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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you say anything ?

62 replies

FlameProofBoots · 10/12/2015 19:05

It came up in conversation yesterday that my nephew will not be taking part in his school nativity because it's past his bedtime. He's seven years old. This came directly from SIL and at the time I made a goldfish face but was too flabbergasted to say what I wanted.

Should I push this with her? It just seems like she's setting him up for a lifetime of being others and ridiculed by his peers. I'm sure that one 9pm bedtime won't harm him fgs and the while rest of his class will be taking part.

More a wwyd than an AIBU I suppose, but do you think I should try and talk to her about this or just mind my own business?

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 10/12/2015 19:09

Mind your own business.

YourLittlePlantPot · 10/12/2015 19:09

Keep out of it

Just don't go there. Unless you want to fall out with your SIL of course

AliceInUnderpants · 10/12/2015 19:10

Mind your own business.

DiscoDiva70 · 10/12/2015 19:11

Hes your nephew so you should be able to.say something, tactfully, that you feel he's missing out

HitsAndMrs · 10/12/2015 19:11

Mind your own business, she's his mother.

MunchMunch · 10/12/2015 19:12

Tbh I'd be a bit Hmm if its a one off for a late bedtime to be sticking rigidly to 7pm, saying that is your nephew absolutely knackered come 7pm and ready for bed or is a complete horror if he doesn't get his normal hours of sleep.

If it's something he'd like to take person then I'd maybe say something like "oh it's a shame for him to miss out" but obviously it's sil's decision at the end of the day.

coffeeisnectar · 10/12/2015 19:12

I'd have probably said, one night will be ok, shame for him to miss out. But the moment has passed so saying it now could cause issues.

My kids are going to the panto on Monday, won't get to bed until 11pm. Fine for teen. 10 year old? She will be very tired on Tuesday but it's Xmas, it's one night.

MunchMunch · 10/12/2015 19:12

*take part in

Original poster
FlameProofBoots · 10/12/2015 19:13

Excuse the typos, my kindle has a mind of its own.

OP posts:
SixtyFootDoll · 10/12/2015 19:13

I would keep quiet.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 10/12/2015 19:15

I wouldn't say anything. However, she is being ridiculous. What a shame for him to miss this. Could it also be that she can't be arsed to go along and watch it?

Original poster
FlameProofBoots · 10/12/2015 19:16

We are close enough that I could say something. I just don't know how unreasonable she's being, is this a common thing or will he be the only child missing out?

OP posts:
maybebabybee · 10/12/2015 19:18

Poor kid. You can't really say anything though.

RubbleBubble00 · 10/12/2015 19:21

wow, my 7 yr old would be so upset at missing the school nativity as they all get a go on stage in his school

DiscoDiva70 · 10/12/2015 19:25

It's not a common thing as most parents don't see a problem allowing their children to join in.
In my dd's class there was always the same parent who stopped her children joining in the plays, stating that the kids needed their sleep and she didn't want to upset their bedtime routine.
She eventually admitted that the real reason they didn't go was because she really couldn't be arsed to go back down the school at night as she wanted the kids in bed out the way whilst she watched her soaps!

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 10/12/2015 19:28

Poor boy. The thing is as it is a school thing they will know that they will be tired the next day and will plan accordingly.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 10/12/2015 19:29

It is a bit precious of her. The world's not going to come to a shuddering Holt and cease turning because he shock horror goes to bed one night later than 7pm, but other pps are right. She's his mum, so its her rules. Poor little mite, mind. She is being a tad mean

SauvignonBlanche · 10/12/2015 19:33

I'm assuming this is SIL's first child? I think you should MYOB whilst thinking that's she's bonkers.

gobbynorthernbird · 10/12/2015 19:35

Does your DN only have one parent?

AnonymousBird · 10/12/2015 19:42

He will be the only one missing out, I would have thought. I mean, 7 isn't exactly a baby any more!! What does BIL/her DP say about it?

Unfortunately, I don't think you can really get involved. She is overreacting and as such, may well overreact if you say anything.

TheWordOfBagheera · 10/12/2015 19:43

Is it possible that she has another reason that she doesn't want to share, and so is using the bedtime thing as a legit-sounding excuse.

I'd leave it; if she was undecided and wanted your opinion she would ask.

LittleBeautyBelle · 10/12/2015 19:44

Normally I'd say mind your own business, it is her decision, she is the parent. Inlaws often think they can impose their will on other people, it's been done to me so I usually lean to the parent. I still say don't say anything to her because it is unlikely she will say, Oh, you're right, I'll let him do it. If you two are very, very close, then maybe. But if there is the slightest tension or the teeniest of weirdness between you in the past, then keep your mouth tightly closed, she will resent your criticism.

It is sad he will miss out...she may be over doing her parenting and being super vigilant of the bedtime routine, I've known a few parents that did the same thing...best to let them discover this for themselves. I do feel for the little guy though.

Gruntfuttock · 10/12/2015 20:00

Where are posters getting 7pm from? I can't see that time mentioned by the OP. Confused

Stasie · 10/12/2015 20:04

Perhaps she has another reason that she doesn't want to elaborate on?

My son missed a performance the other week, partly as no one could pick him up afterwards, well I could have asked other members of the family to, but didn't like to impose - and partly as he just hates performing and didn't want to do it.

It could just be an excuse.

Original poster
FlameProofBoots · 10/12/2015 20:06

It's not an excuse, I know her very well. It is because he goes to bed at 7 and that never changes. She is generally an anxious person.

OP posts: