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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is going to be the journey from hell....

86 replies

missmakesstuff · 09/08/2015 22:16

Next week we (me, dh, dd, 5 and ds 4.5 months) have to drive to the in laws. In Ireland. We booked the trip months ago, it seemed like a good idea at the time..

Ds now screams every moment he's in his car seat. He sleeps for 30 mins max at a time, which is ok during the day around the house etc, but as soon as he wakes in the car seat he screams bloody murder..

It's a 5 hr journey to Pembroke then a journey across Ireland to kerry the next day. Weve tried everything but a journey of an hour today was him sleeping for 30 mins, screaming the rest, dd moaning about the noise and me practically crying as I can't listen to him screaming without it just really getting to me. I'm the driver, dh can't. He can sit in the back, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. We're leaving 7 hours + to allow for stops at every services, he has toys, he has music flashing lights machine....it's still going to be hideous isn't it? I want to cry...

OP posts:
Original poster
missmakesstuff · 09/08/2015 22:23

Oh, and yes I know it's not really an aibu..my aibu is though, we have a 0- 4 years retracing seat, it's a besafe izi kid, it states from 6 months, has a weight range of 0+ but ds is on the 98th centile and very strong/sturdy...would we aibu to try that one? I wonder if he is uncomfortable in the maxi cosi? I'm loathe to try it but I feel unsafe driving with him creating hell in the back....

OP posts:
ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 09/08/2015 22:24

Can someone sit next to him? My DS is much happier if he has me wittering away at him in the back.

longestlurkerever · 09/08/2015 22:26

Is it possible to set off at bedtime?

AliceScarlett · 09/08/2015 22:27

I'd drive through the night.

gatorgolf · 09/08/2015 22:31

If op has a ferry booked tho times may not work out with driving thru the night

KevinKnowsImMiserableNow · 09/08/2015 22:33

Train?

PippaPug · 09/08/2015 22:35

Can your DH sit next to him and put his hand on baby's head and arm across baby's body? I have found this has helped a few babies who get vey worked up?

What about a musical keyboard on the seat of the car seat with the baby is in - so baby can kick and play noise - works well as also some have flashing lights?

Cd's which you can sing (very loudly!) at?

Ear plugs Wink

greenfolder · 09/08/2015 22:37

Try the other car seat!

Duckstar · 09/08/2015 22:37

My eldest DS was a screamer. Only option that worked was to drive at night/very early in morning. Could you drive in the evening/night stay in Pembroke? Or drive a couple of hours stay at a Travelodge and then drive again very early?

My DS does get travel sick now and I often wondered if being rear facing (which I know for safety reasons is essential) made him feel unwell.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 09/08/2015 22:41

What time is your ferry? Could you leave at bed time and drive for 3 hours and stop overnight to hopefully get you most of the way there?

SonjasSister · 09/08/2015 22:43

I'm ashamed to say when dd was 4 months and doing the same, we had a long drive to a family wedding and she spent a fait bit of it on my lap Shock. But we suspected it was the lying back/ not being able to see where she was going that freaked her out - plenty of room in seat for her as she was little, but she generally did not like the indignity of being a baby! What a relief when she could walk and talk.

I couldn't recommend you do what we did obviously - nor do I have a clue about what age/size is safe in what seat. But it does sound as though you have a similar baby!

TheSkiingGardener · 09/08/2015 22:46

Oh god. DS2 was like that. We did a 2 hour journey once and it was hell. Pure hell. I still remember the buttock clenching awfulness. Try the other seat, do anything you can.

lemoncordial · 10/08/2015 01:44

My dd is like that, fortunately we don't have to drive very often. On the last journey I sat next to her and held a tablet so she could watch baby tv programmes.

Minicaters · 10/08/2015 01:57

I can't tell you it's safe but I would try the other seat. I had a screamer too and just the idea of driving with her then brings me out in a sweat. I sincerely believe a screaming baby is a serious safety issue because it shatters the driver's concentration. In all seriousness, earplugs are actually not a bad suggestion.

