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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DP for half what I've spent on the house?

78 replies

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:08

Bit complicated but me and DP are quite independent of one another and live separately. I got my own house 6 months and have spent that time doing it up, buying furniture etc. I'm going to move into it next week and we have decided that actually, we would like to live together so he's moving in in the New Year. He will obviously contribute to half the bills and if it works out I'll put him on the mortgage but I can't tell if I'm BU about the fact that I've spent a LOT of money doing up and furnishing the house. I've bought literally everything for it and it's skinted me. I don't know if I should ask for half of what I've spent or at least a contribution? Because we only decided to live together very recently after I'd bought everything. Argh I don't know. Opinions please!

OP posts:

howabout · 19/11/2015 11:33

Does he have any savings he could contribute to add to your deposit when you put him on the mortgage? Alternatively, if you would rather have more money for spending just now could he buy half the deposit from you? This would make life simpler as you would then own the property equally and not have to deal with the legal complexities of protecting your deposit.

I agree with others on the furnishings and would be charging rent until you sort out the property ownership.

Original poster

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:34

I do think I've increased the value slightly so will do, thanks Boom hadn't thought of that.

And fire we have very similar tastes and he does really like how I've done it out (not just saying that, he actually does!!). In fact some of the things I've done have actually been from his suggestions.

OP posts:

molyholy · 19/11/2015 11:35

It wouldn't be half the house. The OP said her deposit would be protected, so presumably it would be half, minus the OP's deposit, which is when he would have started paying half of all the outgoings. You already know YABU for asking him for half of stuff you have already bought.

Maryz · 19/11/2015 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 19/11/2015 11:36

I don't think it's odd to be interested in protecting the investment - although it's perhaps oddly expressed in the OP.

You've invested a lot of your income into assets which you'll now share the benefits of with someone else, however you've incurred all the costs. Any value adding you've done over should probably be considered in the value he would get when you put him on the deeds (ie you need to value the property now, so you're protecting more than the deposit but also the equity you've built via the improvements etc.)

But really, general stuff as opposed to improvements - that's not really reasonable to expect a contribution for, it may not be to his taste, he didn't have any control over the spending / value propositions, so you'll have to get over it I think.

Original poster

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:37

Essential I'm financially able to cover the mortgage/ bills alone because that's what I budgeted for when I first got the property. It would just be easier and not as much of a stretch if he helped. But I could manage fine without IYSWIM.

He does have some savings as he's saving up for a deposit for his own house. Well he was until this happened. Definitely something to talk about how.

OP posts:

Cel982 · 19/11/2015 11:38

You're not strange or odd, Wasabi, I think some posters are being a little dramatic. I agree that you shouldn't ask him to contribute now to stuff that was already purchased and he didn't have a hand in choosing. Obviously going forward you should split the cost of new household purchases, plus bills and it's definitely reasonable for him to pay some rent. Best of luck with your new living arrangements - exciting times!

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 19/11/2015 11:39

It's not the done thing to put him on your mortgage necessarily. Unless he "buys in" to it, iyswim.

Original poster

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:39

You've invested a lot of your income into assets which you'll now share the benefits of with someone else, however you've incurred all the costs.

fred has managed to express perfectly what I was trying to get at but I freely admit I am BU to ask for a contribution!

OP posts:

KeepOnMoving1 · 19/11/2015 11:39

Good advice from Maryz. It's something huge to decide to give someone half your house. Wait it out a bit.
You need to let the furnishing costs go, even if he has the same tastes as you it doesn't mean that he would have been happy to spend those amounts.

Specialsnowflake1 · 19/11/2015 11:40

No because it only becomes his home when he moves in. It was your choice to update your home. You can't charge him for it.

Original poster

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:42

Thank you Cel, I am actually excited

OP posts:

TurnWifiOn · 19/11/2015 11:49

It may not be easy as you think to put his name on the mortgage, you may have to start a whole new application, with credit and earning checks and fees. You may get the same interest rate that you are on currently.

You can easily however protect your deposit and if you should split then the cost of renovation should be taken into account. I would recommend creating a spreadsheet or similar with a breakdown of what you have spent.

ImperialBlether · 19/11/2015 11:51

Please, please make sure you remain independent financially until you've lived together for quite a long time. You'd be screwed if you split up and he had half the equity.

