Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Misunderstanding about dd now I'm worried sick

73 replies

Wishful80smontage · 11/11/2015 10:09

Arranged that my dd would be looked after by my DM when I'm giving birth or any problems.
Its likely ill be hospitalised today due to preeclampsia. From discussions I'd assumed if this happened my DM would stay at my house as dd gets up most if night and my dh has to go work at 5.30am but she seemed surprised when I just said this and said we'll see I'll discuss it with your dh later. I'm stressing out now- dd will keep dh up all night if I'm not here then he has to drive a long way at 5.30 in morn its a new job too so he can't just take AL or time off really. Just annoyed I know probably assumed wrong but I'm worried sick about how this will pan out :(

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 11/11/2015 11:24

The adults will cope between them

Kids are very resilient so your DD will cope too Thanks

LoveAnchor · 11/11/2015 11:27

I know I'd be sweating over this if I were in your position, but from the sidelines it doesn't look like something major. Some disruption, yes, but two adults will find a way to cope with one child for a few weeks, I would have thought. Leave it to them to decide the best way.

Jhm9rhs · 11/11/2015 11:29

I'm not surprised it didn't occur to your mum that she'd be expected to stay the night. It's brilliant that she'll look after your daughter in the daytime...your DH will make the nights work, it's his responsibility at the minute and it's what most parents do until they are able/willing to sort out sleep issues. Try to relax and leave it with him.

diddl · 11/11/2015 11:36

What surprised your mum?

That you thought she would stay over or that you thought she would get up for your daughter?

I agree that it really is for your husband & her to sort out.

Perhaps he was expecting her to turn up at 5.30 or she is expecting him to drop yourdaughter off.

Either way, a 5.30 start is a bloody big ask imo.

reni2 · 11/11/2015 11:44

I would leave your dh and dm to sort it. If you're lucky they will train her to sleep. or at least stay in her own bed until 6

OddBoots · 11/11/2015 11:48

Worst case your dh can go to bed at the same time your dd does, it would be an early night for him but it will mean he gets enough sleep - he may not even need to do that every night to cope.

NerrSnerr · 11/11/2015 12:01

If your in hospital can your husband take carers leave? What will happen when you're caring for the newborn and he's back at work. I think he needs to deal with her as he'll be the one doing it in the coming months.

Original poster
Wishful80smontage · 11/11/2015 12:15

He does help out but given hes just started a new job, he needs to leave the house so early and he's working long hours I do the bed time side of things. Dd will stay at my mums now I think which I didn't want but I wasn't expecting to be in hosp weeks before the baby so needs must. Thanks all

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 11/11/2015 12:18

Did your Mum say she would be looking after DD while you were in hospital? How long is that expected to be? Does she think this means in the day while your dh is at work? Would he be able to drop dd off at 5.30am? (would she prefer to stay at yours and sleep with dd and get a longer sleep?)

Last yar when ds2 was born i was in hospital for 6 weeks and ds1 only slept with someone in the big bed. It was very stressful organising it all between Mum coming over, taking time off work and sleeping with ds1 and dh having time off work on the days she couldn't do it. Especially when you are in hospital and powerless. You have my sympathy. I was so worried about ds1 i could hardly think about me or the baby.

Ds1 is 3.2 and still only sleeps with us as does 1.2 yo ds2 - it's a total nightmare! Flowers

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 11/11/2015 12:21

Worried sick? That your DH may not get enough sleep? That DD might learn to stay in her own bed? That DD might spend two weeks at her grandmothers? [you don't mention that she's going to lock her under the stairs and refuse cbeebies]

None of those things sound horrendous to me. They will cope fine.

MrsKoala · 11/11/2015 12:25

i must say i didn't really worry about DH getting enough any sleep. It's something we both have had to cope with! I did worry that ds1 would be worried and frightened and not understand where mummy had gone as he was only 2. Have i missed how old your dd is? Is she old enough to understand where you are?

Seriouslyffs · 11/11/2015 12:26
Flowers Look after yourself
LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 11/11/2015 12:30

Flowers it will be OK OP. Your mum and your dh will work something out between them.

Original poster
Wishful80smontage · 11/11/2015 12:32

I'm worried about being away from dd- never spent a night apart and I'm a sahm so we're basically together all the time. She (and I) will be fretting.
Regarding dh- this job has nearly doubled his salary- he's just started its all our best interests he's performing well during this settling in period- yes I know it wasn't ideal he took a job just before baby was due but we thought we'd have another 5-6 weeks and it was an opportunity he couldn't pass up.

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 11/11/2015 12:32

How old is your DD?

Original poster
Wishful80smontage · 11/11/2015 12:33

Thanks for the support and flowers :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Wishful80smontage · 11/11/2015 12:33

Dd is 2

OP posts:
diddl · 11/11/2015 12:40

Isn't it better for her to be at your mums?

Your husband can sleep & your mum won't have to be up at 5.30!

MrsKoala · 11/11/2015 12:42

They will work it out OP. They really will. Mine did and we all lived. It was bloody hard but DS1 adapted well. He cried a bit and called the hospital 'mummies new house' for a while. But a year later he can't really remember anything apart from 'mummy stayed at the hostable and i missed her'.

Try to concentrate on yourself and the baby.

MrsKoala · 11/11/2015 12:44

Agree with Diddl, i think at your mums sounds good, she wont miss you from her usual routine of being at home. It will be a little holiday at nannies and your mum can get more sleep and dh can go to work at 5.30. I would have preferred ds1 to go to my mums i think but it wasn't possible.

Does your mum live near enough to visit you with DD?

TheWordOfBagheera · 11/11/2015 12:44

How about getting him to go into her now to get her used to the idea that's it not always you in the night? Might make your hospital stay less anxious knowing that she's already getting used to it being your DH going in?

Ultimately though, it's going to be FINE Flowers. As a pp said, hard to fathom how it'll work when you're in the midst of it, but as an outsider you can see that it just can't go that wrong. Your DD will be fine! You could even get her a new 'special' teddy for her bed and tell her to cuddle it whenever she misses you and you are in hospital?

IndridCold · 11/11/2015 12:52

If it's any consolation OP, when my DM was expecting my DB I was packed off to stay with met DGM. DB was 10 days late Hmm, and I had the most brilliant time.

It will be fine, please try not to worry!

Griphook · 11/11/2015 12:52

It's hard when you have little control over things. Ds is better at yours mums. Dh can visit her/cook/put her to bed at your mums then go home and sleep.

ginnybag · 11/11/2015 12:53

Not to add fuel to the fire, but has your DH checked his Pat Leave with his new employer? If he's literally just changed jobs, he may not be entitled to it, and he may not have built Leave up yet.

I'm not trying to make things worse, but equally, I don't want you counting on something that may not happen.

I would expect that your Mum will either have to stay at yours, or your DD will be going to hers. If it's likely to be weeks, she will probably want her at hers during the week and home with your DH at the weekends

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 11/11/2015 12:53

I agree with others.

Your dp will have to get up with your daughter when baby comes along. You won't be able to do both this and care for new baby, and you mum can't stay forever. It's not her job to have the broken night really, it's your dp's.

But they will certainly cope between them. There will be two adults around for one child. There is no need for you to be worried sick. You concentrate on having your baby.

Also, it sounds like your DD needs a bit of sleep training. Neither you nor dp should be up all night as a matter of routine with her. Both of you will have work the next day - him outside the home, you with baby. Neither of you can function with continuously getting no sleep any more than the other.

Really hope it all goes well for you today. Flowers