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Original poster

To think the guy I've been on 4 dates with has been a bit inappropriate

65 replies

Icandoanything · 21/11/2015 17:37

I went on 3 dates with this guy back in April/May time but it fizzled out because I didn't think it was going anywhere, we hadn't even kissed by the end of our third date.

I decided to go on another date with him last Saturday as we got back in touch, and I did really enjoy his company. At the end of the date, he pecked me on the lips. Again, quite slow for my liking but he said that as he hadn;t seen me for a few months and didn't want to jump on me.

We've been messaging back and forth and today I dropped into conversation that DS (who is 6) had been sent to his room as he had been rude. He replied that he would apologise now as he is way more lenient as he doesn't have kids and finds them cute as opposed to frustrating when they act like that.

I think that's a bit of a weird response, but am I being overprotective?! We've been on 4 dates, not even kissed properly and he's already talking about meeting my son?!

He also asked on our date if I guy I had been briefly seeing in the summer had met my son and I said, no way, he wouldn't meet anyone I'd only been on 6 dates with!

My gut tells me I feel uncomfortable about this but am I overreacting?

OP posts:
shutupandshop · 21/11/2015 17:38

Did he say he wants to meet your ds?

Skullyton · 21/11/2015 17:39

i think you're over-reacting. You dropped DS in to the conversation and then get weird when he says something about how he feels around them.. there was nothing wrong with his remark at all.

if you dont want him talking about your child or talking as if he might meet him or be with you around him at some point, don't talk about him.

britbat23 · 21/11/2015 17:40

This guy is taking it slow and shows an interest in the fact that he would be becoming part of your family if the relationship developed?

Definite red flag. LTB.

NashvilleQueen · 21/11/2015 17:41

Just want to make sure I'm understanding your concern. Are you thinking that he may be a paedophile because he said children are cute when naughty and hasn't done more than kiss you? If so, that's a fair old leap.

Original poster
Icandoanything · 21/11/2015 17:41

The message was:

Don't be surprised if I'm way way way more lenient. As I don't have kids of my own, I find it easier to just say, aw, isn't he SO cute? I apologise in advance for that!

He didn't explicitly say it, but the suggestion is there isn't it? I just feel uncomfortable that he seems so certain he will be being way, way, way more lenient! Like he know's whats going to happen!

OP posts:
Original poster
Icandoanything · 21/11/2015 17:42

No, not going down the paedophile route at all! Just asking about the fact that it made me feel uncomfortable

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Original poster
Icandoanything · 21/11/2015 17:43

The info about the kiss was more to put the situation in context, as in we weren't moving really fast

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shutupandshop · 21/11/2015 17:44

So hes interested in and if the relationship develops he may meet your ds? Confused your reaction is weird.

DixieNormas · 21/11/2015 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoWhite · 21/11/2015 17:47

I think he was just giving you a heads up on how he feels about kids! Ie, there is no problem with you having them, and he thinks they are cute.

He's not suggesting he meets your son. You read too much into that.

BlissfullyUnknown · 21/11/2015 17:49

Don't think there is anything wrong with the presumption that one day he will meet your son. It means he see's the relationship progressing.

I wouldn't like that he would think he could be lenient or not with my child though. Discipline is my side of things and I only require support from my partner in that discipline not for them to change the way I discipline.

But since it was an off hand comment I wouldn't get too narked about it.

happymundanes · 21/11/2015 17:50

I think the thought he expresses about naughtiness is completely appropriate and just quite nice really. He's acknowledging that kids can drive their parents crazy but for others who don't have that responsibility they are fun to have around.

He gave you a brief kiss - isn't that what you do at the end of a date?

ThatsNiceDear · 21/11/2015 17:51

I think you're over reacting. Sounds like this is the first time he's ever thought about 'parenting' and he's just thinking out loud about what he might be like in that situation.

Original poster
Icandoanything · 21/11/2015 17:52

Ok, thanks guys! It would seem I am overeacting, it's hard when you don't know the person. And I am trying to reset my mindset about men as the previous ones have just been bastards! This guy does seem lovely and a gent, it's prob just me being suspicious as I'm not used to it

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Bookeatingboy · 21/11/2015 17:52

No wonder men get confused...

They either show no interest in children and are definitely not the settling down type or... they show an interest in children and they are way too presumptuous!

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 21/11/2015 17:53

Well, you brought your DS up. Not him.

He was just responding to what you said.

lightupmynight · 21/11/2015 17:57

I have to agree that I think your reaction is weird.

I dated someone with a younger child and I would ask questions about them, because I was being polite.

I don't think there was any suggestion that he wants to meet your son yet.

Also you seem to feel absolutely nothing towards this guy so why are you still texting each other?

SpinachTeeth · 21/11/2015 18:00

i think thats really nice.

Fairylea · 21/11/2015 18:01

Massively over reacting. I think maybe it's just because he didn't agree with you re the way you handled it? Thing is chances are if he had agreed you'd be here getting annoyed with him for being authoritarian about your child :) he can't win...! I think he was just taking an interest and showing you he's serious about you. Anyone who is interested in a long term relationship with someone with a child should be open to talking about that child and the way they parent / approach kids etc. He was probably just asking whether your ex met your child to see if that was a serious relationship or not, for many people whether they introduce their dc to a new partner or not is a good gauge of how they view them.

CloakAndJagger · 21/11/2015 18:03

You mentioned your son. What was he meant to do? Ignore your comment completely?

You're overreacting. If you don't like the guy don't see him any more, but that comment was fine.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 21/11/2015 18:09

I do agree that comment was fine but can we get back to him asking you if another guy you dated had met your son? That would probably have concerned me and I'm just wondering if you are perhaps reading more into this because of that. What made you drop into the conversation that you had sent your son to his room, seems an odd thing to mention?

JumpandScore · 21/11/2015 18:11

I think he was just telling you that the fact you have a son doesn't put him off.

If he was putting pressure on to meet your son soon that would be different, but to show a bit of interest is nice, isn't it?

kali110 · 21/11/2015 18:13

More i read on here i feel more sorry for men.
Yes you did overreact but you have realised it.
It can be hard when previous partners have been dicks, but there are still some decent men out there!

YesterdayOnceMore · 21/11/2015 18:15

The comment about the previous chap having met your son could have been an attempt to see if it had been a serious relationship?

Original poster
Icandoanything · 21/11/2015 18:17

The mention of my son was just, I'm trying to get out the door, but DS has been sent to his room. I don't mind talking about my son, that's fine, I suppose it just felt like an assumption. I think I am scared of being hurt again, hence I have my defences up, but why would I have considered this man meeting my son after 4 dates and a not very real kiss?! Surely, if I WAS considering it, I would be a bad mother?!

The other guy comment came up when we were discussing our summer as he had been seeing someone to and we were talking about why they didn't work. Can't remember exactly how it came about, but it was just dropped into that part of the convo.

Again, thanks for all your opinions - I am starting tor realise that I need to let my guard down a little

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