Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my MIL is being unfair

69 replies

listsandbudgets · 20/12/2015 21:02

We are going to my mum's for Christmas. As MIL would otherwise be alone she has invited her to come and stay from lunchtime Christmas eve until tea time on boxing day when DSIL will be coming to pick her up. We will then pick her up on the 29th and take her home with us until 4th January.

We are going to my mum's on the 22nd. MIL has repetaviely phoned me, my mum and DP asking to be picked up on the afternoon of the 22nd as she wants to spend more time with her grandchildren - we've all said no as we have plans for the 23rd, its another hours drive from my mum's to go and get her (so 2 more hours driving after a 3 hour drive) and we dont want to put any extra pressure on my mum.

This morning she phoned my mum saying if she wasn't welcome she wasn't coming at all. I've told DP to talk to her but fuming.

Before anyone asks we can't easily go to her instead as she has a one bed flat

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/12/2015 21:05

Could she get a taxi to you mum's house?

ollieplimsoles · 20/12/2015 21:05

I'm on the fence here as I feel a bit sorry for mil..

Do you not get in with her usually and could she maybe join in your plans for the 23rd?

Madeyemoodysmum · 20/12/2015 21:07

Your dp need to sort this your mum has been very welcoming and see will see them Again at new year. I'd stick by your guns. She has shown her unreasonable ness by trying to blackmail your mum.

It's your dp issue. His mum his problem.

Nanofone · 20/12/2015 21:08

She is being very unfair. She's been invited for a good stretch of time and trying emotional blackmail to be invited for longer is very unreasonable.

rumbleinthrjungle · 20/12/2015 21:08

She's asked and had the answer that no, that isn't convenient. If she wants to shoot herself in the foot by taking her bat home if she doesn't get exactly what she wants then frankly I'd let her get on with it. "Ok MiL, if that's your decision then I respect it."

She may think twice about stamping her foot and making silly threats another time. What is it this week about adult DMs and MiLs women acting like overtired toddlers?!

Nonidentifyingnc · 20/12/2015 21:09

I think it is rude if her to invite herself to your mums for extra days. She is taking no account of the fact that other people have plans and the whole world does not revolve around what suits her. I would stand my ground and continue to say no.
I think you are going above and beyond in having her from 29th to 4th Jan tbh.

monkeymamma · 20/12/2015 21:09

YANBU, she is quite obviously being unreasonable! No advice other than let your dh deal with it. You simply cannot invite yourself to someone else's house for longer than they've asked you! Plus what age are yr children, if they are very young surely she'll see enough of them 24-26 Dec and over new year?!! My kids are obviously adorable but tiring for grandparents over a very long period...

BackInTheRealWorld · 20/12/2015 21:09

How rude and ungrateful. I would be angry too.

Optimist1 · 20/12/2015 21:10

So she phones her DIL's mother (who has kindly offered her a 2-3 day stay) and suggests that she's been made to feel unwelcome? Words fail me.

lunar1 · 20/12/2015 21:10

Do you alternate years or always see your parents?

OwlinaTree · 20/12/2015 21:10

I'm with rumble just say, 'you are welcome, what a shame you don't want to join us. Let us know if you change your mind' or something like that, leave it with her.

MontyYouTerribleCunt · 20/12/2015 21:12

Agree with PPs - yanbu. Also like rumble's text.

Rivercam · 20/12/2015 21:13

I think your mil is being very selfish inviting herself to your mothers for an extra 48 hours. No doubt your mum wants that time to do last mi ute shopping, cleaning, preparation etc. It was vey generous of your mum to invite your mil to stay over Christmas, and for her to demand to stay longer is taking the p..s.

Creampastry · 20/12/2015 21:15

How rude! Leave her to it, let her go elsewhere.

OTheHugeManatee · 20/12/2015 21:18

In your mum's shoes I'd be feeling quite put out now. Your MIL needs to learn some manners Shock

ollieplimsoles · 20/12/2015 21:19

How old are your dc op?

ohtheholidays · 20/12/2015 21:32

My God she sounds awful.It's a complete lack of manners and normal respect to keep asking like that.I wouldn't have asked once,to then demand as well and use emotional blackmail to get her own way is not normal behavior that's a disgusting way to behave.

I'm not surprised your furious OP.Your DH needs to have words with his Mother.

Corygal · 20/12/2015 21:37

Startlingly entitled and rude. Whatever else happens, don't cave in.

0christmastree5 · 20/12/2015 21:38

Does having a tantrum normally work got her?

0christmastree5 · 20/12/2015 21:38

Got - for, sorry

OhJustGetOnWithIt · 20/12/2015 21:39

Just take her at her word and assume she's cancelled her visit. Outrageously rude behaviour.

DartmoorDoughnut · 20/12/2015 21:41

That is a whole new level of rude behaviour! Who the hell tries to extend their stay repeatedly?! Maybe you want a bit of time just your DM and you? Just unbelievable. Obvs YANBU!

JT05 · 20/12/2015 21:49

I'm a 'MIL' and no way would I do this. I'd be happy that I could join in for Christmas Day and Boxing Day! Plenty of MILs will be on their own. ( I hasten to add I'm not one of them'

EponasWildDaughter · 20/12/2015 21:55

This morning she phoned my mum saying if she wasn't welcome [for the extra days] she wasn't coming at all.

Shock

Who rings anybody and says this?! Especially someone who you're meant to be staying on good terms with!

Rude. Bad manners and manipulative. DH needs to have a word with his mother.

SmaDizietSma · 20/12/2015 21:58

Yanbu

I do as others have said and take her at her word. You and your family are being generous.

Swipe left for the next trending thread