men who haven't bought presents.

I agree with shutthatdoor. I don't know anyone who hasn't bought/received a present for/from their OH in real life.

It's a site mainly used by women, so skewed heavily. I don't know any men that don't buy presents.

Too many women get over invested, it's just another day. Months of prep, shopping etc to plan the perfect day and others simply don't match upto their expectations.

because many women take it upon themselves to do it all

dont trust the DP to do it to their standards

treat the DP like a child so do it themselves

basically make a rod for there own back merry Christmas

It seems like there are a few on MN. My DF, DB and DH give thoughtful, kind presents that mean a lot. I think some people are knobbers and Christmas is just one of the ways they show it.

The men that are shit at Xmas are shit the rest of the year too

It just gets magnified at this busy and charged time of year

Exacty as seaside said.

Behind every attached 'crap' man is an enabling partner/parent.

If there wasn't, they wouldn't be crap (or wouldn't have anyone to inflict their crapness upon).

Zed you'd think that - my husband has bought me presents for years at xmas, and usually what I wanted. Nothing this year and doesn't seem to give a crap. Why blame women for men's failings?I'd have made one of those smug "Well my husband would never forget me" posts, for years. I'm always a bit wary of blaming the victim as an explanation for anyone's shortcomings or thoughtlessness. I think the problem lies firmly with the men (or women) who are so thoughtless.

Most of the woman I know end up getting their own gift for DH to wrap -
Or get money to shop in the sales - not many buy a suprise gift out of love.

I'm always baffled by this. Dh is fab. People tell me I'm lucky to have a man who helped with babies in the night, buys lovely gifts, helps with house work etc. I'm not lucky, I just didn't marry a knob.

I do think many women take the martyr role and decide their dh will fail and that does trigger the dh to not bother as he knows he'll get it wrong.

I don't know any men who don't make an effort with Christmas presents.

I had a man-heavy Christmas Day this year, incl. DH, DB, his partner and their two friends, and they all, to a man, bought lovely, thoughtful gifts for everyone. Admittedly 4/5 of them are gay - so the sample is possibly skewed.

My dh didn't get me anything. Neither did anyone else...was kind of forgotten this year.

because many women take it upon themselves to do it all

And then complain about it.

I got a lovely piece of Victorian jewellery, which I did not pick out for myself.

I don't understand it either, OP. I don't know of anyone who would do this and I also disagree with the excusing of partners gift buying skills by buying your own gift for them to wrap, its not difficult to buy presents and if you have lived with someone for a long period of time, shared lives and had children it is pathetic to not know them well enough to know what they would want or like, as AF says it says to me they are crap full stop.

Joffrey that's a strange turnaround.

Generally because a lot of people enable and put up with shit behaviour.

I think it's a combination of all the things mentioned: people who have nice partners who try hard at Christmas won't be on MN complaining and most guys who don't make the effort at Christmas also don't make the effort in many other areas.

For what it's worth my DH, my dad and my brother all try very hard and are pretty thoughtful. My dad does buy some bizarre gifts for my mum sometimes but I think that's largely down to his Asperger's and it's not for want of effort or intention. DH bought DS1's two main presents off his own back and got me a lovely selection of presents despite my lack of any sort of list/suggestions when asked. I'm willing to bet my brother got his fiance some lovely things, too.

My DH got me a tablet and spent far on me. All men aren't dicks

Because lots of men are raised to expect the women in their lives to do all the thoughtful little things that make life nice. Not all men of course. My DS loves shopping for and hooding gifts as do all my brothers. My dad however is useless.

I'm seriously hoping it's just the generations on the way out to be honest.

I hate Christmas, loathe it, its a materialistic drinkathon that causes unhappiness and debt to millions and yet I've still done everything this year.
But I did it happily so that my GF didn't have to worry, could focus on spending precious time with her boys, her dad and our daughter.
It made me happy, so was actually quite selfish of me.

What these

Oops

What these stupid selfish people don't understand is that the more you give (emotionally) the more you get back

Unless you are partnered with an arsehole, in which case get rid

A lot do enable and put up with crap behaviour for many reasons, ie they can't live without a man, they don't want to work so somebody needs to finance that option etc. Crap behaviour rarely changes, it's usually there from the start.

Who made women the boss of Christmas?

It is up to individuals and families to decide how they want to spend it

Both my DH and my Dad are fantastic at present buying/giving, DFIL on the other hand is shocking at buying presents but is a kind and gentle man just not great in this one area!