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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To accept bad table manners in an 11 month old

103 replies

LionRichie · 02/08/2015 11:23

DM has invited us over for dinner but has made it very clear that 'her majesty' (referring to my 'spoilt' 11mo DD) must not throw any food on the carpet.

DD's method of eating is not pretty. It usually involves her picking up fistfuls of food and slamming them into her own face. Some goes in her mouth, most doesn't. DM thinks she should be eating nicely with a bowl and spoon by now, and says I let her get away with too much by not ending mealtimes immediately if she throws anything on the floor.

AIBU to tell DM that I'll bring a plastic sheet and clean up, or do people really expect more from their babies in terms of table manners?

OP posts:
KittyandTeal · 02/08/2015 12:11

Um, my nearly 3yo is just learning table manners. She eats nicely with a spoon and fork and generally doesn't drop things, now.

At 11mo our kitchen looked like a good bomb had gone off after every meal!

Your DM is nuts! Grin

Loafliner · 02/08/2015 12:12

I'd politely decline and suggest you maybe revisit the idea in a few years.

Original poster
LionRichie · 02/08/2015 12:13

Yes tarashill, carpeted conservatory and bathrooms too. The carpets are very soft and luxurious.

OP posts:
Finola1step · 02/08/2015 12:13

The carrier bag. On her head. Did she think no one would notice? Grin

Jengnr · 02/08/2015 12:20

Why is a carrier bag less offensive than unset hair? That's insane :D

I bet she spoonfed you and hates BLW. My parents do too. They think it's lazy. Which it is but that's one of the things I like about it :) I would always clear up after my boy but I'd let him make the mess first.

If she won't accept the plastic sheet compromise I'd explain that her majesty has a royal engagement that day and will regretfully be unable to attend.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 02/08/2015 12:20

Are plastic messy mats no longer available, they used to be very trendy indeed about 25 years ago they even used to come free with glossy up themselves parenting mags.

Stop stressing and do what everybody else does when there parents get silly and just tell them to stop it.

Original poster
LionRichie · 02/08/2015 12:22

Well, no one saw her limp hair, so...win?

It's clear that I was being a bit silly in even entertaining her comments. I will put away the silver service before someone loses an eye.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 02/08/2015 12:24

If you want to go then maybe feed the bairn before you go.

no stresses on a Sunday Angry

JakieOH · 02/08/2015 12:29

My SD is 5 and eats with a fork in her spare hand shovelling food with her other hand Confused your mother would implode if we came round Grin

Anniegetyourgun · 02/08/2015 12:36

I think I understand the mindset with the carrier bag. Showing your limp hair to the world means everyone can see you didn't take the trouble to crimp, ie you have let your standards slip, and you will be judged harshly. Hiding it means no-one will know what's going on under the bag; maybe you've got an absolutely fabulous hairstyle there which you dare not expose to the elements because it must be perfect for the ball tonight. And of course nobody with any decency would even think to ask. If they did they'd be judged even more harshly than The Woman Who Did Not Set Her Hair.

It's a different universe, but it does have its own kind of logic...

GenevaMaybe · 02/08/2015 12:54

Hahahahahaaaa. I have just returned from brunch with my 10-month old who had cod goujons (50% on the floor, 25% in her hair, 25% in her mouth); an Ella's veggie pouch which was eaten with great relish and smeared all over the high chair, and a yoghurt that just invited little fingers to be dipped in and sucked.

I was so proud of her as she ate her lunch and smiled at people who said hello despite teething. Give a shit about manners.

BeautifulBatman · 02/08/2015 13:16

Did you clear any of it off the floor or high chair?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/08/2015 13:22

Is age for real. WTF would expect an 11 month old to have impeccable table manners. Just when I thought I'd heard everything.
I'd be putting my foot right down and I wouldn't be going.
Your baby is 11 months old not 11 years old

GenevaMaybe · 02/08/2015 13:26

Who me? Yes of course. I asked for a small dustpan & brush and swept the floor then wiped the table with their j-cloth.
But I wouldn't expect my baby to notice or care!

Original poster
LionRichie · 02/08/2015 14:10

Well I suppose she's closer to 12 months rather than 11...

But apparently I was fully weaned and eating nicely at DD's age. Clearly I was very advanced.

OP posts:
Croatianmum · 02/08/2015 14:19

Your DD's way of eating is just so adorable. These moments will pass and they will never come again (typing while my 8 month old splashing water from the cup all over the highchair)

Aeroflotgirl · 02/08/2015 14:22

I personally woukd not be going, she is a baby, not an 11 year old, she does what babies do!

HSMMaCM · 02/08/2015 14:25

It's sunny. I hope you ate in the garden? The birds can clean up.

Littlef00t · 02/08/2015 14:30

I suspect you were still spoon fed purée like a bird with your hands tied down at that age...

SaucyJack · 02/08/2015 15:01

Hmm. I think you can feed your baby however the Hell you like when it's your own carpet at stake, but if you're sitting back and not intervening if your baby is throwing food on the floor in other people's houses I do think that's a bit out of order tbh.

DirtyMugPolice · 02/08/2015 15:19

We did BLW with DS which was just as well as he wouldn't let us spoon feed him. So method 'apply to face' it was! Your DD may be the same? Anyway your DM is deluded if she thinks 11 month olds have any concept of manners!

My mum's friend apparently used to strap her DC's hands down when feeding them to stop mess at meal times Hmm gaffer tape OP?!

carriebrody · 02/08/2015 15:23

I wouldn't expect table manners, and I wouldn't go as it sounds stressful - babies do make a mess.

But by 11/12 months I wouldn't be just accepting food being chucked around either and would be encouraging using a spoon and discouraging throwing or dropping food.

Anniegetyourgun · 02/08/2015 15:41

DGS was spoon fed because he would get really impatient if the food didn't get down his gullet quickly enough. They would put some down for him to play with once the edge was off his hunger though, so he still managed to make a pretty impressive mess. It's great practice for them and let's face it, doing squidgy things with food is fun.

But apparently I was fully weaned and eating nicely at DD's age. Clearly I was very advanced.

Am I imagining it or do you sound a little sceptical, OP? Grin

Littleen · 02/08/2015 15:47

Hahaha, oh dear. If I were you, I would just bring porridge or something, and have proper dinner at home. Our 17 month old still chucks food on the floor (less than at 11 months but still)... I must be such a bad mum for not teaching him table manners ;)

crustsaway · 02/08/2015 15:47

Where do you get the idea from that an 11 month old is "spoilt"? your mother?

I'd take a plastic mat and do as another one said, spoon feed. But if you can't do that (lots of 1 year olds want to do it themselves and kick off if you try to make them revert) put non messy dry food in her bowl.