Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To accept bad table manners in an 11 month old

103 replies

LionRichie · 02/08/2015 11:23

DM has invited us over for dinner but has made it very clear that 'her majesty' (referring to my 'spoilt' 11mo DD) must not throw any food on the carpet.

DD's method of eating is not pretty. It usually involves her picking up fistfuls of food and slamming them into her own face. Some goes in her mouth, most doesn't. DM thinks she should be eating nicely with a bowl and spoon by now, and says I let her get away with too much by not ending mealtimes immediately if she throws anything on the floor.

AIBU to tell DM that I'll bring a plastic sheet and clean up, or do people really expect more from their babies in terms of table manners?

OP posts:

chekovatemycherry · 02/08/2015 11:37

Copious amounts of Newspaper under, all around the highchair and in the throw zone!!!!

Easy to gather and throw away at the end. Carpet protected.

Sounds like your DD is doing a great job with self feeding - ignore the snidey comments from your mother and enjoy every moment of your baby.

HesterShaw · 02/08/2015 11:37

Won't comment on your crazy mother, but how this made me chuckle:

It usually involves her picking up fistfuls of food and slamming them into her own face

Vatersay · 02/08/2015 11:37

I am extremely strict about table manners. My children's beautiful manners are commented out any time we eat out or are guests.

But then they are 7 years old

At 11 months they smooshed their food and dropped it on the floor with gusto. As is normal

Take a plastic sheet and make you do clean up any mess.

Roobix04 · 02/08/2015 11:37

Here's what you do. Take your perfectly normal dd for dinner. Then grab handfuls of food and chuck them at the floor/walls. Remember to constantly maintain eye contact with your loony mother.

Mulligrubs · 02/08/2015 11:38

I would be annoyed by her attitude and would probably decline going for dinner. An 11 month old doesn't have a clue about table manners. My DS could use a fork OK at that age but it was still messy and he preferred his hands. He definitely wasn't a fan of spoons. He is 21 months and still sometimes throws the odd piece of food on the floor! He knows it is wrong and gets a firm telling off but kids are kids.

If you do go then taking a plastic sheet is the only solution really. A cheap shower curtain is best as it is huge so more likely to catch any stray food!

TheOriginalWinkly · 02/08/2015 11:38

Anyone who has tried to spoon feed my 12 month old DD in the past has discovered that she's surprisingly fast and strong as she wrenches the spoon from their hand and fires it across the room. So that really wouldn't help on the mess front.

MammaTJ · 02/08/2015 11:44

I love how many of the posters have changed it from DM to MIL because they cannot get their head round your own mother behaving like this!

I would actually avoid contact with someone who described my 11 month old as 'spoilt' and 'her majesty'. Such unnecessary snide comments about a baby for goodness sake!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 02/08/2015 11:45

Oops, I said MiL, apologies .

Rest of my post still stands.

LizzyUseless · 02/08/2015 11:47

I love how half the posters have decided it's op's MIL and not DM Yes, we might almost consider a Freudian slip.

YANBU, OP. My 15 month old granddaughter smears food everywhere, chucks it about indiscriminately, shoves it up her nose, etc. She totally takes after her mother.

Thank goodness for the dog or I would spend even more time on my hands and knees cleaning the mess.

Spinningplates10 · 02/08/2015 11:48

Your mother is being ridiculous, in your situation I'd just turn down the invite. Honestly, if you are invited for dinner you shouldn't be on edge all the time for fear your very young child makes a bit of a mess with food.

Most grandparents with a bit of sense would have newspaper or an old towel down anyway in anticipation.

TelephoneIgnoringMachine · 02/08/2015 11:53

If anyone spoke to, or about, my DD like that, they could sod right off. Family or not. Your MIL is living in cloud cuckoo land if she thinks this a remotely reasonable expectation.

TelephoneIgnoringMachine · 02/08/2015 11:54

Sorru, not MIL, meant to say DM. Ironically, my own DM would possibly say this & my MIL wouldn't care less.

AlwaysOutnumberedNevrOutgunned · 02/08/2015 11:58

sorry dm not mil! Regardless - mad as a box of frogs...

MagpieCursedTea · 02/08/2015 11:59

I read a study recently about messy play/eating improving intelligence. Take a big plastic sheet and tell your DM that your baby may not have table manners yet but she's going to be a genius

Anniegetyourgun · 02/08/2015 12:00

Suggest that you don't go round there at mealtimes until DD has learned some table manners - say, in about 2 - 3 years? I'm sure she'd appreciate that.

Seriously, babies don't do manners at all. They grab stuff, wriggle, screech, cry when they're tired, hungry, frustrated or for no apparent reason, stand up in daft places and bump their heads, drop to sleep at socially unacceptable times, and if they get the chance, smear poo everywhere. They are just not civilised. If your mother didn't have to deal with any of this when you/siblings were small she was probably doing something very, very wrong. Or had full-time childcare in place.

Minesril · 02/08/2015 12:00

I absolutely hate mess. However, I don't care how much of a state my 1 year old gets in when he eats. I don't care if potato is smeared in his hair. Because him eating - and, most importantly, eating in an environment in which he feels comfortable - is more important than my freshly-mopped kitchen floor. I think if a child is constantly told off at mealtimes then that's where issues with food start.

Frankly I would refuse to see your mother until she apologises for calling your baby 'spoilt'.

SirPercyPilkington · 02/08/2015 12:02

I would decline the offer and ask her to give you a call when spending time with family becomes more important than a pristine house.
Any sensible person clears up after their child and any sensible 11 month old will get food on the floor. Christ, I still get food on the floor and down my front
To get so worked up in advance of a visit is a horrible thing. Save her the hassle and don't go.

drudgetrudy · 02/08/2015 12:04

Of course your Mum is being completely unreasonable. As soon as I started reading the thread I noticed how many people wrote MIL. An illustration of projection and prejudice, even though it is just a slip.

InTheBox · 02/08/2015 12:06

I love how half the posters have decided it's op's MIL and not DM

It's just so ingrained isn't it.

LizzyUseless · 02/08/2015 12:07

Christ, I still get food on the floor and down my front

Me too. And I'm 53 years and one month older than the OP's DD.

You'd think I would know where my mouth is by now.

Original poster

LionRichie · 02/08/2015 12:07

To be fair, I don't think the poor woman has quite recovered from our lunch out at pizza express when DD had a poo mid-breadstick starter. It goes without saying she was more embarrassed than DD, who seemed quite pleased with herself.

She's not deliberately mean, just has some odd views at times and is very concerned with what people think of her. I remember at primary school, she once turned up to collect me with a carrier bag on her head as she didn't want anyone to see she hadn't set her hair. A carrier bag!

OP posts:

Dawndonnaagain · 02/08/2015 12:08

Fuck me, I have a 19 year old who still gets food in her hair and behind her ears. Me, I get it down my front.
Silly cow, tell her you are parenting your way and if she doesn't like it she can eat Sunday Lunch on her own.

Original poster

LionRichie · 02/08/2015 12:09

MIL is entirely sane and lovely by the way!

OP posts:

HSMMaCM · 02/08/2015 12:10

There is a very slim chance her DC didn't drop food everywhere. My DD was a crazily neat eater (not thanks to me), but I have cared for many children with a range of eating techniques since.

I agree with the shower curtain solution.

tarashill · 02/08/2015 12:11

Unless I've missed something....where would the eating take place, does your DM have carpet in the kitchen?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread