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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask DP for half what I've spent on the house?

78 replies

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:08

Bit complicated but me and DP are quite independent of one another and live separately. I got my own house 6 months and have spent that time doing it up, buying furniture etc. I'm going to move into it next week and we have decided that actually, we would like to live together so he's moving in in the New Year. He will obviously contribute to half the bills and if it works out I'll put him on the mortgage but I can't tell if I'm BU about the fact that I've spent a LOT of money doing up and furnishing the house. I've bought literally everything for it and it's skinted me. I don't know if I should ask for half of what I've spent or at least a contribution? Because we only decided to live together very recently after I'd bought everything. Argh I don't know. Opinions please!

OP posts:
WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 12:20

I rent now and no I never thought of it like that Imperial and Magical!! I did think about overpaying then felt guilty about it.. why do I feel so bloody guilty about everything?! I can't overpay for 2 years but could save it up until then. And thanks for the congrats Magical, can't wait to move in next week Grin.

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Boomingmarvellous · 19/11/2015 12:21

No, you can't ask him to contribute to your refurbishment project. It's your house after all.

He should certainly pay Rent or other expenses, in lieu of rent, but under no circumstances put him on the deeds/mortgage. If your relationship didn't last you could end up losing your home. In fact you would end up losing your home as you would need to repay him his contribution to the mortgage.

You have to charge him rent or else he pays all the bills. Either way make it equitable. If you decide to marry then it's different and then I would make him a joint owner with your deposit protected.

Live in couples are treated differently in law so take legal advice before you do anything re the mortgage/deeds.

Jhm9rhs · 19/11/2015 12:21

I think it would be unreasonable to ask. Sorry.

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 12:22

Thanks Booming, I was absolutely going to take legal advice before making any kind of change.

No need to be sorry Jhm I've sucked it up and admitted I am Smile

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Wolfie2 · 19/11/2015 12:23

I wouldn't put him on the mortgage but instead get him to pay half the bills. That way the house is yours.

You can't expect him to pay for half your new stuff. Given the choice he might have decided to get everything from freecycle.

Wolfie2 · 19/11/2015 12:25

The best bet is for you to both own a house.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 19/11/2015 12:27

Option 1
He pays no rent but you split the bills, he saves his rent money to invest in his own property

Option 2
He pays you rent [which is taxable income so you both down the line need to recognise that you won't have seen the "gross value" of that rental income; and a share of the bills. Do it all properly so there is never

Tell him that if it all works out when your home comes up for remortgage or you two get married then is the time to discuss who goes on the mortgage.

Either he "buys in" by putting a lump sum down on the house as part of a remortgage or you both go on the deeds for both properties [assuming he has bought by then a home of equivalent value].

If you are not married you need a Tenants in Common agreement that protects your/each of your deposits [depending on timing], stamp duty AND your equity in the house [assuming that the huge sums you have spent are on home improvements and not just expensive furniture].

Don't be a mug. You could lose your house if you split up.

EternalSunshine820 · 19/11/2015 12:43

Check with a Solicitor of course, but if he pays rent and you aren't married does that just make him your tenant and he wouldn't be entitled to anything if you split? (also his rights re: tenancy would be minimal, you would only ever have to give a week's notice I believe, if anything did happen and you wanted him gone again). As a tenant he would also pay bills and upkeep of the property after he moves in (not for pre-existing improvements) but you would be responsible for the bulk of work to the property including exterior?

Can't see why you would give him half rights to your home at such an early stage, but if you do go down that road would def say have something like a pre-nup drawn up.

Blossom8 · 19/11/2015 12:57

Why put your partner on the mortgage deed if he has not contributed towards the purchase of it? However, you can't expect him to pay for the furnishing that you chose. Call me cynical but what happens if you put him on the deed and then further down the line, you split and he wants half the house that you worked hard and paid for?

It's only fair that he should pay rent/towards your mortgage, he's not living at home and even then some parents expect some contribution. Protect your own interest and if things do go well and you want him on the deed, get a solicitor to arrange a declaration of trust so it will be clear what share he would get in the event things turn sour.

Copperspider · 19/11/2015 12:59

Suppose you put DP on the mortgage and while you're living together the house increases in value by £20,000.

He would 'own' half of that increase. So if you split up and he wants to sell, but you want to keep the house, you'd have to be able to buy him out: whatever figure represents the equity from the money he's put in PLUS that £10,000. If you can't afford that, he can force a sale.

Even if you can afford that, you'd have to change the mortgage to be in your name only. Rates could have increased, you may have been made redundant and unable to get a new mortgage. Again, you might have to sell your home.

Charge him rent (up to £7,500 is tax free), and see how things go.

Congratulations on your new house!

