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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I asking for too much time off?

77 replies

cheekymonk · 15/07/2015 12:17

I work 4 days a week for DWP, DH works full time and is on 40k. We have da aged 10 with HFA, on middle rate DLA. DD is 4 starting school this year son high rate DLA for PDA severe speech delay and other issues.she is having an ENT op on weekend and I have asked for next week off to switch her. I have 2 weeks booked off in August when we are going away. I have asked for week before they go back to school off due to I childcare. I need a couple of mornings off for school meetings. NHS speech therapy kicks in so o have asked to swap nwd. You get the picture! I am struggling to make it work and work are clearly fed up with me. AIBU?

OP posts:
JaneAustinAllegro · 15/07/2015 12:19

consider the situation from your employer and coworker's position and you probably have the answer. It'll be different if it's seasonal business / somebody else has to cover you without being paid extra / other people's holidays are affected by your plans or if you work somewhere that shuts down for most of August anyway because customers / clients are all off.

Sirzy · 15/07/2015 12:20

Are the two weeks holiday and the week before they go back to school holidays?

Can your DH not take equal time off for childcare/appointments which falls on your days in work?

HappyGirlNow · 15/07/2015 12:21

Depends if its within your annual leave limits, if it complies with annual leave policy, if it stops colleagues getting their holidays or puts additional pressure on them..

If you need that many holidays in such a short space of time what will you do for the rest of the year??

Viviennemary · 15/07/2015 12:22

It is quite a lot of time off within a short period but that's not really your fault as you would have booked the holiday in advance anyway. Could you try and find emergency care for that week before they go back to school and that might help a bit. You can't do much about the NHS appointments. Or can your DH take a few days either holiday or for childcare as your DD is having an op.

Original poster
cheekymonk · 15/07/2015 12:22

DH work seems very inflexible. He did say he would try to cover the speech ones...

OP posts:
Littlef00t · 15/07/2015 12:23

I can imagine it's difficult this time of year as others want annual leave too and the work still needs to be done. 4 weeks off in 2 months is a lot. I presume your DH can also take time off when needed.

I'm aware that as a parent you have the right to unpaid leave for dependants when organised in advance, but I don't know how that works with balancing the needs of the organisation. Have you looked into this?

Sirzy · 15/07/2015 12:23

I think it's unfair to expect your work to be flexible because his isn't. If you both work you share time off.

I had to change my work competly to fit around DS and his needs

MythicalKings · 15/07/2015 12:24

I think you are BU to ask for 3 weeks off in the school holidays, unless your coworkers don't have DCs.

Littlef00t · 15/07/2015 12:27

I don't know what your DH does, but you're pushing the good will of your organisation, he should be making more of a fuss I think. He has annual leave, even if its a bit inconvenient, he should also be putting his foot down, not just you.

Its easy in my experience for men to tentatively check if it might possibly be ok for them to maybe take a little time off, and when the manager sucks their teeth, they leap back and give up because they don't want to look bad, when the women are sacrificing their reputation at their workplace to cover.

RB68 · 15/07/2015 12:30

I think possibly you need to research policy at work regarding time of particularly for disabled children/SN kids - you might find that you should be addressing some of this under that policy rather than just a straight forward leave policy. you may find some of it is unpaid though.

OOAOML · 15/07/2015 12:34

We have a child with ASD, and we also have various family issues that mean we have had to take extra time off for childcare at short notice. I earn more than DH, but we have split the time fairly evenly, and for appointments we work around who can best accommodate the timing, who has most work on, that kind of thing.

My manager is being really good, and offers additional leave/working from home. If I need to take time off for an appointment I can rearrange start/finish times, work late another day etc. I appreciate not all jobs can offer this, but it is worth asking about.

If it is impacting on you at work, then you need to have a serious chat with your DH about sharing the load. Even if he does earn more than you, you are both working parents, and both responsible for your children.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 15/07/2015 12:39

Yup I agree your DH needs to share the burden here. His work may be inflexible but it's not fare for you to have feel the pressure by yourself and then work in an environment where you feel people are fed up with you.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 15/07/2015 12:40

fair not fare Hmm

butterfly133 · 15/07/2015 12:41

Is it within your annual leave limits? Regardless of the reason, if you said "I need a half day on 17th" would it be approved i.e. doesn't cause anyone else any problems? If yes, then I don't know what the problem is.

