Misunderstanding about dd now I'm worried sick

[Wishful80smontage]

Arranged that my dd would be looked after by my DM when I'm giving birth or any problems.
Its likely ill be hospitalised today due to preeclampsia. From discussions I'd assumed if this happened my DM would stay at my house as dd gets up most if night and my dh has to go work at 5.30am but she seemed surprised when I just said this and said we'll see I'll discuss it with your dh later. I'm stressing out now- dd will keep dh up all night if I'm not here then he has to drive a long way at 5.30 in morn its a new job too so he can't just take AL or time off really. Just annoyed I know probably assumed wrong but I'm worried sick about how this will pan out :(

You know she tosses and turns and keeps you awake? I'd lay money your dh would sleep through the tossing turning! My dh always managed to

wishful try not to worry and let your mum and dh sort it out.

I would also recommend looking into your dd's sleep patterns once the dust settles. Our dd (an only until she was 9) came into our bed a lot and we got so used to it and never really tackled her sleep issues! It would have been easier when she was 2 but it rattled on for years.

Please try not to worry, your dd will cope and I am sure your mum will do a great job. She s young enough to me resilient (your dd) and make sure you show your mum you appreciate her efforts. My mum could not have done this for all the tea in China so although the situation is hard, it sounds like you have really good support.

Your DH is responsible for your DD, not your DM. If she's willing to help, you say 'thank you' and accept on HER terms! You sound very entitled OP.

Or her dh is very entitled, finally.

It's good that your mum has offered to have DD at hers. She is really going above and beyond for you all However I think DH needs to get used to not a lot of sleep! Leaving at 5.30 isn't that horrendous - perhaps it'd help to see the next year or so as you being on "maternity leave" and accept you may not be able to do it all for baby and DD.

All the best for your admission

Possibly. Either way, being annoyed with someone who is willing to put their life on hold to help you is completely unacceptable.

Ah, bless you, OP. It is a stressful time anyway, expecting DC2 and wondering how PFB will cope. And you have a DH with a very new job and a hospital stay to cope with. But it'll all be OK - your DM has looked after little ones before, your DH will learn some new multi-tasking skills and you will get the bed rest you need. Hopefully your DD can visit you in the day with your DM and that will ease your mind a bit.

More and some for you.

Finally that's a bit harsh. I would always help out my dds.

Still I think you are nurse maiding your dh. As said before 5.30 isn't that early at all. Loads of orople start their commute that early.

Cc is your life savour op. You don't need up be awake like this if your dd was in her own bed.

It sounds like a really good opportunity to sort your dds sleep out tbh. Even if that's your husband doing it at home and your mum coming in the morning first thing or your mum taking her to hers and doing it there.

Does she take anything to bed with her, like a bottle or dummy etc? Having a two year old in thrashing around every night and a newborn will have you like a walking zombie so it's a good opportunity for it to be resolved whilst you are in hospital.

Lost - is it though? I actually feel more strongly than I've expressed but I've toned it down because the OP is experiencing a challenging period.

I would always help my DC too, but I would hope that they appreciate my support and accept kindness for what it is, rather than being ungrateful and expecting more.

Yes of course I take your point but as you say think the op is just stressed here and let's face it we have all been there.

Yes, true. Fair point. I just feel very sorry for her DM who has stepped up in a way that OP's DH hasn't and now the OP is 'annoyed' with her lovely kind mum. That feels very unfair to me (and I struggle with injustice)! Still, it's OP's mother, I suppose she can treat her as she wishes! I'll get down off my high horse!!

Finallyonboard yes, I think that is harsh. I think the OP is pregnant and has suspected pre-eclampsia, her mum has offered to help her and her dh look after her grandchild. I am not sure what you think entitled is, but I don't think it's that! But I won't put the boot in as you are off your high horse!

I too have a huge interest in justice but I think this is more misunderstanding than injustice. Many grandparents may love to look after their grandkids and just not be asked. But 5 weeks is a long time.

