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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To accept bad table manners in an 11 month old

103 replies

LionRichie · 02/08/2015 11:23

DM has invited us over for dinner but has made it very clear that 'her majesty' (referring to my 'spoilt' 11mo DD) must not throw any food on the carpet.

DD's method of eating is not pretty. It usually involves her picking up fistfuls of food and slamming them into her own face. Some goes in her mouth, most doesn't. DM thinks she should be eating nicely with a bowl and spoon by now, and says I let her get away with too much by not ending mealtimes immediately if she throws anything on the floor.

AIBU to tell DM that I'll bring a plastic sheet and clean up, or do people really expect more from their babies in terms of table manners?

OP posts:
thetroubleis · 02/08/2015 11:25

Oh my days.

I'd tell your DM you can't go as you can't guarantee there won't be any mess.

Other than that, if you must go YANBU to take the sheet.

whathaveiforgottentoday · 02/08/2015 11:26

Good luck trying to get an 11 month old eating nicely. Your Mil is bonkers. Take a plastic sheet as you suggested.

missmargot · 02/08/2015 11:27

Just checking that your DD is 11 months and not 11 years? If so then you YANBU and your mother is being ridiculous. If that was my mother's attitude then we would not be going round for dinner any time soon.

gamerchick · 02/08/2015 11:27

I wouldn't go. There shouldn't be stress on Sunday's.

eurochick · 02/08/2015 11:27

She's being ridiculous. Tell her your baby is learning an important lesson about Gravity!

Gunpowder · 02/08/2015 11:27

YANBU. She's 11months, of course her table manners aren't perfect. Your mum is NBU to not want her carpet spoiled but the plastic sheet sounds like a great idea.

AlwaysOutnumberedNevrOutgunned · 02/08/2015 11:29

your mil is bvu and I am sure that is a lovely reason to stay home & do as you please, she sounds deluded.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 02/08/2015 11:29

Your mother's views are pretty weird. Ending mealtimes for an 11 month old for throwing food on the floor? Absolutely crackers and pretty cruel really.

ChampagneBabyCakes · 02/08/2015 11:30

As long as she eats, who cares how she does it at 11 months? It sounds like your DM has forgotten the reality of 11 month olds.

I think I'd decline the diner invite and suggest something else instead which isn't going to stress everyone out. Walk round the park?

FadedRed · 02/08/2015 11:30

From the tone of you post, I suspect there are quite a few tensions going on between you and your DM, not just your baby's 'table manners'
11months are expected to have table manners? Hmm
Maybe restrict your visits to non-formal dining events until family meals are not an issue?

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 02/08/2015 11:30

Table manners for babies???? What a bizarre concept.

She's mad.

But then if someone referred to my DD as "her majesty" with a snidey undertone criticising our parenting I probably wouldn't go to their house for dinner so the table manners problem would be solved.

Have you responded along similarly passive aggressive lines with something like "Oh ha ha yes I do keep forgetting that you had children so long ago you've forgotten what babies are like. Age really does blur the memory doesn't it?".

LowlLowl · 02/08/2015 11:30

Does your MIL not remember what your DP was like at 11 months?! I'd go with the plastic sheet. And make sure MIL is in the firing range... Wink

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 02/08/2015 11:31

I wouldn't go, on what planet does your Mil inhabit that she thinks an 11 month old gives a fuck what she thinks?

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 02/08/2015 11:31

Don't go at all til your youngest child (if you have any more later) is at least 4...

Your DM is one of those minority of grandparents/ parents of adults who has utterly re-written her early parenting memories in her head and convinced herself that she did it so much better than anyone these days, and is now judging you when (inevitably) you fail to live up to an impossible fictional standard of her rose tinted heavily edited false memories of her own fantabulousness... Hmm

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 02/08/2015 11:31

Table manners for an 11 month old? Are you kidding me?

I have an 11 month old and he makes a mess. That's what babies do.

yorkshapudding · 02/08/2015 11:31

I wouldn't go. I would feel very uncomfortable and unwelcome going anywhere where my 11month old baby was not free to behave like normal 11month old baby.

caravanista13 · 02/08/2015 11:32

Absolutely bonkers and very stressful. Do you have to go? If so a plastic sheet is the only solution. This sounds more about unreasonable parenting expectations than concern for carpets though.

TeaPleaseLouise · 02/08/2015 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOriginalWinkly · 02/08/2015 11:33

I wouldn't be visiting some nasty bitch that spoke about my DD that way. 'Her majesty'? 'Spoilt'? At eleven months old? Fuck that. It's a nice day, go for a picnic.

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 02/08/2015 11:34

It's not unreasonable to not want food thrown on your carpet if it's not easy to clean up. We either feed DS somewhere wipeable or put something under his high chair. Apart from that, she's bonkers.

Haahooooo · 02/08/2015 11:35

Interestingly, my parents, especially my DF, struggled with my DCs table manners as a baby.

I think there may be a slight generational issue here, as they spoon fed us mostly, whereas we have a tendency to give DC some food and let them get on with it. My parents are also pathologically tidy

YANBU though.

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 02/08/2015 11:35

Or suggest carpet in the room/ area where the dining table is is a fairly disgusting idea and if she takes up the carpet and replaces it with a more hygienic easily cleaned surface she would not have to worry about this specific issue.

She doesn't sound as if she likes your DD or approves of your parenting, referring to your DD as "her majesty" and suggesting you train a baby into not throwing food by not letting them eat!

BeautifulBatman · 02/08/2015 11:35

I wouldn't for a second expect an 11 month old to have table manners but I would expect the parents to try and keep mess to a minimum when eating somewhere other than their own house. Can you not spoon feed on this occasion?

CarBumper · 02/08/2015 11:35

I love how half the posters have decided it's op's MIL and not DM Grin

Yanbu op, I'd give it a miss.

paxtecum · 02/08/2015 11:37

MIl probably remembers her DCs eating with a spoon or being fed with a spoon.
Babies feeding themselves 'messy' meals by hand is a recent phenomena.