Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think either cancel or don't cancel, but don't dither!

76 replies

Francoitalialan · 10/10/2015 16:41

Arranged dinner and drinks with three girlfriends, at mine, for tonight. Started prepping yesterday, bought most of the stuff and yet at lunchtime today got a message from one saying she "wasn't sure" if she was going to make it as she was feeling a bit fluey, and anyway her elderly mother who lives with them, was also under the weather but she would let me know.

And I've just come out of the shop loaded with wines and got a call from another one saying her DP wanted to go out for a drink tonight and she didn't have a babysitter if he didn't come home and she was going to phone round and let me know.

It's nearly 5pm and I don't know whether to start cooking, or sack it off and cancel the one remaining guest and drink all the booze myself!!!

OP posts:

Fatmomma99 · 10/10/2015 20:42

How bloody rude of them, and what a gorgeous menu. Can I be your friend?

honeyroar · 10/10/2015 20:48

How bloody rude of them. It sounds like you'd gone to a lot of trouble to do lovely food. More fool them. I wouldn't be inviting them back. Save it for real freeness with manners who appreciate you.

CrapBag · 10/10/2015 20:58

Very rude! Why couldn't friend 2 say "uh no DP,mine got plans for tonight, you sort a sitter or stay in" not bloody difficult.

Friend 1, hard to say really, she may genuinely be ill.

Original poster

Francoitalialan · 10/10/2015 21:09

Yes crapbag. My DH said "you'd never let me get away with that!"

Flu-friend is well enough to read her messages but apparently too unwell to reply.

Am due to see them on Tuesday.
I feel like this --->

OP posts:

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 10/10/2015 21:36

Cancel an hour beforehand...

GreyBird84 · 10/10/2015 22:13

Flakey friends are the worst OP - a 'friend' cancelled a spa day on me the night before this week because of £. Booked 3 months ago. Lost deposit & also messed my parents about as I had them arranged for childcare. I won't be organising anything with her again.

So you have my sympathy! I don't think I wud be meeting them on Tuesday if I were you.

DoveCazzoEIlMioCaffe · 10/10/2015 22:17

I think you sound very reasonable in the face of 2 out of 3 of your friends being complete flakes! And rude flakes at that!

thenightsky · 10/10/2015 22:26

I'd be tempted to not turn up on Tuesday to be honest. Cancel by text half an hour prior to meeting time due to 'feeling flu'ish and your OH having a fancy of a pint'.

honeyroar · 10/10/2015 22:46

No, cancel half an hour before and say, "sorry but I'm still annoyed about having bought ingredients and wine for a lovely meal that you both ditched me on at the last minute".

CremeEggThief · 10/10/2015 22:51

What honeyroar said, but leave out the sorry.

orlakielyimnot · 10/10/2015 23:01

Ooh. I had a friend who did this loads, always the warning/dithering text. I moved her to school night plans only so I wouldn't mind when she cancelled. Friendship ended when she cancelled a spa booking. I suggested she pay for my cancellation as well. She did and then dumped me. It's for the best. I don't mind being dumped under these circumstances but (irrationally) would have felt bad being the dumper.

expatinscotland · 10/10/2015 23:07

I dump flakey people. I wouldn't bother turning up on Tuesday, either. Cancel half an hour before with 'something came up'.

Original poster

Francoitalialan · 10/10/2015 23:36

We do a class together which is how we know each other. So if have to miss the class. I shall go and be charming and aloof I think.

OP posts:

BeanGirls · 11/10/2015 11:34

Yanbu that would drive me crazy!

laffymeal · 11/10/2015 11:51

This nonsense gets my goat more than anything else in modern life, I think mobile phones have given flakers a great way to piss people about. Now when anyone starts dithering with me I'm very direct and say "look, are you coming or not" and when people start the "laying the land" type crap a few days before with texts saying "got a bit of a gippy tummy/sore throat" I make sure they know I'm aware it hasn't stopped them doing x amount of other stuff and I'm not some mug they can bin off for a better offer.

whois · 11/10/2015 11:55

Their loss but so so SO rude.

I feel really strongly that once you've accepted an invite you go the the event. Unless you're actually sick or have a genuine emergency.

Going out the night before and being a bit hungover is not a good reason to cancel.

Doobigetta · 11/10/2015 11:57

That's really crap, OP, sorry to hear your friends are so rude. I hate the way so many people do that. I'm another who would cancel at the last minute on Tuesday.

mateysmum · 11/10/2015 12:00

This sort of behaviour drives me insane. It was really prevalent in the middle east when we were expats. Here if a "friend" did this more than once I would think twice about keeping up the friendship. It's just downright bad manners and says that they don't really value you or the effort you have gone to.

Original poster

Francoitalialan · 11/10/2015 12:04

One of them has sent me a message saying "What's up?"

She knows perfectly well what's up and I really can't be bothered to engage. I'm not even angry, just disappointed as I thought they were "better" people than that.
Anyway, I won't forget it.

The roast beef looks great and I'm doing it with honey roast parsnip and almond, green beans from my garden in a piri piri dressing (sounds dodgy but it's very mild and brings out the flavour well) and lyonnaise potatoes.

OP posts:

Original poster

Francoitalialan · 11/10/2015 12:05

How do you handle it gracefully? I'm just going to have to suck it up!

OP posts:

sodabreadjam · 11/10/2015 12:09

Disgusting behaviour from your "friends".

There was a thread recently from a poster who was celebrating a milestone birthday. She didn't want a big party as it wasn't her style, but several of friends coaxed her into it - "go on, you must have party!" etc.

So she organised a party at her home, was making all the preparations, event set up on Facebook to track RSVPs, etc. Her DCs were really excited for her. Then about 48 hours before, most of the friends who had encouraged her to have the party dropped out - same sort of excuses - "flu", childcare, transport. In the end, she had what she wanted in the first place - a day out with her family. And she tackled some of the "friends" head on. Good for her.

There were some really tragic stories on that thread - e.g. 21st birthday where hardly anyone turned up - and a lot of debate about the role of social media in the selfishness and flakiness that prevalent today.

ThatsDissapointing · 11/10/2015 12:13

I agree that there is no need to get into long discussions about this but I don't see any harm in an honest reply. It's hard to know how you would want to aim it but how about something like this. It's not PA and it's not rude but let's them know you are a bit pissed off. It also doesn't invite further discussion.

Hi, I was just a bit disappointed about having to cancel yesterday at such short notice especially as I had got all the food ready. I know stuff happens but it would have been better if I had had more notice that people weren't coming. Oh well, onwards and upwards. :-(

See you on Tuesday.

laffymeal · 11/10/2015 12:13

You are better being direct. Say that you spent a good while shopping for a carefully planned menu only for no one to be gracious enough to turn up and eat it, consequently you are a tad pissed off. That's "what's up".

Original poster

Francoitalialan · 11/10/2015 12:16

I saw that thread, it was horrible and I felt for her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Francoitalialan · 11/10/2015 12:18

Sorry cross posted.

Yes perhaps you're right in being direct. [wibble]

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4