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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was IBU...I thought it was obvious?!?

74 replies

waitaminutenow · 31/07/2015 07:11

So long story short we met up with bil/sil and their children yesterday and had a lovely day. I'm expecting no2, we were having general chit chat about children and sil asked if I was going to have another before the 'cut off' so we can get tax credits etc etc. I laughed (loudly) and said "noooo, we don't get anything (not even cb) anyway so it makes no difference". The shock was obvious on her face, and she said "really!!"
The conversation soon ended. Hubby thinks I should have just said no and not divulged, I think I thought it was obvious (that we didn't receive) to be honest and I had just blurted it out before I had the chance to think. I know hubby doesn't like to talk money, but she asked...I just answered honestly! Should I have said nothing/lied???

OP posts:

morelikeguidelines · 31/07/2015 08:06

I think you were fine. She made a silly comment/ question , and you didn't exactly have ages to think about your answer!

In principle I agree it's best not to tall about money but you were answering her question on the spur of the moment.

1Morewineplease · 31/07/2015 08:07

Don't fret too much ... Like you said ...you just blurted it out . We've all been there at some time.
And no Cariadlet... CB isn't for anyone anymore.. System changed a few years ago( forget when) . It is now basically means tested in some way.. It meant that OH would get taxed for it to almost the equivalent amount .. Oh gosh I can't remember now.. But I remember receiving a letter asking if I wanted to opt out of CB or to carry on receiving it but the roughly equivalent amount would be deducted from OH.

Blu · 31/07/2015 08:09

You can be a higher rate tax payer and get cb. Once you earn £50k your cb is reduced by 10% for every £1k, so at £60k your cb disappears completely.

Cabrinha · 31/07/2015 08:11

I think YABU but it's not the crime of the century.
It sounds like you gave a minimum indicator of HIS salary to HIS family, yes?

He's quite reasonable not to tell them, it's his business. Trust me, I get fed up with "oh well you can afford it" type comments from my sister and I hate the way her husband obviously expects me to pay for everything when we're out. I used to happily pay, I earn more - until we were in pub and I heard them before they realised I was back from the loo: sis - what do you want to drink? Husband: - leave it, Cab will be back in a minute, get her to pay

Perhaps he has good reason to believe they'll act differently with this knowledge? Or he may just want to be private, most people are, about money.

If you have your own pool, spend a month in the Caymans every year and drive a Bentley, then he's BU.

But if it's not properly obvious, then YABU. To the point where I'd apologise, but certainly not grovel.

SomethingFunny · 31/07/2015 08:16

Hmm. When I end up in these conversations with people, I tend to not comment or be non-committal. I don't want people knowing our finances. I wouldn't want people knowing if we were getting tax credits either- not because either situation is something to be ashamed of, but because I think it's private.

I am always shocked when people disclose things about their income such as they don't get CB, or they won't be worse oR better off under the budget, or the tax credit changes mean they'll loose £182. Do they not know they are basically telling people their salary?!

Think before you speak might be the advise to remember here...

Nolim · 31/07/2015 08:16

This is an interesting thread, i know that the british thing is not to discuss money but hey she asked about cb and you answered her question honestly and factually. In similar situations i try to deflect the question because i dont know if my answer could be considered bragging.

BasinHaircut · 31/07/2015 08:17

What's the cut off for CB then? I've missed something .....

Nolim · 31/07/2015 08:23

Basin see blue post at 8:09

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 31/07/2015 08:33

Why are people posting what a non event? It's obviously something that bothered op and ops DH that makes it an event one in which she's wondering if she did the right thing. That's why she's posted purple

I agree that no she said nothing wrong and I don't to why her husband thought she shouldn't have said anything, but actuslly I think the question was weird and a lot ruder!

I think it's media lead belief that's why people have babies to get benefits and tax credits. We're told over and over again look at those getting benefits for nothing so we presume that's everyone's motivation!

SylvanianCaracal · 31/07/2015 08:44

I'm with you OP. You thought it was obvious, so you didn't do something that you saw as "divulging". It slipped out.