There's nothing wrong with charging him rent. He will be paying rent where he is now; you will be encouraging cocklodging if you don't charge it now.

Original poster

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:54

Thanks Turn, I didn't realise that. And spreadsheet is a good idea, I like spreadsheets.

Yes Imperial, overall he'd be paying a lot less with me for bills etc than he would in the current place he's renting.

OP posts:

Zucker · 19/11/2015 11:56

Please, please make sure you remain independent financially until you've lived together for quite a long time. You'd be screwed if you split up and he had half the equity.

There's nothing wrong with charging him rent. He will be paying rent where he is now; you will be encouraging cocklodging if you don't charge it now.

^^This with bells on

It's not the "done thing" to give away half of your house just because! Forget about charging for the furnishings and protect yourself properly with the much more important and bigger asset, the house.

Original poster

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 11:56

^pressed send too quickly. So yeah overall he is better off financially, I just didn't want people thinking he'd be living with me and helping to pay my mortgage off with no benefit to him.

OP posts:

OTheHugeManatee · 19/11/2015 12:02

I wouldn't advise asking him for financial contributions to your house. If you do so you are putting yourself in a precarious position in the event you ever separate. IIRC if he can prove a 'beneficial interest' (ie that he's been contributing to upkeep and improvements) even if he's not the owner he might be entitled to a share of its value in the event of a split. You would be wiser to ask him for a document explicitly renouncing such a beneficial interest, so as to protect your assets against any future challenges.

TyDy · 19/11/2015 12:12

Please DONT put his name on your mortgage after a few months

It really is to his benefit and puts you in a very precarious position IMO!

Whats the rush? Really?

Would be better for him to contribute towards bills and pay some sort of rent - record it properly in a rent book if you like. Ride it out and review after 18 months as a minimum - gove him an opportunity to save tiwards an equal amount or thereabputs that you used towards your deposit and IF you decide to add his nsme to the mortgage then use this money to reduce the lian and put you both on am equal footing.

Lets see how serious and committed he is towards your future together before jepordizing your hard work and independence. This will show you more about him than amything else i think.

If he waivers, has impteen excuses etc then read that as a red flag and proceed with caution or bail.

no73 · 19/11/2015 12:16

No way would I be putting him on the mortgage, now way. What if it doesn't work out?? he'd be entitled to half your house are you willing to lose your home?

I would charge him rent and then in a few years time if you are still together go to a solicitor and work out what percentage of the house he would be entitled to if he goes on the mortgage and you split. You need more than your deposit protected.

This is why no man is ever going to go on my mortgage because no way am I prepared to go through someone trying to force me to sell my house again because they want their share.

Be very, very careful.

ImperialBlether · 19/11/2015 12:16

OP, have you ever rented a flat? If so, were you resentful that the landlady was paying her mortgage with your rent? It wouldn't cross your mind, would it?

Of course he should pay rent when he's with you, as well as half the bills. If he wasn't there you could get a lodger and you'd be much better off. I would say he has to pay a proportion of his current rent - maybe half? That way he can save the rest and you are benefiting from the money. Personally I would use that to overpay the mortgage - though I don't think I'd tell him that.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 19/11/2015 12:17

I just didn't want people thinking he'd be living with me and helping to pay my mortgage off with no benefit to him.

Presumably he is paying rent where he is living now? Isn't that helping to pay someone else's mortgage?

I imagine you've paid all the huge moving costs yourself (eg solicitor, stamp duty, surveyor) as well as the refurbishment costs, so if anyone is really thinking you're sitting pretty getting all his lovely rent money then you can remind them of that. But they won't be, so don't worry and congratulations on your new home!

Oh and please don't add him to the deeds too soon!! I hope you have long and happy lives together but it may not work out. Give yourself some time.

Original poster

WasabiNell · 19/11/2015 12:17

No Ty that sounds very sensible thanks. I'll just see how it goes... could be that we absolutely cannot live with each other and go back to our separate houses. Who knows!!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 19/11/2015 12:18

Also, if he buys his own place, he'll have half of yours and his! That's not fair at all.

magicstar1 · 19/11/2015 12:19

I'd split the bills and food with him down the middle. Then he should pay rent which you can use towards your mortgage. If you split up, he's not at any disadvantage as he would have been paying rent anyway. If you get married then he's entitled to half the house, and he's not at a disadvantage there either.

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