Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH nan is a cow

34 replies

PinkSlipperQueen · 27/11/2015 12:19

DH nan at the weekend told me I need to shut my legs more as 3 kids is enough and before that said it's a mystery your so large with all the running around you do with 3 kids. All this after we paid for their lunch etc. Just feel a but shit about myself now. I'm a size 14 btw. She then invited herself and other family members for Christmas ar ours, all happened so quick I wasn't thinking and agreed to it. DH is an arsehole who said nothing.

OP posts:
Whattheydonttellyou · 27/11/2015 12:38

ok, she has given you the perfect response (unwittingly!).

"I am so so sorry DH Nan but I totally agree with you that I need to get more fit, and attend to my shape and wellbeing. Thank you so much for your advice and noticing. After what you said, I have taken your advice on board and I will not be cooking Christmas dinner as a roast this year but thought I would do a large green salad (with whatever meat/fish/veggie part she hates/can't eat). I doubt you want to share this so feel free to NOT come for the meal. I will understand. It is a shame, but I need to take your advice on board".

When she has declined Christmas dinner with you and found some other kind member of the family to plague, revert to Plan B - a massive traditional Christmas dinner with those who do not such the joyous air out of the room. And enjoy. And breathe! If she finds out you did a proper Xmas dinner, you can say the diet made you dizzy so you needed a day of protein.

I am also a size 14 and although I could do with losing a few ounces I am happy with my curves. I would be livid at such rudeness. I have learned to be tricky when dealing with difficult people. You will never beat them at their own game but you can turn the tables to avoid them!

Whattheydonttellyou · 27/11/2015 12:40

I meant Suck the joyous air!

SmashleyHop · 27/11/2015 12:40

If your DH said nothing then the next time he wants you to "open your legs" tell him you're taking his nan's advice and keeping them closed for the foreseeable future.

Jw35 · 27/11/2015 12:42

What a bitch! I wouldn't want anything to do with her after the shut your legs comment! That's her son!

Cancel the Xmas plans and stay away from her. Rude woman! ThanksWine

Jw35 · 27/11/2015 12:43

Why did your DH allow her to disrespect you like that? Confused

ShebaShimmyShake · 27/11/2015 12:44

"If we're going to complain about people having kids, Nan, may I please ask you to withdraw, like your father should have done."

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 27/11/2015 12:45

I would suddenly remember an invite elsewhere.

Or you could tell them the truth, that you don't feel like opening your house up to arseholes.

Is she always like it, or did she take your DH by surprise too?

fuzzywuzzy · 27/11/2015 12:45

Can you go to your parents for Christmas? I'd leave 'D'H to do Christmas for his nan and guests.

Original poster
PinkSlipperQueen · 27/11/2015 12:53

She's normally like it to be honest. She's upset other family members wives girlfriends etx with mean comments. I normally let it go over my head but it was particularly bad last time.

Thanks for all the support Wine

OP posts:
KinkyAfro · 27/11/2015 13:09

Tell her to come by all means and that DH will be doing all the hosting and cooking - and take yourself off somewhere else.

Nasty witch!

Flowers
MackerelOfFact · 27/11/2015 13:20

Start leaving care home brochures lying around and 'how to cope when a family member has dementia' leaflets.

If nothing else, it should remind her who will be choosing her nursing home...

CreviceImp · 27/11/2015 13:21

Personally I would fight fire with fire. She is choosing to be a horrible cah so can have a dose of being on the receiving end of it.

When she said you could shut your legs I would have responded saying it would be mightily preferable if she would just shut her mouth and keep the bile down.

When she went onto comment on the mystery of your weight I would have said the bigger mystery is how massive a cunt she is.

I don't think she would bother you after that and you wouldn't have to host the bitch either. Win -win.

RedMapleLeaf · 27/11/2015 13:21

Tell his grandmother that you're really hurt by her personal comments. Having got over your shock and able to tell her how you feel, you're sure she'll understand why you don't want to host them on Christmas Day.

Then tell your husband that you are hurt by his lack of concern and appreciation so he's in charge of Christmas Dinner this year.

ppeatfruit · 27/11/2015 13:22

She sounds like a mean drunk to me. Was she pissed? I 'd ignore it completely and 'forget' that you said that about Xmas.

Whatevva · 27/11/2015 13:28

Some people grow older and learn from experience that people are all different and become nice and understanding, and you can learn so much from them.

And some people don't.

As ppeatfruit says, I would forget it Wink

Mypubesarestraight · 27/11/2015 13:30

Put soap in a sock then wallop the cow!

On a serious note, your dh should have told his nan to shut up. Old age is no excuse for being rude!

Pico2 · 27/11/2015 13:42

I'd suggest to her that this might be the beginning of dementia talking.

helenahandbag · 27/11/2015 13:46

That's outrageous! Why the fuck do some people feel like they can speak to people like that? Both of my grans are in their 80's and wouldn't dare come out with a comment like that.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/11/2015 13:49

I'd build on what Pico said: "Nan, I've been worried about you. After the terrible, nasty, awful things you said to me the other day I'm concerned that you may have the beginnings of dementia. Perhaps you should see your GP for a check?"

timelytess · 27/11/2015 13:51

Start saying exactly what you think to her.
'DH's nan, you were a cow to me and you aren't coming for Christmas.'
Don't fall out with her about it, just be completely honest.

ExBallerina · 27/11/2015 13:51

Tell her you may be "large," but at least you're getting some.

Seriously, that's really mean and she should be called out.

ouryve · 27/11/2015 13:56

If she has a long history of being so unpleasant, then making digs about dementia are more than a little off, to be honest.

Tell her that you've had a think and you're still upset about her unpleasant and intrusive comments about our weight and sexual activity and that, on reflection she would not be welcome for Christmas day.

Strokethefurrywall · 27/11/2015 14:00

Just call her out on it - she sounds like a vicious nasty fuck. Why would you allow that to poison your Christmas?
And, probably slightly harder, tell your DH that if he lets anyone disrespect you like that again then he can stay with his nan for Christmas instead of your family.

I have no witty comebacks because my response would be an immediate "what the fuck did you just say to me?" - and then it would be WW3...

wowis · 27/11/2015 14:25

yeah my nan was a nsty old cow too. Once when I was struggling with my first DC she said 'see...told you you should've had an abortion..' Shock
so I totally get it.
I think you could absolutely pull out of christmas. Eventually my nan died so that was a relief for all. Flowers for you op. I found it helped to see the funny side . Nan-isms now are gold dust at a gathering.xx

tobysmum77 · 27/11/2015 14:42

So DH now needs to step up and tell her she isn't welcome for Christmas.