To think either cancel or don't cancel, but don't dither!

[Francoitalialan]

Arranged dinner and drinks with three girlfriends, at mine, for tonight. Started prepping yesterday, bought most of the stuff and yet at lunchtime today got a message from one saying she "wasn't sure" if she was going to make it as she was feeling a bit fluey, and anyway her elderly mother who lives with them, was also under the weather but she would let me know.

And I've just come out of the shop loaded with wines and got a call from another one saying her DP wanted to go out for a drink tonight and she didn't have a babysitter if he didn't come home and she was going to phone round and let me know.

It's nearly 5pm and I don't know whether to start cooking, or sack it off and cancel the one remaining guest and drink all the booze myself!!!

YANBU. Text them that last sentence.

I agree with Jennifer actually - I would text then your last sentence.

That's just inconsiderate!

YANBU, I'd ask them to confirm what they're doing. And yes more or less use your last sentence.

I'll come! If you have a bedroom with a TV where I can stash grumpy children and lots of wine

The one whose partner wants to go for a drink needs sacking off permanently in my opinion.

It's bloody shabby isn't it?

The one who's DP is going out for a drink has just tried my next door neighbour for babysitting. Bit bloody late for a Saturday night.
The one who was starting to flake at lunchtime isn't replying to messages. FFS. Am going to cancel.

Stealth yeah! Tooled up with computer games and bean bags for the kids, let's get shitted.

Hmm not keen on computer games, I'll just have extra wine thanks

AW, don't cancel - what about the poor old friend who hasn't dithered? They will be looking forward to seeing you, and might have arranged sitters etc.

You have food and wine, you can have a nice evening with that friend anyway.

Why not go ahead with friend who is still up for it! I bet sick friend is leaving it as late as possible so she can try and come. I'd be cross with other friend.

Ps I'll also come. Getting shitted sounds brill.

YANBU but I'd go ahead with remaining guest and have a lovely time with your food and wine

Texted remaining friend (who is more of a friend of the other two) to say that the other two were most likely not going to make it but I'd be delighted if she came or we could leave it for another night when everyone is available. She sent a v nice message back saying let's leave it till there's a few more, and she had had a long week at work.

You will probably find the other two turn up now- but at least friend 3 was considerate enough to make a big effort-friend 2 was trying to sort a sitter and her DH being an arse is probably a bit beyond her control- friend 1 may have gone to bed with the flu and not woken up yet

It is pissy when stuff like that happens but hopefully they aren't complete wasters in the friends stakes and it was genuinely out of their hands

Don't cancel have fun with other friend.

Feel sorry for friend whose DP is so selfish he pushes out her plans to suit himself.

Also feel sorry that she puts up with it.

Ignore the flake.

Xpost.

Shame you had to cancel but good that you have lots of food and alcohol to enjoy tonight.

This is what happens whenever I organise social gatherings...

Given up now.

Have about two "real" friends left where I live now, but at least know they will come when they say they will!

this would drive me mad. flakey friends! don't blame you OP

That is utterly shit. I have a friend who does stuff like this and it drives me insane. I actually don't really trust her much if I'm honest based on how she behaves when she's asked to do something. Always cancels last minute. I'd text them and say you're disappointed

Shame you had to cancel though.

That's so rude and inconsiderate. Have you sent a text to dithery friends?

I hate being PA so I'd have had to be 'honest'

I feel for anyone with a genuine reason to cancel - but then cancel! Don't dither! It's the "maybe" that's pissed me off!

Did they actually get back to you to say yes or no? How can they not have considered that you'd already have shopped for dinner?

I've got a friend who was like this. Planted a warning about sore throat/sick pet/suddenly visiting relative etc etc a couple of days before and cancelld on the day. It last happened a few years ago - when the nonsense started on the Tuesday (we had plans for Friday) I told her that if she was gearing up to cancelling, I'd prefer her to be upfront so that I didn't waste time sorting childcare. She got the message. Since she's had her own baby, she hasn't done it, in fairness.

Friend #2 needs to have a word with her OH, OP. What a doormat!

My thoughts exactly.

Fluey friend didn't get back to me at all. She's read my forget it, it's cancelled message but said nothing. The one with the DP it transpires had a heavy night Last night (thank you Facebook) and her chap fancied a pint at the last minute so she didn't know if she'd make it unless she found a babysitter. It got to 6 o,clock and I thought well screw this and contacted remaining friend.

And am now tucking into very beautiful smoked salmon, washed down with a lovely chilled Chablis. My amuse-bouche are safely frozen as is the superb sorbet. The beef Wellington will be feeding my sister and her new boyfriend tomorrow, and I never got to put together the tarte tatin.
I'm pretty handy in the kitchen and it's their loss. Nom.