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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have a special outing for just DS and I?

58 replies

milkmilklemonade12 · 08/08/2015 21:07

We have 1 DC, who is DS aged 4. I really want to take him to the children's afternoon tea at Claridges (we live in London) and have it as 'our' special thing that only we do. I hoped we could do it throughout his childhood as 'our' thing and hopefully he'll join me when he's older too, as my companion. It's something I've always wanted to do before children. He's fab conversation for such a little thing, and we have a really fine time in general when we're out and about.

However, I wonder how DH might feel and whether it looks like I'm intentionally leaving him out and being mean. He's quite an inclusive person, and always books me tickets when we go to Chelsea, even though I really don't want to go.

AIBU? Am I being a bit childish and just include DH as well and forget the 'just milk and minimilk tea club'?

OP posts:
ReluctantCamper · 08/08/2015 21:13

Sorry, I think you are BU. your husband is your companion, your DS is your child. I guess ask your DH if he wants to come, but I think my first instinct would be to include him. I'd be sad if my DH booked to do something super fun with our sons and said I couldn't come.

Hope you have a nice time.

Hellionandfriends · 08/08/2015 21:16

I think its fine. Maybe your Dh can also arrange a special thing seperatly too?

ouryve · 08/08/2015 21:16

I'm sure you'll have plenty of chance to do things that are just you in future school holidays, anyhow. It's not like there's never going to be days when just milk and minimilk are home without Mr Milk.

I took DS1 out for lunch, today. DS2 and DH did their own thing.

StetsonsAreCool · 08/08/2015 21:18

I think that's a lovely idea. I do things that are just for me and DD. DH and DD have things that they only do together - bug hunting and photos.

We also do plenty together as a family, but it's nice to have one on one time away from everyone else. We'll do the same with DS when he's older too (only 7mo).

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 08/08/2015 21:19

I would go for it! If DH wants special boy time, footy match, cricket, etc he can do that. Having tea and cake... not so much. Enjoy. (Some people are over attached to the whole family thing.. you can be a family, you can be a couple and you can be mother and son)

ImperialBlether · 08/08/2015 21:20

It seems really odd, the way you talk about your son. You hope he'll join you as a companion?

If I were your husband I would be hurt if you said you wanted to do something lovely with your son but would prefer it if he wasn't there.

firsttimekat · 08/08/2015 21:21

I think it sounds like a lovely idea. I think it's good to have some time one on one with kids and nice to create a special tradition. If you were suggesting every week that might be different but I can't see a problem with it. Presumably his dad could also do something with him one on one another time that was their thing. Do it! I think I might even borrow the idea.

Original poster
milkmilklemonade12 · 08/08/2015 21:22

Well yes I hope that when he's older that he'll still want to accompany me to these sorts of things... as a companion. What's wrong with that? And in the mean time, I think it's probably quite nice that I enjoy his company Grin

Yes I don't want DH to feel left out, but we are together as a family quite a lot (we have a business together), so it's not often just DS and I.

OP posts:
Original poster
milkmilklemonade12 · 08/08/2015 21:25

And no, it's a bit expensive for every week! I thought perhaps for Easter and birthdays or something like that.

I suppose I look back now and because my mum was so afraid of offending my dad and leaving him out (he could be a bit controlling at times really), we never had any time just us, or special things that we did. So I don't know whether I'm transferring that slight regret onto the here and now, or whether it's a valid thing to want to do you know?

OP posts:
Sootgremlin · 08/08/2015 21:26

I don't think yabu, if you discuss it with your dh and he's agreeable. Presumably over time your dh will have something special to do with your ds that doesn't include you - playing to stereotypes for the sake of argument, but they might go to the football every Saturday, or take up a hobby or sport together when he's older - how is this any different?

I have 2 children, and since the second came along I've regularly made time for one on one activities with my 4 year old. We go to the cinema together or the theatre usually.

