Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Misunderstanding about dd now I'm worried sick

73 replies

Wishful80smontage · 11/11/2015 10:09

Arranged that my dd would be looked after by my DM when I'm giving birth or any problems.
Its likely ill be hospitalised today due to preeclampsia. From discussions I'd assumed if this happened my DM would stay at my house as dd gets up most if night and my dh has to go work at 5.30am but she seemed surprised when I just said this and said we'll see I'll discuss it with your dh later. I'm stressing out now- dd will keep dh up all night if I'm not here then he has to drive a long way at 5.30 in morn its a new job too so he can't just take AL or time off really. Just annoyed I know probably assumed wrong but I'm worried sick about how this will pan out :(

OP posts:
CoffeeTwo · 11/11/2015 10:13

Is your DH not taking any paternity leave at all?

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 11/11/2015 10:20

Sorry about your situation. But are you expecting your mum to stay up all night with DD instead of DH?

Enjolrass · 11/11/2015 10:23

Paternity leave can't be taken until the baby is born, I thought.

How long until you are due? Are you likely to be in hospital until then?

I do think it's a bit much to expect your mum to have dd indefinitely.

It depends on how long this is likely to be.

DoJo · 11/11/2015 10:24

I think there is definitely an argument for keeping things as normal as possible when you go into hospital - my parents came and stayed at my house when I had my second and it meant that my husband could spend as much time with our oldest as possible which was really important when I was not there and it meant that he could do bedtimes etc which made things easier all round. Do you think your mum would be persuaded to do what is least unsettling for your daughter?

WhereYouLeftIt · 11/11/2015 10:24

Did she assume your DD would stay at her own house?

AngelicCurls · 11/11/2015 10:24

Could she mean that DD might stay at her house?

If not I'm sure when she realises that she might have to get to yours for 5.30 so your DH can leave for work will mean that she'll prefer to stay at yours anyway.

I assume your DH is saving his paternity for after the birth?

AngelicCurls · 11/11/2015 10:25

x-post there sorry!

StarlingMurmuration · 11/11/2015 10:25

How old is DD? Is there any chance your DP could try to sleep train her? Short term pain for long term gain.

I was hospitalised for suspected pre eclampsia, and I got released a week later with medication.... What's your due date?

TheWordOfBagheera · 11/11/2015 10:25

What will happen when you get out of hospital though? Surely you can't be getting up with a new baby and your DD?

Can your DH just go to bed at 7 or 8pm as a one-off to make sure he get's some rest? Or camp out on DD's floor? Or would you be expecting him at the hospital with you if your DM was with DD?

Try not to stress though, one or two awful nights is tough but manageable. They will figure something out, and as a last resort he could day a half-day sick or something perhaps? And make it up later even if he wants to make a good impression.

minipie · 11/11/2015 10:34

How old is DD and why does she wake up all night? Is sleep training an option?

Your DH will cope with a few days of not sleeping much - maybe he will have to go to bed as soon as DD is in bed to get enough sleep, maybe he will have to be late for work a bit (his employer should cut him some slack if he mentions hospitalised pregnant wife, I would hope) but he will cope.

But as Word says the real issue is when the baby comes home. You can't be up all night with a baby and with DD. That's why I'm asking about sleep training...

TurnWifiOn · 11/11/2015 10:45

I think your Mum is trying to tell you that she and your dh will be fine between them.

Try not to worry, they adults and will figures it out.

You need to focus on you right now

Prometheus · 11/11/2015 10:46

Sorry but your DH will just have to get up in the night. Working mums who have kids that don't sleep through have to do this. I'm sure your DH will get used to it.

manana21 · 11/11/2015 10:48

You're worrying too much too, whatever the situation with your DD not sleeping or where she sleeps, she's got 2 competent adults looking after her. Worrying isn't going to help you or the new baby so try and relax.

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/11/2015 10:51

Does your DM know she gets up all night it's unfair otherwise.

how old is she and what are you doing to tackle the sleep problem.

tonight is the least of your worries tbh of dh won't alternate waking with you. if you have just given birth surely you'd expect some help?

if you have the baby surely your dh gets PL?

Original poster
Wishful80smontage · 11/11/2015 10:58

I'm 35 weeks and likely to be hospitalised until I'm induced so at least 2 weeks if so. Dh can't take pat leave until baby born.
Dd gets up around 1 gets into bed with me and can toss and turn all noght

OP posts:
MumOnTheRunAgain · 11/11/2015 11:01

So where does your mum fit in?

AliceInUnderpants · 11/11/2015 11:02

Honestly, please try not to worry about it. Your DH and your mum will sort it out between them. If your mum is generous enough to offer to have your DD to help out, I doubt she would be unthinking enough to let it hugely affect your DHs job.

Good luck. Let us know when baby arrives Grin

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/11/2015 11:04

so were you assuming shed stay over and she's assuming she will come by in the morning?

minipie · 11/11/2015 11:06

Ok well that's not going to work when you have a new baby.

Honestly, this sounds like a good opportunity for DD to learn to sleep in her own bed - you will not be there so she will realise coming in with you is not an option and may accept it more readily.

Yes it will be tough on DD - but it would be worse if you wait till new baby is a few weeks old, you're desperate from lack of sleep and you then try to teach Dd to sleep in her own bed. Better for your DH to do it now.

TheWordOfBagheera · 11/11/2015 11:06

Well if she tends to wake up at 1am then your DH could get to bed nice and early and get a good chunk of sleep before she wakes. Not much fun, but fine in the short term.

Sounds like it's hard to hand over the reigns when you're used to dealing with nights, but it will be fine!

NoSquirrels · 11/11/2015 11:07

You won't be there to fix anything, so you just can't worry about it. Honestly. Your DH and your DM are adults, and they will cope with a little one between them. Perhaps your DM will take your DD to her house, instead of wanting to stay at ours. They'll figure it out. It's not ideal when you're working to be up at night with a little one, but they'll find a way. It may even be beneficial for your DD to have someone else look after her at night.

Take care of yourself and the baby. Rest up and let them cope between them! Flowers

Cloppysow · 11/11/2015 11:12

Actually it sounds like a pretty good opportunity for your dp to get your daughter out of bad habits.
I don't thinks its fair to expect your mum to have 2 weeks of broken sleep.

Lostcat2 · 11/11/2015 11:12

You need to concentrate on you love.

If you were my dd I would take your dd to my house and sleep train her for you.

Sometimes being right in a situation you can't see a way out and bring pregnant is obviously stressful in itself.

Your dd needs to learn to self sooth and sleep in her own bed as you will be in your knees getting up to her and the baby.

Honestly op cc saved my sanity when my oldest ds was like this and I did cc as pregnant with ds2.

Worked like magic. Try it.

diddl · 11/11/2015 11:19

If your husband is up & out by 5.30 it does seem likely that your mum was planning to have your daughter at hers.

Maybe I'm selfish but tbh I'd be expecting the parent to step up when there & that I'd be doing the looking after when they weren't there.

M4blues · 11/11/2015 11:23

You need to try and stay calm. If you have preeclampsia then you don't want to get yourself into a state of high anxiety.

I don't understand why you're expecting your mum to stay and get up in the night with your dd. how old is your DD? I understand your mum having her through the day if she's young and at home but surely it's up to your DH to get up in the night? Has he never got up with her? He cannot surely be expecting that you will deal with dd in the night when you've just given birth and are already up a lot with a newborn.
What do you/he think couple who both work do? They take turns and even As a sahm I would expect your DH to be helping you at 35wks pg.

You need to talk to your mum and sort out the confusion.