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 13:13

Thank you! All very good points to consider and has given me loads to think about. I hate how complicated all this is!

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isthatpoisontoo · 19/11/2015 13:27

I thought I'd comment since i did this recently. I moved in with DP, who had a mortgage, and had spent a lot of money on -mostly- doing up the house. I paid him monthly rent, which he sometimes sent back if he didn't feel he needed my contribution that month. I brought my furniture with me, which was my contribution to furnishings! Purchases after I moved in were joint if we both wanted it or individual if only one of us cared (I own the bathroom mirror!).

After a year, we applied for a mortgage together, and I made a contribution to it from savings. I actually made money on that, because it didn't match his equity. It's a relationship, though, not a business transaction, and we were at a point where that felt ok. It wasn't as simple as adding my name, it was a whole new application, and I was aware that he was essentially giving me a gift, even though I was contributing capital. He proposed right after.

What I'm trying to say is that some give and take is a good thing, you don't have to act like it's all business. At the same time, it's a very serious decision to add someone to the mortgage, so take your time on that. You deserve a return on your investment, not just to protect it.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask whether he'd like to chip in on some furniture and decorating costs, since he'll he using the furniture. You just have to be prepared for him to say, "no, I'd rather swap half out for my own stuff," or "actually, why don't we redecorate, my treat?".

Orda1 · 19/11/2015 13:36

I thought you couldn't charge 'rent' as they can then make a claim on your house?

Why didn't you buy together!? The stress!! (I've just bought my first one and know how you're feeling!!)

ImperialBlether · 19/11/2015 13:42

Of course that's not true, Orda, otherwise every tenant would have a claim on their landlady's house!

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 13:47

Thank you isthat, that's extremely helpful. I agree what you say about give and take, I really don't want it to be nitpicky and petty tit for tat eg he bought that, I bought this etc. I still have to get a washing machine, a microwave, a kettle and dining room chairs. Would it be unreasonable to ask him to contribute to these?

And Orda we didn't want to live together 6 months ago. I guess things change!

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ImperialBlether · 19/11/2015 13:58

I think in your position I'd remain independent and buy it all myself. The lines become blurred, otherwise. Plus, you get to choose exactly what you want. Then, when he gets his house, he does exactly the same.

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 13:59

Thanks Imperial, that's originally what I was going to do anyway so I'll just carry on as I was Smile

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BertieBotts · 19/11/2015 14:00

Well hang on, if you'd been living together and furnishing a house for you to live together then it would be joint funds, no?

So if this is for the same purpose ie you're furnishing the house for you to live in it together then yes, IMO it does make sense to share the costs.

redstrawberry10 · 19/11/2015 14:23

If he is an independent working adult, I don't see why he shouldn't pay rent. Charge rent.

if you decide to put him on the deed later, you can account for the value of the house at the time and ask him to "buy in". you two can decide how much he owns and what percentage he gets.

whois · 19/11/2015 14:38

I'd split the bills and food with him down the middle. Then he should pay rent which you can use towards your mortgage. If you split up, he's not at any disadvantage as he would have been paying rent anyway. If you get married then he's entitled to half the house, and he's not at a disadvantage there either.

This is EXACTLY what I would do. Except I would charge way less than market rent, given he doesn't have a secure tenancy or anything.

NotWeavingButDarning · 19/11/2015 14:39

Check with a solicitor, but I think you need to have a formal written rental agreement with him and both have an original, signed copy. This will mean that if you split, you can prove that the intent all along was for him to pay rent and that his contributions did not give him a joint interest in the house.

I know it seems a bit silly, but it could save your house if you break up.

whois · 19/11/2015 14:39

I would expect to pay rent if I was living with a partner who owned the hose.Just, not market rent.

whois · 19/11/2015 14:40

heck with a solicitor, but I think you need to have a formal written rental agreement with him and both have an original, signed copy.

Better to do it as a lodging agreement.

DisneyMillie · 19/11/2015 15:20

I think I'm odd now as I disagree with most - I don't get the big deal of adding him to your mortgage - I assume you're going into this as a serious and hopefully forever relationship. You're a couple not his landlady.

My DP moved into my house last year (we'd been together about a year and a half before that) and we put him on the mortgage and the deeds.

I'm not saying don't protect yourself - get the legals done so you'll get your deposit back before anything is split but if you can afford the mortgage now then if you do split just remortgage and buy him out of anything that he's put in and you won't be any worse off?

My DP and I are planning to be married in the next year and treat our monthly finances as if we are - wouldn't want it any other way.

Wolfie2 · 19/11/2015 15:33

It's very early in the relationship to add him to the mortgage. It would be different if you'd been living together years or had kids together.

You can ask him for rent and call it rent but make sure it's logged somewhere.