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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DP for half what I've spent on the house?

78 replies

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:08

Bit complicated but me and DP are quite independent of one another and live separately. I got my own house 6 months and have spent that time doing it up, buying furniture etc. I'm going to move into it next week and we have decided that actually, we would like to live together so he's moving in in the New Year. He will obviously contribute to half the bills and if it works out I'll put him on the mortgage but I can't tell if I'm BU about the fact that I've spent a LOT of money doing up and furnishing the house. I've bought literally everything for it and it's skinted me. I don't know if I should ask for half of what I've spent or at least a contribution? Because we only decided to live together very recently after I'd bought everything. Argh I don't know. Opinions please!

OP posts:

whois · 19/11/2015 11:11

No. Absolutely not! He didn't have any input into what you bought. He doesn't own the stuff or the house.

guiltynetter · 19/11/2015 11:13

no that is one of the oddest things I've read for ages! what if he doesn't like what you've done to the house? it was your choice to do it up.

ImperialBlether · 19/11/2015 11:16

Obviously you can't ask him for money for furniture etc that he didn't choose.

However... you say he's going to pay half the bills? Is he going to pay any rent? I know this always causes a furore on MN with people saying you shouldn't charge your boyfriend rent, but I assume at the moment he is paying rent? Why should he be able to pay for electricity and gas but have his rent free?

That would give you some money towards your furniture.

buymeabook · 19/11/2015 11:17

Presumably he will be paying half of the mortgage even if his name isn't on it? So really you're doing much better than if he wasn't there (and so is he of course). I think YABU to expect him to pay towards your refurb costs, it was your choice what to do how to spend the money etc. And what if it doesn't work out living together? Would you pay him back if he subsequently moved out?

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 19/11/2015 11:19

Don't get him to pay for these things but get him to pay rent.

Arfarfanarf · 19/11/2015 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birdsgottafly · 19/11/2015 11:20

You'd have to ask him for money for specific items, so he could take them if you split up.

I've never heard of anyone moving in with someone and them being asked to make a contribution to what's already in the house.

It's a shame that you didn't decide to live together sooner, it would have been nice to do it together, but you didn't, so you've just got to get over the money it's cost you.

KeepOnMoving1 · 19/11/2015 11:20

I think yabu too as you had to furnish it and he had no choice about the costs anyway. As he's going to be fair when you do move in, I think you should let it go.

DawnOfTheDoggers · 19/11/2015 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:21

Didn't mean to sound odd!! I guess I just feel a bit put out that I've spent loads and he gets to come live in a lovely furnished house with no prior input but accept that I just need to get over that maybe.

Imperial I was just going to split whatever I spent on bills mortgage and then after a few months go to a solicitor and get his name put on (but have my deposit protected obviously). This is what we discussed the other day and he seemed fine with it.

Yes buy but I was going to put him on it. And god knows, hadn't thought that far in advance!

OP posts:

ThatsNotMyHouseItIsTooClean · 19/11/2015 11:23

Why will you put him on the mortgage? That could be a massive windfall for him.

Original poster

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:24

Am I just a really strange person . I've just never done this before or had friends in the same position so had no idea what to base it on! Some people are telling me at work he should contribute a bit and some are so I came here for clarity.

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 19/11/2015 11:24

If it works out you'll put him on the morgage and presumably he will then have part ownership of the house. Until this is done I don't think you can expect him to pay for improvements to a house he doesn't own. But he should make a contribution for staying there. All in all I don't think it's a very satisfactory arrangement at present.

Original poster

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:24

Thats because it's the done thing isn't it? Don't want it to seem as though he's helping to pay my mortgage off without any benefit to him.

OP posts:

firesidechat · 19/11/2015 11:25

If he merely moves in with you and pays half the bills then he is gaining nothing other than a roof over his head for the duration of your relationship. The furniture is yours and it was your choice to spend money on it. It would be very unreasonable to ask for a contribution and half would be ridiculous. Would you give him half the furniture if the relationship breaks down? I doubt it.

Will he go on the deeds and the mortgage if it works out?

Original poster

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:26

It's a shame that you didn't decide to live together sooner, it would have been nice to do it together, but you didn't, so you've just got to get over the money it's cost you.

Also I really agree with this, it is a shame.

OP posts:

Original poster

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:26

Would you give him half the furniture if the relationship breaks down? I doubt it.

If he'd put towards half then of course I would! It's half his!

OP posts:

louisejxxx · 19/11/2015 11:26

You definitely shouldn't be asking him for money for improvement he had no say about. You chose to invest in the house, not him! Even if you put him on the mortgage at a later date, I still wouldn't think it would be okay for you to ask for his contribution towards the improvements now.

ginmakesitallok · 19/11/2015 11:29

No way would I put him on the deeds right away! He's benefiting by having somewhere to live! How long have you lived there? Don't give away half your house!

Original poster

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:29

Fair enough louise, glad I haven't brought it up with him and seemed like a crazy lady ha. Will just stick to the original plan..

OP posts:

firesidechat · 19/11/2015 11:30

I've never lived with anyone without being married first, but I would have thought half the bills and food and a contribution towards "rent" would be reasonable.

Original poster

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:30

I move in next week gin! And him in the New Year because he's away for work quite a bit in December so makes sense.

OP posts:

BoomBoomsCousin · 19/11/2015 11:31

You can't expect him to pay for improvements until he's on the mortgage. But it wouldn't be unreasonable to protect the improvements you've made (and any increase in value) as well as the deposit when you get to the point of doing that. So when you get to that point, have the house revalued, and on the ownership docs he get's the proportion that is half the mortgage, you get all the rest.

While he's living with you and not on the mortgage he can pay rent - which will go towards covering some of the maintenance and furnishing of the house.

firesidechat · 19/11/2015 11:31

Ok so you would give him his share of the furniture you chose, but would he even want something someone else had picked out?

EssentialHummus · 19/11/2015 11:33

Please think very carefully before putting him on the mortgage, especially if you're in the financial position (with his "keep"/contributions) to cover the mortgage yourself. Why do this?

I'm not suggesting that you'll split up in the future, but it is incredibly valuable to have a property that's yours, whatever life throws at you. Plus you paid the deposit presumably, and the mortgage payments to date. If it's a big symbolic gesture, don't do it.

And no, you can't charge him for furniture IMO.

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