The only thing is that my activity is a somewhat moveable feast - the focus is on it just being the two of us, so it can be something different to that; equally we can go to the cinema etc with dh/little sis as well. Your thing is a bit more exclusive which may be a problem if your dh has a fondness for afternoon tea.

bringthenoise · 08/08/2015 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blacktreaclecat · 08/08/2015 21:28

I don't see a problem with it, if it's once or twice a year. It sounds lovely actually.
I love spending time with DS (3), just the 2 of us. He's my fab little sidekick :)

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 08/08/2015 21:29

Hes your chance, I sometimes take DD for a milkshake... she thinks its a real treat. No claridges here! Her dad knows, hes a grown up, and knows that its important to do just us things`. He takes her to town for pancakes... Your hubby will enjoy the peace.

TheTortoiseAteMyHomework · 08/08/2015 21:32

Me! It's me.

I take my charges out separately for 'nanny and x time'. I don't see the problem in having your own special place/time. I'm sure your dh could do the same.

Mrsjayy · 08/08/2015 21:32

I have always taken my dds out on their own even before dd1 id have a day out with her dh used to take them out on their own too 1 hill walking another fishing,I dont see why you shouldnt take him out and find a thing to do.

Mrsjayy · 08/08/2015 21:34

Claridges sounds lovely can i come

blacktreaclecat · 08/08/2015 21:41

Might steal this idea actually, DS loves cake. Will leave it another year until he can sit still for a bit longer. Found a place locally (Rudding Park) that does a childrens' afternoon tea.

cathpip · 08/08/2015 21:45

black I got married at Rudding Park, didn't know they did childrens afternoon tea, may just have to go as the food is amazing!

Shockers · 09/08/2015 06:16

We do lots together as a family, but I have always had holidays and days out with just DS.

DD has SN, and takes a lot of my energy, so I like to have times when DS gets my full attention.

We usually do something active, like a bike ride; we are doing an 100 mile ride in a few weeks time, we also learnt to sail together. Sometimes we do a YHA weekend and go walking.

He is a great companion!

The point is though, my DH is supportive of this and doesn't feel left out. They have lots in common too, like football, rugby, cricket...

Talk to your DH and see how he feels, OP.

VashtaNerada · 09/08/2015 06:28

I think it sounds like a great idea. I deliberately try to have some time with each DC individually every so often, I think that's important. I think it would only be a problem if you never did anything as a family.
Be warned, though, he's still young so may grow up to not enjoy afternoon tea (or football for that matter) so you may need to adjust what it is you do together when he's older. Hopefully it will be fine but probably best to take it one year at a time rather than being disappointed if it doesn't work out long-term.

VashtaNerada · 09/08/2015 06:32

Actually, a slight caveat might be if your DH loves afternoon tea and it's been something special you've done together in the past - in which case I'd talk to him.

MrsMook · 09/08/2015 06:40

Sounds fine to me.

Last year I took Ds1 out of nursery for the day, still taking Ds2 in so that the two of us could go to a children's theme park. We could have gone as a family of 4, but Ds2 was too little to really get much out of it.

In the last week before Ds1 starts school I'm going to take him out on a couple of trips while Ds2 is still in nursery; he'll still have a lovely day.

It's good to balance a mix of different activities and relationships within the family.

Squitten · 09/08/2015 06:42

I try to do something with my older DSs from time to time during school hols. It's great to be able to have some 1-on-1 time with each of them doing something they really want to do. I have taken DS1 to see the Tower of London and we went on a boat trip during our recent holiday. I took DS2 to lunch and a show.

DH is not bothered a bit. He tends to take both boys to do stuff. They have been camping and are going to an air show this month. We do plenty all together and DD is a toddler so there's a lot she can't do.

Ask your DH and see what he says!

NerrSnerr · 09/08/2015 06:53

YANBU about wanting to do this but YABU for not talking to your husband first.

Strawberryfield12 · 09/08/2015 07:19

DD is 8 months old and DH has few times asked if we would have SPA breaks etc together when she grows up. So the concept of you and DS having one to one time together should not be a problem. The only sensitive thing could be about what exactly you do. If your family can afford to go to Michelin starred restaurants etc without breaking the bank then Claridges few times a year shouldn't cause problems with DH?
All in all its a lovely idea! I am on mat leave till end of year so doing things just two of us happens most of time while DH works. We have even gon abroad (DH joining later for a weekend) and will be going again in September. Hope it all works out!

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