If you are using some sort of special leave for it, then it may be different.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/07/2015 12:48

"I am struggling to make it work and work are clearly fed up with me."
Because you are shouldering it all.

"DH work seems very inflexible. He did say he would try to cover the speech ones..."
'Seems'? Not 'are'? Interesting choice of word, possibly betraying that deep-down, you think there is more flexibility there than he's making out? He needs to do more than try, I think.

RunnerHasbeen · 15/07/2015 12:49

For the mornings, is there the option of asking to make your 4 days more flexible instead of asking for time off - so that week you work 3 full days and two afternoons after your appointments.

I think your family circumstances make a good case for flexible hours and reducing them but not for every time off request to be approved. You should think realistically about what hours you can do without letting colleagues down and request that - you are just reacting just now.

pinkisthenewpink · 15/07/2015 12:53

It's a fair bit of time over a short period, but (depending on what you do within the dept) recess is quite a good time to do that. It's all sounds quite unavoidable stuff. The holiday I assume was planned before you knew about the op - but even so you need a break I'm sure!

If you have the annual leave and your boss is ok then go for it - Dwp is kind of a an exemplar for good working practices and keeping people in work despite obstacles!!!

I'd speak to your line manager and lay out the time you'd like off and say you don't want this to impact on your work/business priorities and see if there's things you can do to alleviate any shortfall. Could you do compressed hours in the run up so that you make up some time if there's a particular business need?

Other things you can do/ suggest is to take a period of parental leave (although this is unpaid I think) and if you have the annual leave or flexi then there's no particular reason you'd use that?

Can you work from home at all? Even if it's just checking emails infrequently?

Only other thing is if you could get holiday club or friend to help out with childcare for the week before school. But I understand this isn't likely to be a simple thing with your DC and the hfa etc. again I'd talk to your boss and talk them through why the time is needed.

pinkisthenewpink · 15/07/2015 13:03

Btw my ds had his tonsils out last year and I asked for a week off for his recovery. I definitely had to take it off, but certainly a few days after the op he was quite happy pootling around which meant I could log on and answer a few emails and do the odd few hours. I also said that they could ring me if needed with proviso that there could be teenage mutant ninja turtles on in the background.

Another thing....could your dh take one day off in the week before school starts? Then at least you could be in for a day and clear any back log? His work might be more amenable to 1 day off and you've got a bit more time notice if it's end of August/ beginning of sept.

BlueKarou · 15/07/2015 13:18

As long as it's within your annual leave entitlement and doesn't put your co-workers out then YANBU. Just make sure you don't use it all up now and leave yourself with troubles around Christmas (or any other common holiday time)

In my office we tend to check with each other before booking time off, just to make sure we're not taking x days off when someone else also wanted them off. We also have to make sure our work is up to date/handed over.

If your time off is impacting on your work performance then it might be worth having a chat with your manager to see if anyone can cover for you for a bit.

Also definitely worth getting your husband to talk to his work. If you both work, then you should both have access to leave, and so should be able to share the time off if it works out more convenient that way.

davyatsea · 15/07/2015 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 15/07/2015 14:29

If you work shifts can you swap shifts with people to cover appointments? Likewise could your wife swap days with a colleague?

Original poster
cheekymonk · 15/07/2015 14:33

Thank you for all your input including yours DH ???? will have a look at these options and have a think. At work currently so hard to think straight!

OP posts:
Poofus · 15/07/2015 14:37

You cannot measure leave only in terms of immediate monetary value. What about the value of your wife's career??

Poofus · 15/07/2015 14:38

^^ that was to Davyatsea

Original poster
cheekymonk · 15/07/2015 15:09

I know poofus. I like my job, it's the one time I am me and not mum dw etc. i was a navy wife and have always had to bend. Discussion needed! X

OP posts:
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