To think the guy I've been on 4 dates with has been a bit inappropriate

[Icandoanything]

I went on 3 dates with this guy back in April/May time but it fizzled out because I didn't think it was going anywhere, we hadn't even kissed by the end of our third date.

I decided to go on another date with him last Saturday as we got back in touch, and I did really enjoy his company. At the end of the date, he pecked me on the lips. Again, quite slow for my liking but he said that as he hadn;t seen me for a few months and didn't want to jump on me.

We've been messaging back and forth and today I dropped into conversation that DS (who is 6) had been sent to his room as he had been rude. He replied that he would apologise now as he is way more lenient as he doesn't have kids and finds them cute as opposed to frustrating when they act like that.

I think that's a bit of a weird response, but am I being overprotective?! We've been on 4 dates, not even kissed properly and he's already talking about meeting my son?!

He also asked on our date if I guy I had been briefly seeing in the summer had met my son and I said, no way, he wouldn't meet anyone I'd only been on 6 dates with!

My gut tells me I feel uncomfortable about this but am I overreacting?

My gut tells me I feel uncomfortable about this but am I overreacting?

Always listen to your gut.

Is he telling you that he will not respect the way you want to parent your child?

"I am sorry, but I will absolutely do this thing you don't like" ... doesn't sound great.

I didn't hear how he said it, etc. but if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then watch out for other warning signals and take things slowly.

@Kacie: They can, but it is always better to err on the side of caution. I once had a slightly bad gut feeling about someone who, half a year later, turned out to be a major jerk.
Time will tell.

If it is a VERY bad gut feeling, though, I would run in the other direction.

I think this is a red flag, but not for the guy (who seems, from this thread alone, perfectly nice). The red flag is indicating that you're just not quite ready for a relationship yet, and getting into one might not be fair on either of you.

From that message I would also think he was jumping the gun a bit and thinking about co-parenting your ds in the future, I'd be a bit uncomfortable with it. But as it was one message that could easily have been taken out of the context he meant I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Just keep it in mind and wait to see if anything else comes about. I'd read the message and be a bit 'errr, that's weird' and then let it go iyswim.

Total overreaction op. You dropped ds into your conversation, he was giving his opinion. I totally respect guys who take it slow, and not just want to get their leg up in tge first or second date. He sounds nice.

I think this is an overreaction though I see your point. He is behaving a little over keen but it sounds TO ME like he's trying to slightly overcompensate in assuring you that he's okay with you talking about your kid(s). just my thought.

I'd read it as every time you parented your child, you would have him in the background telling you not to be so mean and undermining you. This would drive me mad! Inevitably it would cause arguments.

You don't have to stay with him. If your gut tells you he isn't for you, then that is enough of a reason not to continue. You don't need a stamp from MN or anyone saying "yes he is a potential xyz so you are right to avoid" you don't need a reason to feel like you shouldn't continue with this relationship - your gut is sufficient.

You don't owe anyone your commitment. So what if you are overreacting in other people's opinion? They aren't about to embark on a relationship with him - you are. Only you can say if you want to continue and in my opinion at this stage of the relationship, it is ok to simply think well he said something lots of women wouldn't mind - but I mind.

Nope I think his reply was weird.

He is assuming he'll meet your son. He's also making reference to how he'll parent your son. I say this because he warned you "not to be surprised" and "apologised in advance" - thats not the sort of thing you say if speaking in theoretical terms.

And I agree with you, had you come on here proposing the idea of introducing your son to a guy you'd been on 4 drawn out dates with when you hadn't even established yourself as a couple you'd be flamed.

Sometimes your gut is wrong you know.

People always say listen to it but if you have had bad experiences your gut feelings can be wrong.

I don't think it's a big deal. But as always when entering a new relationship, take things slowly, see how it goes and keep your eyes open.

You can't read too much into a text message. Text messages are a horrible form of communication because tone can not be read. It is pointless for people to try to work out what he meant. If you really want to know you could ask him instead of playing a guessing game.

It does sound a bit like he's already talking about how things will be when you are liing together and co-parenting, which is a bit wierd from someone you've never even kissed.

I think you're over analysing OP. His remarks seem fine to me. You mentioned your son first and bloke told you something honest about himself. What you worried about? Stop over thinking it is my advice

"To me it comes across as an assumption that he's going to be co parenting with you (and differently!)"

I interpreted it that way too Diddl. In which case I'd be advising OP to be aware that if the relationship with him develops, and their parenting styles are very different, that can cause a lot of friction. At this stage it's probably just a throw away comment, but it does highlight that attitudes toward discipline vary and it's one of those really important things that should be discussed before step parenting or having children together.

Bloody hell, your advising the OP she ought to worry about his possible parenting style in regards to the upbringing of their future children? FFS she's only been out with the bloke a few times.

Should she should stay awake at night worried about whether his silver anniversary gifts will be to her taste well?.

I think your totally over analysing too and agree with pegs that your just looking for excuses because your just not that into him. Save both of you the hassle and end it now

"Bloody hell, your advising the OP she ought to worry about his possible parenting style in regards to the upbringing of their future children? FFS she's only been out with the bloke a few times."

I realise that but I still think it's a little red flag she should be aware of in case the realtionship develops. It's obviously not something she needs to have a discussion about now I think if she likes him she should just enjoy dating him and try and relax, but it never ceases to amaze me how many people have children together when their parenting styles are so different that I do think we should listen to those little comments early on. Besides, so many times on here I've heard posters saying, "thank goodness you found out now rather than in 4 years time when you have kids with him". As I said, it's probably a throw-away comment by him. Time will tell I suppose won't it.