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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was IBU...I thought it was obvious?!?

74 replies

waitaminutenow · 31/07/2015 07:11

So long story short we met up with bil/sil and their children yesterday and had a lovely day. I'm expecting no2, we were having general chit chat about children and sil asked if I was going to have another before the 'cut off' so we can get tax credits etc etc. I laughed (loudly) and said "noooo, we don't get anything (not even cb) anyway so it makes no difference". The shock was obvious on her face, and she said "really!!"
The conversation soon ended. Hubby thinks I should have just said no and not divulged, I think I thought it was obvious (that we didn't receive) to be honest and I had just blurted it out before I had the chance to think. I know hubby doesn't like to talk money, but she asked...I just answered honestly! Should I have said nothing/lied???

OP posts:

mcdog · 31/07/2015 07:15

I said almost exactly the same thing to someone the other day "we never got anything anyway, no CB either" then felt bad because their face dropped. I didn't mean it come out braggy, it's just the situation we're in, I think what you said was fine, it wasn't meant in malice.

LaurieFairyCake · 31/07/2015 07:16

You did fine, it was your choice. Your Dh can choose not to tell people but he can't expect you to not tell people if you choose to.

jeanswithatwist · 31/07/2015 07:17

No. It wouldn't have occurred to me either. I also don't get any benefits because we earn over the threshold, nothing to b ashamed of. The issue was with her not you. It wasn't showing off if you were thinking it was.

woowoo22 · 31/07/2015 07:18

Have seen someone boasting about this on FB, what a dick. Depends on the tone used I suppose. I assume you weren't all "hahaha hahaha us? we earn FAR too much" in which case you were prob fine!

PtolemysNeedle · 31/07/2015 07:18

I can't see that you said anything wrong, or why your DH thinks you shouldn't have said anything. It's not really 'talking money' to just say that you don't claim benefits other than CB when someone else has assumed you do.

I don't think it is always obvious to people whether you do or don't claim tax credits, but so many people do get them they seem to assume that everyone must. I've had people assume I get them before, and have corrected them just because why wouldn't you?

TheHouseOnBellSt · 31/07/2015 07:19

It would only be obvious if you and your DH are in careers which are known to be very well paid. But I agree with your DH...it's preferable to keep personal income private.

SanityClause · 31/07/2015 07:23

What a stupid thing to say! Who would have more DC to get tax credits? It costs far more to raise a child than the measly amount you might get, in tax credits and child benefit, even if you were eligible!

TheHouseOnBellSt · 31/07/2015 07:24

Sanity you're right of course...and the foolish question, in my opinion, deserved a very guarded answer.

Spartans · 31/07/2015 07:28

Hmm not sure.

If you dh doesn't like you discussing money I can get why he is bothered. My dbro and sil tend to get shitty with anyone who earns more than them, so yes I wouldn't like dh to mention that we earn above the threshold. They probably know tbf, but knowing how they get - I won't discuss anything with them.

But you didn't brag or boast or even go out of your way to discuss it. So ywbu.

avocadotoast · 31/07/2015 07:34

Sanity maybe it was more a "if you're planning a third one anyway do it before the cut off so you can get tax credits".

Which may be a bit schemey but I think it makes sense.

I don't think it's especially obvious if someone isn't entitled to any benefits (unless like pp said your career is known to be well paid). But then I work in debt advice and have dealt with many people who earn over the CB threshold. It doesn't always mean you're living the high life if you earn that much. (Although me and my colleagues will ponder how nice it'd be if we earned that much )

I definitely don't think you can tell if someone isn't entitled to tax credits though (which I know isn't what you asked OP). The cut off for two adults and one child (for instance) is £26k, which isn't a massive amount at all.

Blu · 31/07/2015 07:39

So now his own sister now knows that at least one of you earns £60k +? Doesn't seem the greatest divulgence , and I would have thought it fairly obvious that if you have the kind of jobs that are above the cb threshold you wouldn't be eligible for tax credits, so not a great deal of info had been imparted.

I would probably have laughed off her question (which was presumably a joke) and said 'yes, twins so that we get our money's worth' or something.

But maybe if people are actually planning a third child they are thinking about the timing now.

eurochick · 31/07/2015 07:40

Tbh I think the fertility/family planning question was more insensitive that your answer!

Collaborate · 31/07/2015 07:43

Someone who initiates a conversation with you that focuses on your personal family finances should not be surprised if you then go on to talk about those finances.

ArgyMargy · 31/07/2015 07:48

I think YABU a little bit U. Of course you weren't bragging but from her point of view she is now a bit jealous of your relative wealth. If that's a big thing for her it could eat away at your relationship and create a barrier between you. This is why I never ever discuss what I earn apart from the fact that I pay higher rate tax - and with some relatives & friends I wouldn't even admit that. I would just have laughed and said something like "yeah right!".

Asuperwittyquip · 31/07/2015 07:50

I think it was probably obvious, my DB and SIL never discuss their earnings with us but I know they earn a lot more than us.

cariadlet · 31/07/2015 07:53

YABU - you weren't bragging, it just came up in conversation.

btw I thought child benefit was for everybody with kids. I didn't think it was means tested. I'm pretty sure it wasn't when dd was born. Is that one of the changes that the Coalition brought in?

Tryharder · 31/07/2015 07:55

What a non-event! Your SIL is weird!

I am a civil servant and a single parent. People I work with know I receive a small amount of tax credits. I know that they don't because they are mArried to people who have good salaries and are therefore over the limit salary-wise.

Not even an issue.

I would be more shocked if someone that I perceived to earn a really good salary claimed benefits because I would assume they didn't need them.

LazyLohan · 31/07/2015 07:57

If she didn't want to hear that answer she shouldn't have asked the question.

Mygardenistoobig · 31/07/2015 07:57

She sounds awful with her comment about having children to receive more money.

I don't think you did anything wrong. It might stop her making stupid comments in future.

SweetCharityBeginsAtHome · 31/07/2015 07:57

You now don't get CB if one of you is a higher rate tax payer cariadlet. Happened a couple of years ago.

PurpleSwift · 31/07/2015 07:59

I don't really understand why you've posted, this is a total non event

Tryharder · 31/07/2015 08:00

Exactly MyGarden.

Having children to order to claim a few pounds in benefits is weird.

SweetCharityBeginsAtHome · 31/07/2015 08:03

It's not having children in order to claim benefits, it's probably having the child you were planning to have eventually sooner than you otherwise might. Although I assume some couples who were going to wait and see about having a third/fourth might decide to go for it because of the "now or never" pressure.

Trickytricky · 31/07/2015 08:03

What's the threshold for child benefit (I'm clueless...)?

avocadotoast · 31/07/2015 08:06

SweetCharity actually it's if one of you earns over £60k.

If you earn between £50-60k it's on a sliding scale.

If you both earn under £50k you stil get it.

It's bonkers to me. If you both earned £49k you'd get it but if one earned £62k and the other £10k you wouldn't. Surely it'd make more sense to do it on household income. But this is not a thread to discuss that...

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