FWIW it never occurred to me either, to the extent that I probably didn't claim benefits when I could have, because I had no idea they were available to people earning what I considered good money (having grown up with not much). The only ones I have ever had are CB and maternity allowance (during mat leave as I'm self-employed).

I was once round at a friend's and she was doing her tax credits form. I was flabbergasted that they were entitled to anything because they were both working in good jobs and I assumed they wouldn't be.

Notasinglefuckwasgiven · 31/07/2015 08:47

I've been asked this and just said no we can't get them I didn't think anything of answering either. YADNBU. If you're asked and answer honestly I don't see how it's unreasonable. Surely lying would be worse?

SylvanianCaracal · 31/07/2015 08:47

(We don't get CB any more either - we would if our salaries were more equal though. I wouldn't go around broadcasting it but if someone asked I'd just say "we're not entitled to it".)

SylvanianCaracal · 31/07/2015 08:48

Also while I agree some people are rather unfairly overpaid and others underpaid, if you have a good income you are paying more tax and helping to pay the benefits. Nothing shameful about that and someone has to.

Sometimesjustonesecond · 31/07/2015 09:13

I think it would be better if more people discussed what they earned - not to be braggy but because a lot of people earn less than others for doung the same job and companies rely on us being all British about money in order to get away with pay gaps.

I dont think you did anything wrong. She was angling for the info and her jealousy is her problem, not yours!

AlwaysSpoiled34 · 31/07/2015 09:14

Inequality is a fact, we can vote Labour and increase taxes for people with high income. On the other hand if we increase corporate tax in the long term business will relocate to a different country. There was a trend for outsourcing in US that removed lots of good jobs to developing countries. A country with a low corporate tax has a huge advantage, especially in the knowledge economy.

Sometimesjustonesecond · 31/07/2015 09:16

Also not necessarily true that 2 earners pay more tax than 1. One perspn earning 60k may well pay more tax than a couple earning 30 each and claimingfull cb.

HagOtheNorth · 31/07/2015 09:16

'If she didn't want to hear that answer she shouldn't have asked the question.'

That's how it works in my family.

pictish · 31/07/2015 09:19

You did nothing wrong. Your dh is oversensitive to the topic, but that's not your fault.

sebsmummy1 · 31/07/2015 09:25

I don't even know what the threshold is, I just know we are entitled to nothing. I have never had a TC conversation with anyone I know so I think if it came up id make the same faux pas but I still wouldn't have a clue how much the TC claiming family were making in the same way that they wouldn't know if we were only just above the income threshold.

I wouldn't worry. She shouldn't have asked!!

AyeAmarok · 31/07/2015 10:37

I think people are getting mixed up here between the Child BENEFIT threshold and Child TAX CREDITS thing?

One is already in place and one not. So surely it's a bit late to try and have a third for CB if you're already over the threshold!

ithinkalittlepeecameout · 31/07/2015 10:47

Totally missing the point. Why would you be embarrassed or ashamed at NOT receiving ANY kind of benefit ???

avocadotoast · 31/07/2015 11:35

Aye, no, I don't think they are.

As I understand it: OP's SIL asked about third child/tax credits as thought OP was eligible for tax credits. But turns out they're so far over the threshold they're not entitled to child benefit either.

AyeAmarok · 31/07/2015 11:47

Ah I thought she hadn't said the bit in brackets so the SIL was surprised they don't claim tax credits.

If you said the bit in brackets then that was a bit off really, so I get why your DH wasn't pleased.

DJThreeDog · 31/07/2015 11:48

I don't think you did anything wrong, but it would make me feel like shit to hear it. I've been exposed to too much Daily Mail to not feel like a scrounger tbh. Which is why I avoid all conversations about money.

I realise this is totally my issue btw and nothing for you (or anyone else) to be concerned about!

avocadotoast · 31/07/2015 12:19

I don't think it's about feeling embarrassed at not receiving benefits but I kind of think OP YABU at the "laughing loudly" part. We don't get tax credits (we're only just over the threshold this year though) but when I was talking to family members who do I felt a bit...I don't know, again not embarrassed, but I kind of didn't want to talk about it. I am fairly open about our earnings though, like I'd tell people what we earned if they asked.

I think laughing could make SIL feel a little inferior in this case.

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