DD was magically cured the day we put her into a FF seat. She did go on to have carsickness and I do wonder if that was related.

Night driving is a good idea, and if I were your DP I would be trying to get him to suck on my finger, dummy, anything. Get one off those spinning light up toys or an app that does something similar. Or postpone the trip. This WILL pass.

Original poster
missmakesstuff · 10/08/2015 08:18

Thanks all..the ferry is booked for midday, so we plan to leave very early, hoping his overtiredness won't be at its peak then so he might sleep. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea, we did the same trip with dd a few years ago and it was hell, we drove overnight, she didn't sleep, neither did I and we had to stop every hour nearly...
Train isn't an option, not where we are going arse end of nowhere
The lights thingamabob he has now does seem to distract, maybe I can try a new one.
Dh will sit with him, dd in front with me, we've tried both but it didn't make much difference.
It's just such an emotional reaction I have to his crying, he is such a happy baby but when we finally got him out of the seat yesterday after sitting in traffic he was a gibbering red wreck, I hate it. Took him forever to get to sleep that evening too.
I'm not sure about the other seat, I think it's more upright and it's definitely higher. It is I think as sonja says, the indignity of not being able to move yet, he hates being laid down, much prefers being upright.

OP posts:
Original poster
missmakesstuff · 10/08/2015 08:21

Oh yeah, and he's wise to the dummy now. It's stopped being magical, he just spits it out or chews it. That used to be the last weapon, if boob wasn't available. I'd seriously consider research into getting dh to grow a pair and start lactating if I thought we had enough time for the hormones to work...

OP posts:
hiccupgirl · 10/08/2015 08:25

I would def try the other seat and see if being more upright helps.

Also can you try him in the front with you with the airbag off? My DS was a screamer if he couldn't see anyone so when I had to travel with him on my own, I had him in the front so he could see me and I could at least hold his hand. Not the best solution but like you, I got incredibly distressed listening to him scream and I was safer driving with him the front and calmer than screaming in the back.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/08/2015 08:25

I know this is no use for you this time but does DH not drive for medical reasons or becuase he's not learned? If it's the latter, he needs to - soon!

Good luck! Hope it goes OK

christinarossetti · 10/08/2015 08:29

I would definitely try ear plugs, and having dh in the back so that you're focusing on driving and it's his job to soothe ds.

Pixel · 10/08/2015 08:34

Poor you, ds is 15 now but I still remember him screaming all the way from minehead to Chichester and he was forward facing. We did eventually find out that he quite liked travelling in the dark. He still didn't sleep but he maybe liked the lights or something.

sneepy · 10/08/2015 08:35

How much more would it cost to just fly there? We had a driving holiday booked this summer but all the kerfuffle at Calais made us look at flights instead. We flew near the destination and rented a car there--it ended up being about £200 more and -£1m of stress. I'm a bit of a wimp but I'd never do a long car journey with a screamer. At least in a flight you can bounce them around.

Chillipowderpuff · 10/08/2015 08:38

Definitely try the other car seat. My DS was like this in his rear facing seat, and no amount of soothing, playing etc would help. We had hours of screaming in the car and it is awful so I know how you feel. We put him in the forward facing seat as soon as we were able and he stopped crying straight away!

BertieBotts · 10/08/2015 08:39

I think the IZI would be alright. 6 months is not a weight class so it's not a legal minimum and it's a rear facing seat so it wouldn't be unsafe. It's likely to be to do with the angle of it which if he can sit with support should not be a problem.

Check the harness does up properly on him and try it out.

Chillipowderpuff · 10/08/2015 08:40

I remember one long journey we went on was so bad, that I got DH to drop us at a train station and I got the train with DS and met DH at home !!

BertieBotts · 10/08/2015 08:41

Yep as I thought. This from the manual:

We recommend that this seat is used only for children who can
sit upright, so not younger than 6 months

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