She is worried and there seems to have been a misunderstanding about how things will be arranged while she is in hospital. I am sure it can be cleared up and I hope OP will accept how things play out. Although at her own home may be less stressful for the child being at Grandma's may be less stressful for the adult and stressed out adults don't mix well with young kids, so OP, please do trust your mums judgement if you think she is a good, safe person to look after your dd at your house, hopefully it will be the same at her houses.

I do not think you sound ungrateful, OP, I think you sound worried - and that will not help you.

You are lucky your mum has offered, I know my mum could not have done that for me and my dear in-laws in their 70s might have offered but may well have found it hard!

It'll be good practice for DH to get used to driving to work at 5.30am with little sleep, seeing as that will happen every day with a newborn...

Op I think some pp have been a little judgemental.

I think it's lovely that you obviously care so much about your dh and are trying to make sure he has enough sleep to drive at such an early hour. Driving sleep deprived is dangerous, and if possible I would make arrangement with my own family, as you are, to make sure no one I loved had to drive with so little sleep. Your dh nor you are 'entitled'.... Some people just have nothing nice to say

You are understandably stressed and worried and maybe can't see the wood for the trees, sounds to me like you've actually ended up with the ideal situation by accident with your mum taking Dd to hers.
Hope your stay in hospital too boring (or too exciting) and the baby arrives without too much drama.

Thank god for family willing to help, many arent as lucky

Thanks everyone Im not going to be admitted today after all that anyway but I do appreciate the comments and support. And I hope I don't come across as too much a ungrateful cow I really do appreciate my mum helping us out I know lots of other people don't get help like this.
Thanks :)

I don't think you come across as ungrateful, just anxious that everyone has misunderstood each other, which is totally understandable.

Great that you've avoided being hospitalised today, a big weight off your mind no doubt. Take it easy, and maybe start letting DH do a bit of nighttime stuff as a trial run for the birth (and after)...?

'5.30 isn't that early'

Maybe some people need more sleep than others I think as a working mum who has to get up at 5.30 to leave at 6.15 2-3 times a week for a long commute its bone crunchingly knackering, motorway in the rain for 50 miles. You need to be alert.

Good news that you have a reprieve for the time being

Great news you've not been hospitalised.

I agree that the adults will work it out, your DH might have to go to bed early or DD might end up staying at your mum's, but either way it'll be fine. TBH, I'm up several times a night with 5mo DS and sometimes I go to bed at 7:30pm when I put him down. It's not the end of the world and your DH might just need to do this to get enough sleep if he's tired.

I'd also suggest some gentle sleep training with your DD. We did shush/pat and gradual withdrawal to get our DD to settle and then rapid return when she got up in the night. She'd stand on the landing and shout or cry, so I'd lead her by the hand back into bed repeating the mantra "it's time for bed", tuck her in and leave. No chat, no eye contact. She got there after a few nights.

Try not to stress about what will happen if you go into hospital. It's happened to me a couple of times and tbh it's the one time I've thought to myself "Well it's all out of my hands now" and let other people worry about the details and you know what? It all got sorted out without my input.

Yes your DH has a new job with long hours but he's a big boy with family responsibilities which I assume he agreed to and wasn't forced into so he's just gonna have to step up and deal with it.

I think it's kind of you to think about your DH in all of this but in a few weeks time you are going to be home with a 2 year old and a new baby. DH is going to have to get up then anyway! So he might as well get used to having more disturbed sleep now, rather than in month's time. I'm also not sure how your mum staying in your house would help your DD's sleep situation? If she comes in your bed at 1 a.m., isn't she just going to do that anyway whether you are there or not? How is your mum going to prevent that? If she is attached to you and likely to kick off in the middle of the night without you, I don't think your mum is going to be able to manage that so your DH will have to help out.

5.30 is early and I've only ever done it for a 4wk stint but I just went to bed at 8.30 then at least I felt rested.

Op, glad you didn't need to be admitted. An 8.30 for both you and DH over the next few month would help you both cope better with the broken sleep.